The Secret I Tried to Keep

Chapter 54B

*Zane's POV*

If Chandria wanted to go out with the dumbass jock, then fine. As long as I got to see my daughter, I didn't care anymore. I can't believe how easily she dismissed me... Actually I could believe it. I gave her every reason to. I admit, I wasn't the best, but I'd seen much worse.

I walked into the clean waiting room as I waited for my name to be called. As a requirement, after I was released from the hospital, I had to continue shrink sessions with Dr. Murphy. So here I was. I played on the various apps on my phone before my name was finally called. I stood with a little stretch before I followed the receptionist back to the office.

"Hi, Zane, how are you feeling today?" she asked as I sat on the couch across from her desk. I shrugged and rubbed my neck.

"Fine," I lied. I'd been seeing Dr. Murphy enough that she knew when I was lying.

"What happened?" she asked knowingly. I sighed before I looked at the ceiling.

"Dria..." I said simply. Dr. Murphy chuckled.

"What happened this time?" she asked. I went on to explain Dria's newest antic before Dr. Murphy sighed. "I have a question; if she's so stressful, why push it so hard? It seems like she just wants to move on and you keep hanging on to her. Why?" she asked. I shrugged.

"Because of our daughter, for one. If I'm not there, who's to say she won't just give her up?" I said.

"But what about Dria? Why are you holding on to her when she doesn't want to be held back by you?" she asked. I sighed before I shrugged.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I mean, I love her like the mother of my daughter and I want us to be a family, but... I don't know," I said with a frustrated sigh.

"Sounds like you want to be with her to complete your family. You don't want a broken home for your daughter," she noted. I nodded.

"Well, of course. I grew up with basically neither parent, and look how I turned out," I said motioning to myself.

"You grew up fine, Zane," she stopped me. I rolled my eyes.

"Right," I said sarcastically.

"So you want to be with Dria to complete your idea of a perfect family," she said. I shrugged.

"Well, that, and I'm not going to make her do this on her own," I added.

"So do you want to help her, or be with her? These are two very different things. You could be with her and not help her, too, you know," she said. I shrugged. "So you would want to be with her even if that's not what makes her happy?" she asked as a follow up question.

"I want... I don't know what I want," I admitted. "But I don't want her to be with Martin," I glared at the carpet.

"Because you want to be with her, or because you just don't like him?" Dr. Murphy asked. I hated this self-reflecting shit right now. It made me feel selfish. If I were honest with myself, Tyler was a good guy, and I knew he would do right by Dria, but he wasn't me.

"Martin and I go way back. He was there when everything happened to my family," I said softly.

"And was he a good friend?" she asked. I nodded. "Then why do you not want him to help Dria if he makes her happy?" she asked.

"Because he always thinks he's right," I snapped back.

"Because he tried to help you when you didn't want it?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I shrugged. She was right, but I didn't want to admit it. Nothing was wrong with Tyler. Tyler was a good guy and I knew he could make Dria happy. That thought pissed me off.

"Dria was mine first," I pouted very childishly.

"And look what happened. She ended up emotionally hurt and you ended up in the hospital. I don't doubt that you love her, but I don't think you can see how toxic this relationship is... for both of you," she advised. She was wrong. I did see how toxic we were for each other, but I didn't really care. My pride wouldn't get out of the way to let her be happy.

"Well, it looks like our hour is up," I said, glancing at the clock. It was close to 7 at night. Dria was probably still out with Tyler having a ball. Maybe my shrink was right. Maybe I just liked the idea of a complete family. Maybe it wasn't Dria at all.

I went home and showered before changing into jeans, a white shirt, and my favorite black light leather jacket. If Dria got to go out and have fun and date new people, why couldn't I? I jogged down the stairs and past the living room where Presley was watching TV with Dad. He'd been around a lot lately, trying to bond with us. On weekends, he would go take care of Courtney and their demon child.

"Hold up there mister. Where do you think you're going?" Presley asked as soon as she spotted me. I shrugged.

"Out," I answered vaguely. Presley hummed sarcastically as she came to stand in front of me.

"Okay, let's see... Dria is Ina date with Tyler right now and you want to go 'out'," she said. "You're either going to spy on them or go find a girl to sleep with." I sighed. I hated that I was that transparent.

"I don't even know where their date is," I noted.

"Then you're going to go try to sleep with someone. Remember what happened last time you did that? Plus, it's dad's last night before he leaves for the weekend. Why don't you stay and spend time with us as a family?" She suggested. There was that word again: family.  This barely qualified.

"Don't wait up," I said sternly as I grabbed my keys and left.