Love,Hope,and Cancer

Abstenence

                   ***Rachel POV***

The sun is setting. All day ive been sitting on my motorcycle and looking at the view.

The sun's shadow is casted across the city. While multiple flamboyant folors light up the sky. This hill is about an hour away from the city. I made sure to stop by starbucks and get me a frappicino. I used to come here with my dad. But that stopped when he was recruited into the army. Then started again when he visited. Then stopped altogether when he was taken as prisoner and tourtered to death. He didnt deserve it. He saved his crew by sacrificing himself. I guess that wasnt heroic in the enemies eyes; or mercy worthy. I heard a car coming up the hill. But I didnt worry about it. Alot of people come here for alone time. If I'm lucky I'll be able to score a beer off of someone. I'll be unlucky if its a couple trying to have a romantic evening. If you know what I mean.

   The car pulled up next to me. I looked over to test my luck and sighed. Seems im EXTREMELY unlucky. It wasn't someome trying to drink their worries away, It wasn't a couple trying to have a "romantic" evening...It was Alex. He took the keys out of the ignition and got out the car not noticing me. He put down the cover since it was a porshe convertible, and climbed on top of his hood of his car with a beer in his hand. He finally looked over in my direction and slumped his shoulders

"What are you doing here?" He asked

I rolled my eyes and looked ahead of me.

"I was thinking the same thing"

"I used to come here with my mom"

"Same here-" I looked down "just with my dad"

He exhaled a deep breath I'm pretty sure he didnt even know he was holding in.

"Rach.. about earlier-"

"Forget about it.. it wasn't a big deal"

"Wasnt a big deal??" He started climbing off the hood of his car. 

"I pushed you...Pushed you like how I used to do my dad when he tried to hurt my mom. I never touched you in my life. And not only that.. but I've never seen you look at me with soo much fear in your eyes. Better yet ANYONE!! Im so so sorry I didnt mean it. I was just in the heat of the moment. I want you to come back to me"

By the time he was done he was next to me holding my hand. I looked at him and slipoed my hand out of his. And walked so close to him I can feel his heartbeat on my shoulder.

"Go back to you?? I was never WITH you in the Fucking FIRST PLACE!!"

With ever sentence I pushed him with more force than the last.

"All you got from me was sex. You dont want me. I deserve better. Im not some girl who asks "How high?" when you tell me to jump. Im not a toy you can play with when you're bored or lonely or horny. Im not the girl who finally falls in love and gets her prince charming in the end. This isn't a fairy tale! This is real life! You want me?? EARN ME!! Matter of fact dont even try. Because you can't work to have me as your "property" if I dont even belong to my damn self. Im officially property to the biggest killing disease! I don't even have long to live. Yea.. thats right my lifeline was cut down to 6-12 months . MONTHS alex not YEARS. I want to be able to live my dream life. To explore the world. Become a famouse nurse/actor! But hey, as long as you have me its all good. Well, its not. You don't have to go to a hospital every two weeks and have a nurse make you eat A stale cookie and drink orange juice while you're getting some type a treatment done to you thats supposed to make you feel better, but in reality it make you feel like hell. You dont have to take a shower and run your hands through your "silky" hair to come face to face with a hand full if hair. Im reminded every day that im going to die. Yet, your here asking for me to come to you; well youre a little too late. I waited and waited and waited. But you finally noticed me when im dying. You dont deserve me. I dont even deserve me. So how about you go fuck yourself.. because im through with you, the amazing sex, and the God damn cancer... I'm DONE"

  By the end of that speech I was stradling him. His face wet with my tears. He didnt say sorry or ill leave you alone he kissed me... passionately. I wrapped my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. When his tounge entered my mouth was when reality kicked in. I tore away from him and backhanded him so hard it echoed throughout the city. Ouch. That'll leave a nark. I stood up and pointed my finger at him.

"Done"

I walked towards my motorcycle and climbed ontop. I started it and before I could drive off I was stopoed by these simple words:

" We aren't done. And you're not alone. We could go through this together. I cant loose you too. We dont have to have sex. I just want to be able to hold you. If you feel like we could work on this when you drive off dont go home, go to my house. Lay in my bed and let me hold you. If you want space go home; and I'll wait."

I sighed

"What are we?"

"What do you me-"

"I mean.. What is this this between us. But I know damn sure we arent a couple. What are we?"

Silence.

I took that as my cue and drove off. He looked like he was gonna say something but it didnt matter. It took too long so it must not be genuine. Now do I go home or his house?? I got and hour to think about it.

                 ***Alex POV***

"...We're you reason to live"