Chapter Twenty Two

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My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore, I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes

Standing alone in her bedroom before the mirror, Sisi took in her bare image. She saw herself; young, happy, vibrant. She saw her younger sister, they played in the sand and under the rain together. She saw them sit under the moonlight and listen to their mother tell them stories. She heard her happy laughter as her Mother picked her up and spun her around. She heard the soft whispers of adults in the middle of the night as they negotiated on something. She saw herself put a wrapper over her head in the guise that she was sleeping as someone pushed her bedroom door open.

“Crystal, get up” She heard Papa's orders but pretended to be asleep. “Crystal!” He gave his orders in Yoruba, asking her to wake up and get dressed.

She shoved her wrapper aside and let out a pretentious yawn.

“Get up!” Papa was impatient.

“Should I wake Tomi up too?” She asked, referring to her younger sister who slept beside her.

“Did I ask you to wake her up?” He asked sternly. She hated it when Papa got mad at her so she diligently obeyed and followed him out the door.

A stranger sat there with her Mother who had her head bowed.

“Here she is”

He shoved her towards the stranger who gripped her wrist. She didn't know why but she began to yell and work to loosen that grip on her wrist. He held on tightly so she dug her teeth into his hand and pulled away, tasting blood. He let out an angry growl, retreating his bruised hand. Freed at last, she ran towards her mother and buried her face in her wrapper.

“Crystal, stop that!” Papa worked to take a hold on her.

“No“ She cried, clinging tightly to her mother's wrapper.

“Stop that!” She felt strong hands grip her arm and she fought even harder, kicking him from behind. “Are you mad?!” He yelled in yoruba. “Tell her to go with him!” He faced her mother, scolding her.

“Crystal, go...” She responded in half a whisper.

“No, please”
  
“Stand up!” He yanked her away from her mother and handed her over to the stranger who stood watching the exchange in amusement. “He will take care of you” He added.
   
“Are you worried about me or yourself?!” She blurted out.
   
“How dare you disrespect me!” Her father reached out to hit her across the face when her mother stood up to stop him and for the first time, Sisi saw that she had been crying. She avoided making eye contact with Sisi as she stood between them.

Sisi felt weak. Her mind could not understand what was happening, her heart could not bear the betrayal. She could not understand why they chose her to give away, she did not understand what she must have done to deserve any of this. For awhile, she waited; hoping her mother would fight this madness, hoping she would take her side, hoping she would close her eyes and find that this was a bad dream when she opened them.
   
“Enough drama for one night. Let us go” The stranger finally spoke and strangely, she did not see the need to fight him. She turned and walked silently away into the waiting vehicle.

The stranger was Chief. She stared at the mirror, at every scar on her body; a reminder of all the abuse she was made to endure. Her yells for help as Chief whipped her, took a knife and cut her. She saw him walk into her bedroom, she saw him take off his belt, she saw him throw wades of cash at her like a mere call girl, she saw him give orders that her unconscious body be taken to the Hospital. She saw it all and she allowed herself relive the experience besides, she relived it every night she fell asleep. But today, she wasn't asleep.

She saw her son. The only child she gave life to. She saw his smooth cheek and button nose. She saw him snuggle close and close his eyes. She saw blood. She listened to him cry his last. She held him in her arms. She never got to name him. She never got to bury him.

She clutched her stomach as the memories threatened to cripple her. She saw Aby walk into her Hospital room. She saw her adamantly refuse to discharge her. She saw her stand her ground against Chief. She saw her take her to Remi's house.

A loud sob escaped her lips as she saw Remi. He stood before her, a stubborn man with many troubles of his own, yet willing to take on her own troubles. She saw him wrap his arms around her as she struggled with her nightmares. She heard him read the Bible to her. She heard him tell her he loved her. She saw him put his life in danger to save her, to protect her. She heard his laughter and saw his beautiful dimple. She saw him swallow his pride and put her needs above his. She saw what a great father he was.

She saw Jesse. Her innocence and pure love brought tears to Sisi's eyes. She saw her throw her arms around her and kiss her cheeks. She saw her  tears as she struggled with the news of her departure.

She saw Jummy, a young, beautiful, teen, willing to fight for her child, willing to fight even if it meant losing her own life. She saw her fight to death. 

She saw herself, a child who had struggled with rejection, abuse, anger, hate. She touched her face. Where was God when all that happened, happened?

It's your parents who gave you away, not God. You can blame him for what they did or you can see his intervention when he sent Remi to help you” She heard Jummy's last words to her. “Turn to God for comfort, not away from Him”

She fell to her knees and wept.

“I have been so angry for so many years. I can't go on like this” She held her eyes shut. “I desire your love. I desire it more than anything that was why, even Remi's love was not enough. So, God, I turn from myself, I turn from my anger, I turn from my hurt, I turn from Chief's abuse, I turn from my parents' neglect and rejection, I turn from this crippling sadness and oh, if you would have me” She sobbed as she spoke every word. “I turn to you” She stretched out her body and placed her head on the wooden floor and drifted to a peaceful sleep, for the first time in many years.

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