Babineaux Bléu

9

The Middle Finger

It hadn't set in yet. Siani and Anel's break up was about one hour fresh and she was still trying to wrap her mind around nearly three years of fidelity gone. It felt weird knowing that she was officially single.

With everything they'd been through, it didn't seem real to her. Sinai wasn't sure how to feel either. She thought she would hurt more, she thought she'd be in some form of hysterics, bawling her eyes out, or even wanting to die, but she only felt extreme sadness.

"Well, what happened? What did he say when you told him?" Rachel slipped her shoes off and sat next to Siani on her bed. As soon as she received the text that Anel had broken up with her, she was there by Siani's side in less than fifteen minutes.

"A lot." She said, breathing past the ache in her chest. "He didn't even let me explain...I guess there was no point."

It wasn't like she hadn't seen it coming. Rachel shook her head.

"I still can't believe Lyle did that. I can't believe you did that."

She turned, catching her eye. "Is that an 'I told you so'?"

"No, it's just, that isn't like you. You guys kissed and--"

"He kissed me."

"You let him kiss you, and then waited a whole month before you said anything," Rachel said and Siani rolled her eyes.

"Had I not kissed him would I still have a boyfriend?" She asked rhetorically. "Even if I'd told him the same day, I doubt it would have made a difference. He needed any reason to break it off and I gave him more than one."

"Maybe it would've played out differently had you told him sooner, who knows? But how come you never told me any of this before? If he felt that way, then why hold on when he wasn't?

"Because I really loved him, Ray; and all people ever did was judge my situation and it didn't help that he started to become unsure about us." Siani's eyes welled with tears. She remembered the day when Anel began to question the security of their relationship and how bad she felt when he discovered she'd lost her promise ring.

"He was going to marry me and I messed that up...I messed up." Her voice thinned and she covered her eyes, trying not to let her un-cried tears fall, but it was useless. One after the other, they began to spill. Rachel shifted so that she was rested next to Siani and comforted her.

"I shouldn't have told him," She sobbed.

"No, you did the right thing."

"My family loved him." She exclaimed. "How will they think of me when they find out that we broke up because I let another man kiss me?"

"They'll still love you," Rachel assured.

"I'm such an idiot."

"You're not an idiot. You made a mistake."

"One of the biggest mistakes of my life." She sniffed. "What makes it worse is that he didn't fight for us...how can you just stop trying after three years?"

"Some things aren't meant to be, Si. This is just one of those things you have to take as a lesson. You learn and you grow from it; and as shitty as you may feel right now, this is not the end for you."

"This wouldn't even have happened if..." Siani stopped short in her sentence and breathed deeply through her nose. "Never mind."

"What?"

"It's just...we would probably still be together if it hadn't happened." She said, licking the salty tears from her lips. "Anel and I already had problems way before Lyle came into the picture, but maybe we could've fixed them when he came to visit...now, I'll never know."