First Aid Kit

dosed

The meeting to assess my mental stability went about as well as it could without me speaking.

It started off fairly simple; a woman asked me questions about myself and I answered on a white board. She stuck with relatively tame questions. How old were you when you stopped talking? Do you speak often, if ever? How's school? Do you have many friends?

After a while of that, though, she got my parents to come in and answer a few questions while I was in the room. How old was Emberly when she stopped talking? Does she ever speak? How are her grades? Is she often with friends?

I forced myself to not get mad. Obviously, she thought I was crazy; she didn't even believe me when I answered questions about my own life. When she was happy that our answers coincided, she told my parents I had what was called selective mutism, often brought on by a traumatic event. My mom immediately got defensive. There was absolutely no way that I went through something traumatic that she didn't know about. I realized she knew less than I thought.

My dad, however, seemed to accept the information better, as if he had been expecting it, or had already came to the same conclusion.

The doctor said I probably had anxiety, possible PTSD, and maybe depression. She didn't say anything with absolutism, and I was annoyed. I would have just diagnosed myself if nothing was certain, anyway.

She wrote off a prescription in the same hand-writing every doctor had, and handed it to my mom, as if she couldn't trust me not to rip it up and swallow it if it were to come into my possession.

I was instructed to take one 15 milligram pill each night until the prescription ran out, and then come back to get a higher dosage. She said I had to start small to get weened on, but that I would likely need quite a large dose.

As soon as the car stopped in my driveway, I was out and headed to Calypso's. I hadn't had a chance to talk to her since the accident in the hallway, and I wanted to assure her that it wasn't her fault and I wasn't actually scared of her.

The walk to her house provided me with a lot of time to write her a letter in the notes on my phone, rather than signing the whole thing and having to repeat myself multiple times before she could understand.

"Em! Hi, do you want to come in?" She asked when I knocked, and it struck me as odd because she didn't usually verbally invite me, she just left the door open and walked inside, knowing that I would follow. I chalked it up to her being worried about the whole thing, and nodded.

Once inside, I handed her my phone, the note already open. In short, I wrote about how Calypso was the person I trusted most in the world, and that I wasn't scared of her, just the situation. I explained that I had been wound up already because of the talk with my parents, and that my reaction to her grabbing me had been unjustified. I apologized a million times for making a scene and worrying her.

She read it silently with a frown, and then stared at me for a moment. "Em...you...You don't have to apologize for anything. Nothing was your fault. I grabbed you, which was stupid of me, but I wasn't thinking. Anyway, I'm really sorry I did that. I didn't mean to scare you or anything, obviously, I just...I don't know. But, yeah, you have nothing to be sorry about. You just reacted to a bad situation."

We shared a meaningful look, and then she led me out of the hallway and into the living room, where Maisie was already perched on the couch, likely trying to listen to our conversation. I sat next to her, relishing in the warmth she provided.

"We were just about to watch a movie." Maisie said lamely, trying too hard to make it seem like she hadn't witnessed what just happened.

Calypso snorted from the other side of her girlfriend, and I just laughed, leaning more into her.

"I'd let you pick, Em, but we really wanna watch a horror film, you're vetoed." Cal said, leaning forward slightly so she could see me past Maisie.

I pouted, but let it go. Usually, scary movies were at the bottom of my watch-list, but I'd watch anything as long as I was with my two best friends.

***

Since everything was back to normal, it only made sense that we'd be back at The Scoop the next day after school. Admittedly, I was a bit nervous, since the last time I'd stepped foot in there was when Joshua got all creepy with me. Finn assured me that he had been fired and wouldn't be coming back, so I was safe. I don't think Finn and I have the same definition of 'safe.'

Nobody mentioned my freak out, which was a relief. It made me even more scared that people will soon expect me to talk all the time, and that was a pressure I couldn't deal with. It was already enough with my mom, but if it was literally everyone I knew, I'd probably melt away into nothing.

"-another sleepover this weekend," Finn said, "since I didn't get to come to the last one."

I had tuned in halfway through his sentence, but it was easy enough to figure out. Maisie quickly nodded, face breaking out into a smile, but Cal glanced at me first. I tried to give her a reassuring look, and then she accepted for the both of us.

The idea of a sleepover at Asher's house didn't seem quite as daunting as before, but I couldn't seem to tell me face that. I knew Calypso was skeptical of the look I gave her, and it definitely felt forced, but it had no reason to be. I wasn't scared, really.

"But we already had the sleeping arrangements all sorted. Where's Finn gonna sleep?" Maisie asked.

Quick as lightning, Ash was replying, "He can sleep in my bed."

Our eyes met, and I felt myself blushing. It felt like we were sharing a secret. By offering his bed to Finn, was he implying he'd be in the living room with me again? The thought gave me a weird feeling, but it wasn't bad. It was almost good.

There was a short silence. "Where will you sleep?"

After asking, Cal glanced between us, making it obvious that she had seen the weird exchange that had just happened. Asher glanced at me again before shrugging.

"In my bed. Finn and I always share when he sleeps over. Doesn't everyone?"

My heart sank, and I immediately looked at the table. It felt stupid to be disappointed that he wouldn't spend the night with me, when I had previously been terrified of the same idea. Asher, who was sat directly across from me, suddenly nudged my foot with his. When I looked up at him, he sent me a small, secretive smile. It was then that I knew that he had just said that to Cal so he didn't raise any suspicion. That was a good thing, but at the same time it made me nervous. What would be so bad about just saying that he'd sleep in the living room?

And suddenly I hated the idea again.

I didn't let it show, though. I returned his smile and, against my will, blushed again. I was nervous, of course, but it was also exciting. Ash proved to be pretty trustworthy, so I wasn't convinced he would try anything with me against my will, but it felt like some sort of milestone I was surpassing, and that was the scariest part.

Of course, it wouldn't be the first time we slept in the same room, but the first time had been unplanned. I hadn't meant to fall asleep, and I didn't think he'd fall asleep, either. This time, it was something we both knew was gonna happen. It almost seemed tradition, despite only having happened once before.

I felt shitty that he had to sleep on the floor, but I wasn't about to propose a cuddle session for us both to fit on the couch, and I definitely wasn't going to offer to sleep on the floor instead. It seemed the current arrangement was the only available option. I would prefer a bed over the couch, but that was too big of a step. Although, technically, I had slept in Asher's bed before...But, he wasn't in it, so it was fine. 

I was fine.

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the next chapter is gonna be the sleepover chapter obv bc filler chapters (like this one ha) are boring