Death's Exception

Chapter Forty-Eight

I have fallen back into the routine of the CSI lab almost like nothing has ever happened. Medicine is distributed, examinations provided, and long talks with my nurse almost every meal time. Despite my unwillingness to like Sarah, we have become close acquaintances if not friends. She comes into my room, fiddles with my protein tube, and tells me all about what is going on in the base with a negative tone, which never fails to get a giggle out of me. Though I could tell you what would happen at every time of day in my schedule, I have no idea what Dr. Finley plans on doing to me. Perhaps he will just keep me hidden until I die. Because I have ruined any possibility of my being famous and admired. He rarely visits, which I would be okay with, if I knew what he is working on. My stomach churns every time the door opens, hoping it is Dr. Finley coming to explain all of the things I do not understand. It has been two weeks since I have talked to Titus, and at this point, I am almost positive that he doesn't love me anymore. And I have cried myself to sleep every night since then with the agonizing possibility haunting my dreams. I dream of him trying to kill me, I dream of him finding another girl and marrying her, I dream of him shouting monster at me until I fall into a fetal position covering my ears, and I dream of him coming back to get me, only to ultimately reject me. The love of someone can mean so much to you, and when that is taken away for a reason that you can't control, it makes life seem so much more cruel. Today, like every other day for the pass two weeks, Sarah bursts into my room, her blonde hair piled onto her head in a messy bun, her make up smudged, and her glasses crooked. She never looks put together. She sighs heavily before sitting in the chair beside my pillow. She looks at me, her mouth curving downward in an exasperated frown.

"He will tell me absolutely nothing. I have become emotionally invested in this case!" I know what she is referring to. She is talking about what will happen to me. Normally, I would be offended to be called a case. But, for Sarah, that is a complement. Sarah has been, I am almost positive, the kindest she has ever treated anyone to me. She has rebelled against Dr. Finley's will everytime she sees me by allowing me to sit up and even walk around. I am grateful to her.

"It's okay," But it isn't. She has mastered the art of raising her right eyebrow, and I have become accustomed to it.

"Does it make you feel better? Lying to please people?" I sigh, knowing that I shouldn't have tried to fool her. She knows. She turns to her clip board and starts scribbling some things down, not expecting an answer. Because she knows she is right, so why bother hearing my side of the argument out? That is Sarah. Her time will not be wasted by listening to you say things that will probably be ignorant.

"Sarah, were you and Titus friends?" She looks up at me over the lense of her glasses. She bites her lip, and looks at her clipboard again.

"I guess you could say so. It was complicated. I will stick with science over love any day." At the word love, my chest tightens.

"You loved him?"

"He never loved me back, don't worry." She breathes heavily and stands up. Her lab coat flowing just under her knees. She is wearing a pain black dress today, and it flatters her curves.

"What happened?" I press. She glares at me.

"Listen, though I would absolutely love to sit here and gossip with you like a thirteen-year-old girl, I have work to do." And with that, she storms out, the bun on her head bouncing as she walks. I watch her leave, and realize that she forgot to tie me up again. I wonder if she did it on purpose, but I quickly grab a syringe. Just in case. I pull my legs up to my chest, and let my own imagination fill in the blanks of Titus and Sarah's story. I suspect he was still caught up in his work, and he never noticed her. Perhaps she tried and tried to get through to him, but he was completely oblivious. Or maybe he simply didn't like her short tone and blunt speech. Maybe he couldn't put up with her, not able to understand why she would ever wish to be loved by him.

I stare at the machine beside me keeping track of my heart beat. It beeps constantly, reminding everyone that I am still alive. Barely. I feel my muscles getting weaker, and my limbs becoming less willing to move. I have put off my death for too long. Maybe I should just turn off the oxygen. Just to rid this world of the monster. It would be easy. What left do I have to live for?

The door swings open, and Sarah leads in two people that I had thought had forgotten about me. Titus and Carter walk into my four walls. Unable to speak, my mouth falls open, and tears well in my eyes.

"We are here to get you out, sweet." Carter says softly, and gently. He comes and sits beside me in my bed, and I embrace him. He kisses me on the head.

"Hey, now. That's my girlfriend." Titus jests from behind me, and I pull away from Carter to look into his brown eyes. They are sad, despite his smile. A tear slips down my cheek.

"I'm sorry." I croak. I don't know what I am apologizing for. He frowns, and lays beside me on the bed, pulling me into his arms. He doesn't say anything, but I know he still loves me. And that is hard to accept. It would be easier if he just didn't. It would have been easier if he had just given up on me and left me here, because that would mean that I wouldn't have to disappoint him anymore.

"You will always be Rory to me."