Shock

-26-

"She's dead."
The voice speaking those words was hoarse. Low and raspy. Not mine.
"Charlie..."
I looked at Nathan. His eyes were big and round and the color of the sky.
The look on his face was one I knew.
One I couldn't handle right now .
It was pity.
I whipped my head forward again, away from the stormy eyes with pity in them.
"Leave me alone." I said.
"But-"
"Go!"
In my peripheral vision, I could see him nod and get up.
My eyes drifted over Paisleys body.
This was the kid I'd grown up with.
The best friend I'd had sleepovers with.
The girl who'd abandoned me to become popular.
The survivor of disaster, who had become a great friend once again.
But all that was left of her now was an empty shell.
A lifeless body wearing a cocktail dress and my old sneakers that I sat next to until I felt a hand touch my shoulder.
"It's uh... It's going to start raining soon."
I didn't look at him.
But as I tore my eyes away from Paisley, I noticed he was right.
The sky had visibly darkened. Clouds were closing in overhead, threatening to burst at any given moment.
I rose and, brushing his hand off me, walked away.

The rhythm of the raindrops sounded like the music behind a documentary on a war with only one casualty.
No one spoke a word, and so the song went on uninterrupted.
After a while, the rain got louder. We stayed put under the hard plastic roof of a small bus stop at the edge of the road.
I could hear the ambulances wailing in the distance and the whispers of the wind, but I focussed on the sound of the rain, and as the storm raged on it drowned out all other sounds, painting the world in bitter chaos.
What had happened to Paisley had spooked us all, so we didn't leave our shelter until the rain stopped.
Even then, the kids were too scared to go out onto the street.
I, on the other hand, had become claustrophobic in the hour and a half we'd spent in the place.
The shed spanned an area of about one and a half square meters, in which two teenagers and two restless children had to be crammed. It was damp, cold, and I'd spent the entire ninety minutes seated on the floor hugging my knees.
When the rain finally stopped, I practically jumped to my feet.
Where there were cracks and holes in the street, puddles had formed, but the straight parts were just slightly damp.
"Where are you going?" Nathan asked.
This wasn't the first time he'd attempted to talk to me since we'd taken shelter at the bus stop. Like the other times, I ignored him.
I zigzagged across the street until I reached my destination.
There, I sat down next to Paisley's body.
I could hear Nathan's footsteps as he came after me, but as he noticed where I'd gone, he retreated. He probably wanted to give me some privacy.
The clouds were starting to part, making room for the sun to dry the streets.
I felt the light on my face as I looked at Paisley and thought about how much she used to love sunbathing.
She had always been really pale, but now she looked almost translucent.
I felt tears rolling over my barely dried cheeks again and took a deep, shaky breath.
Salt tinged my tastebuds.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
I almost expected her to respond.
To jump up and yell, gotcha!
But she didn't. She just lay there, about as vivid as a rag doll.
I sniffled. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you."
I sat next to her for minutes, then hours.
As quickly as the sun had appeared, it vanished again, replaced by the moon.
Even though I could hardly see her anymore, I kept my eyes fixed on Paisley. The stars offered just enough light to make out a vague silhouette.
"She was your best friend, wasn't she?"
My head shot up, startled by the voice.
"She told me you guys were close..."
I looked back down at Paisley, not responding to Nathan.
I didn't care what she'd told him. I didn't want to think about how close we used to be.
My cheeks were finally dry and I wondered if I was even capable of crying still.
"...before the accident." Nathan continued.
I tried to keep my composure, but I couldn't hide my cracked voice.
"What did she tell you?"
My heart rate sped up as he started talking.
"When you were in year six, you were in a car crash. The car got rammed by a drunk driver... After that, your brother-"
I balled my fists.
"Don't talk about Greg."
"But I just don't get-"
"Don't."
"I get that he was the reason you were on the road that night, but he couldn't know the accident would happen."
My nails dug into my palms and I turned my torso to face Nathan.
"Well, if you like him so much, why don't you go hang out with him then? I'd tell you which direction to go, but I have no freaking clue myself! You know why? Because he skipped town as soon as things got hard. He left a freaking eleven year old and her two infant brothers with some distant relative while her parents were in a coma."
My voice got low, and I had to swallow the lump in my throat.
"He never even looked back. He just left."
"I... I had no idea."
"Of course you didn't. Nobody did. Not even Paisl-"
I turned my head back to look at Paisley.
"Oh, God... She had no idea."
"Charlie... It's okay."
"No it's not!" I burst out.
"Why do people always say that? Nathan there's been an earthquake. My family is missing, my best friend is dead! Does that sound okay to you?"
"I didn't mean-"
"Just go away."
He sighed, and slowly but surely, I could hear his footsteps receding.