Humans Of Coffee World

Who you callin' feminine?

So we had a guest speaker session in one of my aforementioned perverted brand classes. 

The guest had worked extensively with the hair removal cream brand; Veet. And he spoke about how he was part of the team who developed this marketing campaign for the brand. The Tagline of the campaign was "Passionately Feminine". 

Apparently, you're at your most feminine, when you're hairless. 

It's so funny how everything we're taught about female beauty, is anything but naturally feminine. 

It's funny how a man can be dubbbed attractive, with or without facial hair. 

If he's clean-shaved, with a hairless 'manscaped' chest, he will be "Clean-Cut"--Your average Captain America prototype. 

If he sports scruffy beards, hairy arms and chest, he is "Ruggedly handsome"--your average Wolverine type. 

There is no one-type of masculine beauty, and I think that's a wonderful thing!

But God forbid, a lady neglects to remove the downy hair from her upper lip. Or her arms and legs!

My BFF is regularly teased by her brother for being "Mr. Pringles" whenever she lets her 'stache grow out. 

Women go to crazy lengths to achieve "Femininity". (Myself included)

We're downright masochistic yo! 

Our body spends millions of calories, lovingly growing hair in mentionable, and unmentionable places, and we...RIP THOSE MOFOS STRAIGHT OUT OF THEIR GODDAMNED HAIR FOLLICLES! (We're savage, ladies. Let's face it.) 

We Wax, Thread, Cream, Laser, Voodoo, and even burn those innocent hair away! And if we dare use something as painless as razors, we have Ms Shraddha Kapoor and her posse of aspiring Mean Girls cast members to remind us that shaving isn't "Feminine enough". (See Ad attached). 

SK: "You're not a BOY! and that's not a TOY!" 

Me: *Plays kitchen-kitchen with my manly razor* "I SHALL PEEL POTATOES WITH MY TOY! BECAUSE AS A DELICATE FEMALE I OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY LIKE THIS!" 

What the heck, lady? 

STUBBLE IS A NATURAL PART OF HAIR REGENERATION, YOU TWIT! IF YOUR BUBBLES ARE BURSTING AFTER COMING IN CONTACT WITH A LIL' STUB, THEN THEY DON'T DESERVE TO BE CALLED BUBBLES! A DECENT, SELF RESPECTING BUBBLE IS STURDY ENOUGH TO WITHSTAND---Wait. 

Why the heck is she even blowing bubbles at her friend's hairy legs? 

When exactly, in the course of your normal lives ladies, do you find yourself distressed at the possibility of soap bubbles popping 0.35 seconds earlier than they usually do? 

ME: *Shaves legs with Feminine Passion* 

It saddens me, that in the eyes of the conventional media, there can only be one kind of beautiful, feminine female: The perfect kind. 

The tall, slender, pale, hairless wonder with thick flowing, obedient locks of hair on her head. (I am so glad, we decided to keep our eyelash hairs in the long run. Imagine threading those out along with our eyebrows, foreheads, upper lips etc.)

Our portrayals of natural female beauty is so messed up! If you're watching a TV show, or a movie, you'll see that even in the middle of a 5-year coma, our heroines will be perfectly groomed and made up. 

I recently saw bits of this movie (not sure about the name, something like Blue Lagoon or Blue Ocean or something), in which the hero and heroine were stranded on an island for years since their childhood. And despite the fact that the lady obviously had no access to creams, waxes, razors and threading techniques...SHE WAS AS HAIRLESS AS A TOAD! 

WHAT SORCERY IS THIS HOLLYWOOD? 

WHERE IS HER ARMPIT HAIR GOING, DAMMIT? 

WHY ARE HER LEGS SMOOTHER THAN A BABY'S BUTT? 

*Breathes Heavily* 

Let me get this straight. 

Even in cases of mortal survival danger, when we have no access to basic bear necessities (such as plumbing, electricity, deodorants, pizza and microwaveable popcorns), we are still expected to look like Gigi Hadid sunbathing in the Hamptons? While Tom Hanks (A dude) in Cast Away is free to look like exactly like a stranded Island hobo, in love with a volleyball....

(Not relevant, but I legit cried when Wilson floated away. That inanimate object had personality, yo...) 

Girls. Let's make a vow today. 

A vow to stop being so hard on ourselves, to look pretty...to look female enough. 

Look good, because we want to feel good about ourselves. 

Let that Unibrow grow, if we don't feel like ripping ourhair out. 

If shaving is convenient for you, then don't let a stupid commercial tell you that it isn't girly, or bubble-safe enough. 

We define what feminine beauty means to us. Not a team of brand managers, or scriptwriters. 

Be your own kind of beautiful. 

Trust me. All of us are Passionately Feminine. 

Love, 

-E.