Numb // phan au [ Completed ]

Epilogue

I feel like this song sets the mood for this chapter aka heartbreak

*a month later*

Dan's Pov

  I was sitting on my laptop scrolling through Tumblr listening to Muse. My mum called me downstairs, I slowly sat up and walked down the stairs sluggishly. When I got to the bottom I saw my mum stood with an envelope in her hand and bags under her eyes. I was about to ask her if she got enough sleep last night but she started to speak.

  "This came in the mail for you today" she spoke a little nervousness in her voice. I grabbed the envelope seeing it was sent from Uni around a month ago. I thanked my mum and walked back up the stairs tearing open the envelope. I sat down on my bed and looked at the first few words realizing why my mom was so nervous.

  Dear Dan,

  Hi Dan Phillipa here, I decided to write you a letter while you were with on vacation with your family. It's pretty lonely here an Uni without you and I get really bored. After the erm encounter with those girls PJ stopped hanging with me afraid I would affect his social standing so I've just stayed in our dorm all day. Alone. Sometimes the voices get to me but I try to fight them off remembering the sweet things you would say to ease the pain.

  *Insert mocking tone lol*

"Oh Phillipa you know those voices are jealous of how absolutely Beautiful you are"

or the times when you peck kisses on my scars to make them feel better

   Sadly though I'm sad to admit one night it became to much and I started cutting again. There are scars up and down my arm but not to worry I still got your handy dandy sweatshirt here to hide them. I wish you were here I miss your face and presence.

I miss the way your eyes dilated when you would look and me and how lips turned into a smile revealing your dimples.

I miss our kisses the way your lip piecing would brush against my lips.

I miss the little butterflies in my stomach whenever we went on dates.

I miss how your big hand fit perfectly in mine.

  But I mostly miss your words the way you would speak to me telling me I was worth it and how in your eyes I was far from useless.

   I'm slowly fragmenting and I don't know how long I'll be able to hold onto the little sanity I have left in me. I don't wanna drag you down with me because although I can see the happiness in your eyes when you speak to me I can also see the hurt. The worry. The constant fear that you'll say the wrong thing and make me crack. I don't wanna have you go through that and I hope no one else goes through that.

  I'm writing this as a bath runs that I'm taking to help me relax. I'm listening to all our favorite songs the ones we shared through happiness and heartbreak. Anyways I don't wanna flood the whole dorm building so I'm gonna end this here.

   I love you Dan.

                                                                                                                    Love, Phillipa

                       

P.S  Oh and one more thing.

This is my suicide note

  Dan's POV

    Attached to the letter was a photo of her and I that we took in our dorm. We used one a Polaroid that Phillipa got at a thrift store. In the backround light shun from the TV and I held up the camera pecking Phillipa's cheeks. Her cheeks stained red and smile brighter than ever. I cried through the whole letter the once clean sheet of paper now held small droplets of tears. I loved Phillipa more than anything and when she died it hurt more than anything. More than any punch my dad could've thrown. More than any break-up somebody could ensue. I haven't left my house since then. Everything I see reminds me of her, the sky of her crystal eyes. Shadows of her black silky hair and clouds of her soft pale skin. Music even hums the same tune as the happiness in her voice.

  I got up from my bed and grabbed a box from under my bed. Each thing that meant the most to me was in it. A baseball bat from when my dad still cared and he taught me how to hit a home run. A jar of sand from the first time my mom showed my how to swim in the ocean. A band-aid from when I taught Adrian how to ride a bike and he fell. A drawing that I showed the artist when I got my first tattoo.

   I folded up the letter and slipped it inside the box trying not to tear it's paper, now fragile from my tears and slipped the picture inside of it too. I closed the lid and sat it back under my bed. I climbed back into my bed closing my laptop and getting under the cover. I looked out my window beside my bed staring up at the sky.

   "I love you too Phillipa"

***

Hey I'm alive unlike Harambe soz for the VERY late update school is a pain. Hope ya liked the epilogue, Did ya cry? Good.