Weddings

Chapter 10

Paul kissed Richard again, the younger man's hands coming up and threading in Paul's hair, only to be batted away. Don't touch me. I'll touch you. I'm in charge here! Paul placed a palm in the centre of Richard's torso, pushing him back towards the bedroom.

He was going to fuck this man, and then decide to stay out of the band anyway. He'd let Richard stew on it for a week; realise how it felt to be used by a friend for sexual gratification. Once Paul had taught Richard a lesson he was sure he could put all this behind him, rejoin the band, and go back to normal. Just giving him a taste of his own medicine.. nothing wrong with that. Paul denied himself any feeling of guilt. An eye for an eye.

Eventually he had his prey pushed up against the door, writhing and panting as Paul took control. A soft moan as Paul got to work leaving love bites on his neck. Paul gripped Richard's waist with one arm, pulling him closer, while the other pushed down the door handle and granted the pair access to the bedroom.

Paul used both arms now, holding Richard tight as he memorised the man's warmth, shape, and scent. "Oh, Rrrichard." Paul groaned, grinding their hips together, lips parting against his friend's as the men shared their panting breaths. Without any more time wasted Paul had Richard sitting on the bed, looking up at him with blushed cheeks and dark eyes as Paul stood back and tackled his belt and zip.

Richard bit his lower lip dirtily, looking on in anticipation of the task that was to come. "Oh yeah. Are you excited Paul? Do you want me?" Richard stroked himself through his jeans, "D'ye want me Paulie?"

Man he loves himself. Paul finally freed himself, moving forward. Suddenly he was stopped in his tracks by a thought. No wonder he can't cope with anyone else loving him. He's so in to himself that any other person in a relationship is really just getting in the way. And most don't really love him anyway. Not like me.

Paul's breath hitched suddenly, and he was no longer aware of what was going on around him; Richard's confused look, the sound of his phone ringing, the feel of his cock slowly softening in his hand, just inches from Richard's waiting mouth. I love him. Then Paul was back in the room, and ultra-aware of what was going on here; what he had been planning to do to Richard, the man he loved. A man who, clearly, was damaged by past experiences. Who needed Paul's friendship, and trusted Paul to give it to him. Why would I ever use this man? Purposefully hurt him?!

Paul felt emotions well up in his throat, making his eyes sting. He felt so bad for even going this far with the plan, putting himself back in his jeans seemed to emphasise just how far he could have gone had he not stopped to think. He knelt down in front of Richard, looking up into the younger man's eyes and stroking his jaw. "Oh Gott, Richard. I'm so sorry. I really am. I was going to use you terribly, and I had no intention of rejoining Rammstein afterwards. Sorry." Paul could keep neither the torment from his voice nor the tears from his cheeks.

Richard looked confused, "I know you're using me Paulie, and I know you don't want to rejoin. That's what I'm doing here; I'm convincing you!"

Paul felt a little dismay at these words, "Richard, you're not a toy! Not to me! I c-" Paul swallowed thickly before continuing in a deeper, shakier voice than before, "I care for you, very deeply, an-"

"As a friend?" Richard's features softened, "You're my best friend too Paul, that's why it's okay."

"N-No, Richard, it is not okay." Paul corrected, "I care for you very deeply, as... as a friend, and that's why I should never use you in this way, even if you used me. It's my job to always be honest with you and to look out for you, not to try and prey on you just to make myself feel better."

Richard looked a little like something clicked in his head here, suddenly shifting and looking uncomfortable. "Did you feel used in the barn, Paul? Like I was... a bad friend?"

Paul looked up into his friend's eyes, "Y-yes." he admitted.

"And when you visited me and I did it again?"

"Even more so." Paul frowned a little at the memory.

"I... Sorry. I won't ever, ever have sex with you again!" Richard's eyes widened with sincerity as he tried to appease his friend, "You can trust me. Never. I'll never use you just to feel good! I don't want you to think I'm selfish Paul, you're my best friend; it's important to me that you and I always get along, even if you won't rejoin!"

Paul's heart sank a little. His feelings were, unsurprisingly, completely misread and unrequited by Richard. "Thanks.." Was all he managed to mumble, feeling suddenly awkward about the fact his hands were rested on Richard's knees.

"W-will you.. y'know... rejoin?"

"Uhm.." Paul sighed, he'd only left for effect, but suddenly the thought of rejoining made his stomach twist. "I.. I can't. No, not now. I want... I need to be alone now Reesh. I can't be in Rammstein right now, I just.. I need to clear my head."

Richard sighed, shoulders slumping. "Is it all my fault Paulie?" The younger man avoided eye contact, looking genuinely ashamed.

"No! Nooo!" Paul assured in a soft, yet sincere voice. He sighed again, suddenly pulling Richard into a warm hug. One last chance to feel him this close, Paul closed his eyes, trying to subtly nuzzle into the crook of Richard's neck by pretending to shift on his knees. Richard's legs parted to hold Paul closer and Paul pulled back, panic in his chest. Can't risk him finding out. Not now.

"But.. umm, I'm still drunk from last night so... See you later?" Paul quickly checked his phone as a text buzzed in, ignoring the Rammstein texts and calls, he realised the last call must have been Emil. "One new text.. Emil.. Where are you taxi?" Paul laughed a little, shrugging at Richard as he stood to leave.

"How are you gonna meet Emil if you're drunk?"

"Oh Scheiße!" Paul hadn't even considered that! "He needs to pick up his stuff from his old flat and move it in here!" That's gonna require a car.

Richard smiled softly at Paul, patting his cheek. "S'okay Paul, I'll get him. I owe you one anyway." Paul was speechless as his friend stood and exited his flat, the mixture of feelings that last statement had caused pierced straight into his chest. Guilt for his revenge plans, relief that Richard and he were friends again, and disappointment that they would now never be anything more.

I love him. Paul's eyes stung as he crawled onto his bed, clutching a pillow to his chest and pretending it was Richard he was cuddling up to. I love him.