I am not sure about anything at the moment. It's this day, when you wake up confused. When you feel all your organs tired and sleepy. When you realise you did nothing wrong, but there's something wrong.
I probably won't make sense writing this...
Scratch all that, let me start again:
I figured I should start my letters differently. So my start point from now on is 'Bismillah' (in the name of God)
So it's this day, where I felt all the boredom in the world, and I felt like going back to bed, because bed is where everything stops, it's were sleeping can keep you away from reality.
It's a dying point.
It's dying while still living.
It's breathing, it's not breathing, and it's learning how to breath all at the same time.
It's to some point: being reborn!
But it's not!
So I was being empty over here when a chain of little happy events happened. I didn't notice any of this at first, I was just sitting there, probably frowning at life, and almost attacking everyone coming my way, even if they did nothing wrong to me. Honestly, I didn't mind crying, but I was tearless.
A little girl, around the age of five years old smiled so sweetly at me. A passing stranger greeted me. The weather was actually nice today. I took a bath in the morning and I was still feeling refreshed, clean and warm. A friend invited me over for breakfast a few hours ago. My project was accepted. I passed a bakery on my way back home, and I can still remember the dreamy feeling it got me when I sensed the fresh baked bread's smell in the air.
When I sat down in the park today, I was trying to breath steadily. But then, my eyes wandered around, making me take in every little or big tree sitting in the soil, in this park, for ages now. And I found myself thinking, one thought led to another leaving me at the end to ask myself : "Why am I really sad today? What actually happened that made me irritated that way?"
Surprisingly, I found no answer to my questions, which made me feel guilty. At that moment, the little girl passed by and smiled genuinely at me, as if she knew me and I will make her wishes come true. I smiled back automatically, feeling my peace resisting in the cell that my evil side locked her in.
SubhanaAllah ( Glory be to God) I then recaptured my day from the whole start, and the little list I just made previously, is what I came up with.
And I smiled again.
Allah did not leave me alone! Allah helped me through the day. He gave me hope, beauty and happiness. But I was so engrossed in my stubbornness that I decided that the whole day was bad, unworthy living, and frustrating.
I kept on focusing on my breathes, as I thanked Allah over and over again.
I felt stupid, God was here all the time, He never actually left my side. It was He who sent those people in my way, to make me loosen up and feel better, it was all a part of His plan, and here I was complaining?
I shook my head at my ignorance, while driving back home. Nothing is worth my sadness! All other doors are opened for me, but I was blindfolded that I missed all the good things that happened through the day.
Alhmadullilah(praises to God)
In shaa Allah (in God's will) from now on I will try to keep my mind focused on the happy side, because even if it was a little thing, it would definitely make a change!
***the quote card***
"Having a rough day? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That's called purpose. You're alive for a reason. Don't give up."
***the picture***
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
