help me || anti au

october 10th

October 10th, 2016

hey ________... its been a good couple of days!!

ha, just kidding.

things have gotten worse since i last wrote in here.

i can't believe after that tumblr ask, my whole world came down.

i know i shouldn't be blaming the internet for all of my problems, but a random person made a fucking demon come into my house. a demon that won't leave me alone.

who knows if it was the tumblr ask? maybe i read a satanic ritual on how to bring demons up from the underworld by accident.

what a fucking disaster.

on the same day i woke up in the bathtub, i went on skype and called signe while she was in denmark.

she answered and we naturally gave our hellos and "i miss you's" to each other.

as the call went on, she kept commenting on how dead i looked. how pale, how tired, how exhausted and etc.

i told her not to worry. i was still eating and drinking fine, i was probably just getting a cold.

then i started feeling loopy. i didn't remember much of anything that went on during that time. afterwards, she said i started talking about anything and i kept laughing and giggling a lot.

i could only imagine the things i said. she said i mostly talked about smoke, and "anti".

how the smoke was black and how inhaled it all. how i woke up in a "pretty black tub of lovely darkness", how "anti" whispered nice things into my ear, and how i wanted to meet the smoke again.

why the fuck would i want that?

she started laughing since she thought i was joking. of course, i went along with it because i didn't want her to worry about me more than she already does.

i was exhausted. i was overworked.

i actually felt drained for the first time in years.

i went to go edit one video that was supposed to be up tomorrow. i tried to, at least. i kept going out of focus.

nevertheless, i kept going. i didn't feel like i was overworking myself, so i was fine.

i am completely fine.

at one point, i felt sleepy. i had to admit, i was literally a goner once my eyes were closed shut. my eyes were droopy and i could picture the thoughts running through my mind as they started to form into lost dreams.

suddenly, i heard myself whisper a name again.

"anti".

everything went black. i couldn't remember what i was doing.

i don't even know if i did anything.