Death's Exception

Chapter Forty-Nine

I swallow hard, not knowing how to take that. Is he unable to accept the fact that I will no longer be Rory? Will he not continue loving me if I get rid of that weak, little girl? I tense under his grip, and he pulls away from me, locking eyes with me. I am terrified of losing him, yet, I can't live under a constant battle between my reptutation and my life anymore. I can't continue running. His eyebrows furrow once he sees the worry on my face. I press my lips together, and slowly, I feel my heart become calloused. I feel it become numb, and his touch just makes me feel guilty. It doesn't warm my heart, it doesn't make me feel secure, it just reminds me of the disappointment I am going to cause him. I pull away from him.

"I can't leave." Both Carter and Titus stare at me, shocked. Sarah crosses her arms, and shakes her head.

"You two are idiots." She mutters under her breath. I look up at her, begging her to explain to them why I can't leave, but she gives no response to my plea.

"Titus, Carter-" I begin slowly, unsurely, "I love you both. More than you know. Out there, where you guys are wanting to take me, I can't walk somewhere without women and children cowering away from me. Scared that I am going to kill them. That I am going to hurt them. Here, I can be away from that. Dr. Finley won." Titus shakes his head furiously.

"Rory-"

"Don't call me that." I snap. I don't need him to argue with me. I need him to try and understand what is best for me, and I am so tired of him only thinking about himself.

"Aurora, please, I need you. We can do this." I breathe deeply, trying to hold back tears.

"We tried that! And you know what happened?" He looks at the ground. "This happened." I motion towards myself. I became hopeless, unwilling to fight. I lost my strength. I came here to kill someone. There is a whole list that could have been avoided had we just listened to Dr. Finley. And I hate it. But the truth isn't always enjoyable.

"You aren't a monster."

"It doesn't matter, Titus! It doesn't matter what I am anymore. It is all about what they think, isn't it? Whether you believe I am a monster or not, does not change the look in your own mother's eyes." I start to get angry. I don't know why, but my breathing is getting deeper and more furious. He just needs to understand. "Go back to your science. Get a life, because I can't give you one. I can't marry you, I can't give you children. All I can give you is death. Because that is what I am, Titus! I am death's exception." He starts to cry.

"That isn't what you are."

"Then what am I?!" I shout, and it startles him. I don't know what he was expecting me to do. Maybe fall in love with him all over again because of his selfless heroics. But no. Because monsters don't get heroes. They get conquered, and that is how I feel. Utterly conquered.

"You are mine." I close my eyes. He tries to kiss me, but I turn away from him.

"Not anymore." My heart plummets as I say it.

"Rory," He pleads, his voice broken, and hurt. It is so painful to hear him this way, but I refuse to look at him. "No." He says quietly. "I won't let you do this."

"Please, Titus. Leave." Carter grabs my hand, and I yank it away. No one should have to love me. I am helping them. I am helping them. I am helping them. I scratch my wrist, hoping the pain that I can control will take away from the pain that I cannot. Titus stands. I look at him, and his face as hardened. He looks angry. I gasp as he leans down, and kisses me on the lips.

"It has been grand." He spits, but I feel the sadness in his words. I feel the pity, and the hurt. And he walks out of the room. I blink. I blink again. I have truly lost everything. He was the last person on earth that I never wanted to hurt. Everything is quiet. Sarah and Carter are staring at me. But all I can look at is the blood flowing from my wrist. I feel my sanity leak away, and I scream. I scream as loud as I can, letting all of my sanity flow away with that scream. Carter tries to comfort me, but I just bury my face in my hands, as I shake uncontrollably. Unable to do anything but continue to scream. I feel the back of my eyelids sting with the tears that will not come. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, and will Death to just take me away now.

Check mate.

Carter breathes deeply beside me. He holds onto me with all of his strength, and I am unable to wiggle out of his grip. I start to sob uncontrollably. But he doesn't let go. He is trying to keep me from completely unwraveling. But it is too late. It is gone. All of it is gone. My sanity walked out of the door with Titus. I keel over and grab my stomach. Carter tries to keep me from continuing to scratch my now completely bloody wrist. I feel the blood under my finger nails as I scratch harder and harder trying to feel something. 

"You need this." Sarah hands me a gun. I look up to her, and she nods solemnly. Her eyes flickering over to the door. I see that it is still open, and for a second, I realize that this is the last thing I can do. This is my last chance. I rip out the oxygen from my nose, and I stand. Stumbling towards the door. 

To Dr. Finley's office.