He sighted.
"I just had the worst day of my life. Literally, it was even worse then moving here. When I moved here I still had hope. And now I don't. I'm literally trapped because of Kevin and his friends. For example: I had lunch with them today. I didn't say a word, I just listened. All they did was talking negative about other people. They were saying mean things about you, Alessia, Melanie, Tyler, Alexis Ben J and more of your friends. They were mean about Tyde, they were making homophobic jokes. Literally all they did was talking bad about other people. I mean, those people need a mirror. It's not okay to judge people because of their friends or their clothes or their sexuality. That's not okay." I could hear his voice breaking.
And that was the moment I broke down in tears. Because I knew he accepts me for the way I am, and I am really, really happy because of that. But I felt so sad for him too, because he is having the worst time of his life because there are people forcing him to have lunch with them, I don't even know why, and I just had so many feelings at the same time. I felt mad, scared, sad, relieved and everything at the same time.
Connor was looking at me while I was trying to wipe my tears of my face every 2 seconds.
"Hey? You okay?" he asked, with his soft voice.
"I-i'm f-fine, I-i guess" I stuttered
"Are you sure?" he said, and I could still tell he felt like crying too.
I sighted. "Yes" I said, and I forced myself to stop crying. I sighted again.
He took a sip of his coffee and stared at me with his teary eyes.
"Look, I just want to go back to Minnesota as soon as possible. I don't want to stay here for one more minute. But my parents won't let me. They want me to live here, with them. My parents both have a job in here and I just wish they'd let me live on my own in America but they won't and I'm just not happy at the moment. My parents tell me I have to get used to it a bit and that, after I got used to it, everything will be fine. And maybe they're right but I just don't want this. I want to go home."
The tears were not longer in his eyes, but rolling down his cheeks. I wish I could do something for him.
"Connor, I'm so sorry. I really get it. And I wish I could help you moving back to Minnesota but I'm afraid I won't be able to do that." I sighted,he looked at me hopefully while there were tears running down his cheeks.
"The least I can do is inviting you to have lunch with me and my friends this week? And we could ask our history teacher if you can change places?"
I thought is was a great plan. Kevin probably won't blame Connor but me, so the worst thing that could happen is that they'd hate me even more (if that is possible) and beat me up an other time, and they'd probably do that if he's not hanging out with us too. So yeah, nothing to loose.
"But Kevin and his friends will beat me up, like they did to you, I'm scared, Troye."
"Yes, I get that. It is scary. But you'll be fine, I assure you you'll be fine. Don't worry. Please, have lunch with us for the rest of this week. If it doesn't work out, we'll figure something out. Don't worry."
He looked at me, his eyes full of fear. I could tell how scared he was. I got him. I really really got him.
I wake up every day, with that same fear.
The fear of being beaten up.
The fear of being called a 'faggot'.
The fear of being spit in the face.
The fear of being judged.
The fear of being yourself.
And I know he would be okay, he's not gay, so they won't judge him like they judge me. They won't beat him up like they beat me up.
They beat me up for who I am, not for something I've done.
"Look, Troye, I'm scared. But I shouldn't be. You'll be with me, and your friends will too. It'll be fine. You're right. I'll have lunch with you tomorrow. Thank you so much for inviting me." He sighted, almost in relief.
A smile appeared on my face. I wanted to hug him even though I knew I shouldn't. I smiled at him, and he smiled back.
"Thank you so much for listening to me. It made me a lot more... You know, calm. I'm so happy there is at least one kind person in this fucking city."
"That's fine, don't worry. I'm happy I could help you."
"I think I must go home by now. It's already late and my parents always eat very early. Thanks again, for making the worst day of my life a little less bad. And I'll see you tomorrow." He smiled again.
I walked to the door with him, and waved at him til I couldn't see him anymore.
I was so happy I could be his friend. I was so happy I could finally help someone.
•
I ate dinner with my whole family, and it was so busy. We talked about Sage's boyfriend, Steele's job, Tyde's new music and my YouTube channel. We were all so happy and I decided that I have the best family ever.
They're so kind and I love them so much.
I scrolled through Tumblr while being in front of the TV. I reblogged everything that seemed interesting enough to take the efford to move my finger and click twice.
I got tired and decided to go to bed. I kissed my parents goodnight, hugged my sister, smiled at Steele. Tyde was already upstairs. I walked in his room and tried to scare him. We laughed together.
After I showered and brushed my teeth I went to bed. I didn't go on Tumblr or YouTube or Instagram or Twitter. I went to sleep. Be proud.
I was scared of tomorrow. I don't even know why.
(A/N My school started again, and I'm stressed already. I'll still update this story, don't worry. I'm sorry for not updating for so long, but I was so busy with school things and friends.
Well, goodbye, my friends. Ily all
Xx Sophie)
