Lady Midnight from Mark's POV

Entry Eight

I stayed in the kitchen after everyone left in silence then slid to the floor and looked at the mess I had created of not only the kitchen, but of my life. As I stared at the destroyed kitchen, I heard something move in the pantry and out popped Tavvy. He was still covered in a thin layer of powdered sugar, and his eyelids were fluttering as if all he wanted was to sleep. And that was exactly what he did, Tavvy took three stumbling steps then collapsed onto my lap. Curling up like a little potato bug, he was asleep within a minute and snoring in three. I sighed and moved a few of his unruly brown curls off his forehead, my hand came back coated with sugar. Julian was right, Tavvy was probably permanently covered in sugar, but that wasn't the only thing Julian was right about. I wasn't normal, I didn't-

"Mark?" A voice, Cristina interrupted my pessimistic thoughts.

"Hi Cristina," I murmured. "Could you, if you don't mind, get me a glass of water? I don't want to wake him."

"Of course." She smiled, turning to the sink for a moment and returning with a glass, then sitting down cross legged next to me. "I'm sure Julian isn't that angry with you."

I'm sure he is. I thought gloomily, but said nothing and took a long drink of my water. It tasted metallic and distinctly clean, it was a taste I had forgotten I used to associate with water.

"You could pick up Tavvy," Cristina suggested softly. " You could carry him to bed, if you want to sleep."

"I like him here," I let a ghost of a smile touch my lips. "He just- They all left, and he fell asleep on me."

"Of course he did, he's your brother. He trusts you."

He trusts me? I found this almost laughable, because in the end I will let him down.I'll probably screw up and hurt him, and then he'll learn that I shouldn't be trusted with anything.

"Nobody trusts a Hunter." I shifted slightly on the floor and Tavvy curled closer.

"You are not a Hunter in this house. You are a Blackthorn." Cristina protested.

"I wish Julian agreed with you. I thought I was keeping the children happy, I thought that was what Julian would've wanted."

"You have to understand," She said. "Julian does everything for these children. Everything. I have never seen a brother who is so much like a parent. He cannot only tell them yes, he has to tell them no. He must deal in discipline and punishment and denial. Whereas you can give them anything. You can have fun with them."

"They love Julian more than anything, he can have fun with them." I said. Julian deserved to have fun with them, he was their brother too.

"He can't," Cristina brushed a granule of sugar off my arm. "He is envious because he loves them but he cannot be their brother. He must be their father. In his mind, they dread him and adore you."

Julian's jealous?" That couldn't be true. "Of me?"

"I think so. Be kind to him. He has a gentle soul. He is terrified that you will leave and break the hearts of the children he loves to the moon and back."

I looked down at Tavvy, he was still sleeping soundly. "I don't know what I will do. I did not realize how it would tear at my heart to be back among them. It wa thinking of them, of my family, that helped my live through the first years I was in the Hunt. Everyday we would ride, steal from the dead. It was cold, a cold life. And at night I would lie down and conjure their faces to lull me to sleep. They were all I had until-" I broke off as Tavvy stirred and sat up.

"Jules?" He yawned and it dug straight into me, Julian was the one who took care of him, Julian was the one who he expected to see when he woke up.

"No," I said quietly. "It's Mark.

"Oh,right." Tavvy gave me a blink eyed smile. "I think I need to go to bed." And with that he slid off my lap and left the kitchen, pausing only for a moment to say goodnight to Cristina.

"Until?" Cristina prompted. "You said something about your family, the memory of your family, was all you had until something. Until Kieran?"

"Yes." I hummed, this was a treacherous topic that danced a fine line.

"Was he the only one that was kind to you?"

Kindness. I snorted. "There is not kindness in the Hunt. There is respect, and a sort of camaraderie of brothers. They feared kieran, of course. Kieran is gentry, a Prince of Faerie. His father, the King, gave him to the Hunt as a sign of goodwill to Gwyn, but he also demanded his good treatment. That good treatment was extended to me, but even before Kieran, they came to slowly respect me." I hunched my shoulders forward, almost as if I was curling in on myself. I didn't want her attention, her pity. "It was worst when we attended the revels. Faeries from all over the world came to those, and they did not appreciate a Shadowhunter's attendance. They would do their best to draw me aside, to taunt and torment me."

"Did no one intervene?"

I laughed, it was a bitter and sharp noise that echoed through the nearly dirty kitchen. "The way of Faerie are brutal, even for the greatest among them. The Queen of the Seelie Court can be deprived of her powers if her crown is stolen. Even Gwyn, who leads the Wild Hunt, must yield to anyone who steals his cloak. You cannot imagine they would show mercy to a half Shadowhunter boy. They even had a rhyme they would mock me with."

"A rhyme?" Cristina seemed genuinely surprised, but this was not that uncommon in Faerie. They really loved poetry. "Never mind, you don't need to tell it to me, not if you don't want to."

"I no longer care." I sighed and brought the words back up into my mind. "First the flame, and then the flood, but in the end it's Blackthorn blood."

Cristina suddenly jolted upright. "What?"

"They claimed in meant that Blackthorn blood is destructive, like flood or fire. That whoever made up the rhyme was saying Blackthorns were bad luck. Not that it matters. It's just a bit of nonsense."

"That isn't nonsense," Cristina exclaimed. "It means something. The words written on the bodies...." She frowned in concentration. "They're the same."

"What do you mean?"

"Fire to water." She said. "That's what was carved into the bodies we found, and it's the same, they're simply different translations. When English is not your first language, you understand the sense of words differently. Believe me, 'fire to water' and 'first the flame and then the flood,' they could be the same thing."

"But what does that mean?" I couldn't understand how the words that the other Hunters used to mock me with could be any use to our investigation.

"I'm not sure." Cristina pushed a hand through her hair in utter frustration. "Please, promise me you'll mention it to Emma and Jules as soon as you can. I could be wrong,but..."

"I promise." I smiled but frowned quickly. "It occurs to me that you know a great deal about me, but I know very little about you. All I know is your name and that you left something behind in Mexico. What was it?"

"Not something," She said gingerly. "Someone. I left a boy named Diego and his brother Jamie. One of them I was in love with, and the other was my best friend. They both broke my heart."

"For your heart twice broken, I am sorry." I said. "But is it wrong I am glad that it brought you into my life? If you had not been here when I arrived- I do not know that I could have borne it. When I first saw Julian, I thought he was my father, I did not know my own brother so grown. I left them when they were children, and now they are no longer that. When I knew what I had lost, even with Emma, those years of their lives... You are the only one I have not lost something with, but rather gained a new friendship."

"Friendship." Cristina agreed.

And maybe that was just what I needed; a friend.