My Best Friend

Chapter 22

Ellie POV

    On the way back to Georgia, I told Brantley thatI needed to go to my house. He said,"yeah you do need to get some more stuff."
I looked at him and said," B I need to go back to my house and live. I need to know that I can live by myself again. I haven't done it and I have too. I have to conquer my fears. I know you are gonna pitch a fit but please just hear me out. I love you and if we are gonna make it B I have to be able to say I can live by myself. I have to know that I wasn't damaged beyond repair. To be able to give myself to you forever I have to do this cause what happens when you tour and I have to stay here for my job or I just can't go with you, I need to know I can stay by myself. Because I need for you to know that I will be okay if you aren't here for some reason. So please understand when I say I need to stay at my house."
He looks at me and said," I don't like it one damn bit Ell, but I do understand why you need to and what you are saying but I don't have to like it. I want you to be whole and healthy and if this is what you need to do to feel that way then I support you. I will always support you, I don't have to like it just like I didn't have to like it when you went out with Chase in school but I let you do that and had your back because I loved you. I love you now even more baby. I reserve the right to stay over sometimes and you to stay with me sometimes. But I do get it and I know you want your life, your full life back. So I'm taking you to your house tonight?"
I smile at him and said,"yeah take me to my house tonight and I reserve the right to call you if I get scared and need you to come stay with me."
B said," You call I will come running baby all you have to do is say my name. I will be there as soon as I can. Do you still know how to shoot and do you have a gun and permit?"
I tell him that I have all that still. I had it when I was attacked but wasn't thinking so I wasn't prepared.
When we pull up at my house B asked for my keys and he went in and made sure everything was okay before he let me go in the house. I have therapy in the morning and B kisses me and tells me that he is just a phone call away before closing my front doors for he stood outside the door until he heard me turn the locks on the door. I heard his boots go across the porch and down the steps. He got in his truck and drove away. I sank to the floor against the door and cried. I knew I had to do this for both of us but I honestly don't think I can anymore. I have changed, I am afraid in my home and even as a child I was never afraid here.
    After sitting against the door for some time, I get up and get ready for bed. As I am getting ready for bed my phone beeps,

B: I love you sweetheart and you can do this! If you need me all you have to do is say my name and I will come running!
E: Thank you!  I love you and I am ready for bed and gonna try and sleep.
B: Dream of me baby!
E: Those would be sexy dreams not sweet ones.
B: Elll, you are killing me baby. I have gotten so used to you in my bed and in my arms that I don't know how much sleep I'm gonna get myself.
E: I love you and I do understand. Goodnight.
B: Goodnight.

I have on Brantley's shirt and I crawl into bed hoping I can do this as I drift off to sleep.
I wake up with a jolt and listen, I don't hear anything so I know it must have been a dream. I go downstairs and check the doors and locks and I head back upstairs. I'm awake but I'm not calling B I'm gonna do this. I go back to bed and drift back off and the next thing my alarm is going off. I feel like crap cause I didn't sleep well without him but I did it!! Now to get up and head to therapy or torture whichever way you want to say it.