- Broken • Jaeno

iv

I'm gonna start this by saying that the first part (Before the next morning) is based on my life.
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I woke up in the middle of the night again, with tears running down my face. I try to get up without waking Jeno.
once I got out of bed successfully without waking him up I walked into the kitchen and just sat on the floor and cried. my dad left us when I was a baby, I've been abused by my grandpa my entire life, I've had to deal with the cops and child protective services my entire life, plus the constant bullying. I'm not crying because I miss my dad or anything, I'm crying because my life is so fucking terrible, I literally have no one, fucking no one. I can't do this anymore. I walked over to the drawer and pulled out a knife. I whispered "goodbye broken world" before I held the knife to my throat.
"Jaemin-Ah..." Jeno whispered behind me, I turned around to see a crying Jeno, "please don't Jaemin, it'll be okay... I'll always be here to help." "no Jeno my time is up. I have no one." "No. I know we can get through this together, now give me the knife" I backed away "Jeno..." he ran at me and grabbed the knife I just collapsed on the ground crying my eyes out, he whispered so quietly that I barely heard him "let's go to bed" "okay."
The next morning we got up and walked to the kitchen only to see my mom looking through the fridge.
"Good morning mom"
"good morning Ms. Na"
"Good morning boys, should you be getting ready for school, it's almost time to go." she said pointing at the clock on the stove behind us, we both looked and then looked at each other.
"OH MY GOD WE ARE GOING TO BE  LATE" we both ran into my room and speed changed, and got ready in a good three minutes. "new record?" I said looking at Jeno, he smiled.
"COME ON JAEMIN, BYE MS NA" Jeno yelled as he ran out the door, I yelled out the door as I tried to catch up to my best friend "BYE MOM" I heard her yell in the distance.
"HAVE FUN AT SCHOOL"
We were halfway to school when Jeno stopped. "Jeno, this isn't the time." I started walking again. "Jaemin..." I turned and saw him pointing at something, I looked to see what it was and I almost screamed when I saw his father walking towards us, he stopped right in front of us and I almost jumped in front of Jeno to protect him. "Good morning Mr. Lee, we should go, we might be late to school" "Let me drive you kids, it's no problem at all" he said with a smile on his face "it's fine, come on Jeno" "okay boys, just make sure my faggot of a son gets to school on time" he walked over to Jeno, but I blocked him "come on let me hug my son, I know he wants it, all he wants is boys" "Get away from us, we're leaving" we started walking away from him but then he grabbed jeno's wrist, he tightened his grip and I could see the pain in jeno's face. "LET GO" Jeno screamed, then realizing his mistake. "DONT TALK TO YOUR FATHER LIKE THAT YOU GAY ASS FAGGOT" boom. he slapped him, Jeno was on the ground crying, his dad was gone. I gave him a piggyback ride the rest of the way, I could hear his quiet sobs, I started singing random melodic notes, which turned into a song, "oh Jeno, sweet child, it's going to be alright, you have me and mom, forget dad, oh Jeno, sweet child, the love of my life, I'm sorry you have such an abusive life, if I had  it my way you'd be happy always, you don't deserve sadness" I stopped there because I heard the sobs stop, we made it to school right on time to see our friends, as soon as he saw us Hansol ran up to us "Boys! what happened." "we slept in" Hansol came up to me as Jeno jumped off my back, he whispered into my ear "Jeno told me what happened last night, you promised Jaemin, you promised" he backed up, he looked almost disappointed. "it's no big deal, we should be worried about Jeno" I got closer "it's his dad again" "No Jaemin, we should worry about both of you" "Listen Hansol, I'm fine." "GOD DAMN IT JAEMIN" now everyone was looking, "lower your voice Hansol" he got in my face "you had a fucking knife to your throat, if Jeno hadn't had woken up, you'd be dead, and your telling me to lower my fucking voice? okay Jaemin" "Why are you so mad? I'm fine, okay?" "I've watched your life fall apart over the years, I know the only thing keeping you alive are your friends, mostly Jeno, I know the reason you haven't told him is because rejection will push you off the edge. I know all you want to do is protect him, Jaemin you're not fine" we made eye contact, I know he could see the sadness in my eyes. the bell rang and we walked to class, we passed Jeno talking to Donghyuck on the way, he looked at me and immediately looked away. I looked at Donghyuck who just mouthed "why..."