Lady Midnight from Mark's POV

Entry Twelve

Somewhere. I thought. Julian had said he had boxed up all the stuff in my room and put it in the east storage room. It was time for me to reclaim my old life. Now if I could only find the storage room. As I tugged open a nearby door I found myself in a music room. Clearly not one that was used often, the piano was dust coated along with a pile of instrument cases in the corner, except for a violin case on the very top which was polished till it shined. Emma's father had played the violin.

"Mark?"

I jumped and turned to see Ty behind me, barefoot in blue jeans and an old sweater.

"Hello Tiberius," I liked the long version of my brother's name, it seemed to suit his demeanor better. "Were you looking for something?"

"I was looking for you. I tried last night, but I couldn't find you, and then I fell asleep."

"I was saying goodbye to Kieran." I explained.

"Goodbye?" Ty looked a tad surprised. "Does that mean you're staying here definitely?"

I could help the smile that crept onto my cheeks. "I am. I'm staying here."

"Good. That's good."

"I thought so." Where was this conversation going?

"It is, because you can take over for Julian."

Take over?

"Julian isn't technically the oldest." Ty continued. "And even though they'd never put you in charge officially because you're half-Faerie, you could still do what Julian does. Look after us, tell us what to do. It doesn't have to be him. It could be you."

Ty was wearing such an open expression of hope that a wave of panic ran through me, and I thought back to the night when I had watched them. I could barely take care of myself, much less any of my siblings.

"Ty," I ground out. "You can't just arrange other people's lives like that, What would make you think that this was a good idea?"

Ty's eyes were darting about the room, settling anywhere but on me. "I didn't mean to make you angry. I thought you had a good time that night, in the kitchen, when Julian left you in charge-"

"I had a good time. We all had a good time. I also set fire to the stove and coated your little brother in sugar. That's not how things are supposed to be all the time, That's not how-" I broke off and leaned against the nearest wall. " What on earth would make you think I qualified to be Tavyy's guardian? Or Dru's? You and Livvy, you're older, but that doesn't mean you don't need a parent. Julian is your parent."

"Julian's my brother." Ty's words came out strained. "And so are you. You're like me, we're like each other."

"No." I said sharply. "We're not. I'm a mess, Tiberius. I barely know how to live in this world. You're capable. I'm not. You're a whole person, you were raised by someone who loved you, that's what parents do, but for years, I haven't had that. By the Angel, I barely know how to take care of myself. I certainly can't care for the rest of you."

Ty's face had gone white, he took a step back, then bolted out into the hallway, his running footsteps fading.

I'm a coward. I thought angrily. I had cringed away from the responsibility that had been crushing Julian for years.

I don't belong here.

I no longer understood anything I had done, why had I done this to myself?

I should've stayed with the Wild Hunt. I almost wept as I slid to the floor with my head in my hands.