Living Life

My Story, Part 1

My life growing up wasn't bad.  Still isn't. Compared to others you may say my childhood was perfect. I'm spoiled to an extent, in a house full of memories, surrounded by a large family that loves me. It's so easy to grow up and think a happy home is all that is needed to create a happy life.

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Growing up I didn't know I had no friends. Correction, I didn't know that for someone like myself it would be difficult to create friends. (To understand what I meant when I said "someone like myself" you will have to stick around on this storybook journey of my life to really find out who I am. ) Certain things your realize once you look back on them as an adult.  Such as hidden meanings and messages on children shows or even why your life was the way it was.

I was always out, active, doing something and now that I'm 20 I realize that it was because I had no friends that I was always busy. I thought it was the other way around. That my busy schedule prevented me from forming friendships, but that wasn't it.

My mom put me into dance, swimming, gymnastics, horseback riding, snowboarding, and taekwondo. You name it I've done it or at least tried to, because I HAD NO FRIENDS. Instead of letting her daughter realize that she was alone in the world beyond her house she kept my brain busy. It worked for quite some time until it couldn't anymore.

Until about 7th grade when I questioned what " hanging out" was. My mom told me it's when a group of kids hung out on a street and were loud, something I was to respectful to do. That idea didn't interest me so I didn't question it. Until I discovered that nobody was hanging out in the street. They were going to the park, the movies, the pool. They were going, not we were going. I was not included.

Do you know what its like for your mom to sit you down and tell you your different before you even had a chance to prove it to her? I mean moms know best, but do you know how HARD you question your sanity when your mom can pick it out before you've even proven it?

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Took me 18 years to find 3 girls I can honestly call my best friends. I have no "friends" , only acquaintances. Why? Because in a world were someone you call your best-friend walks out of your life as easily as they come in what significance does the term " friend" have? Through my 20 years on this planet I've called 9 people my best friends and to this day only 3 remain.

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I've known one of my best-friends since kindergarten and we hated each other. Had you told me if we would  be friends I would have laughed in your face , told you you were crazy, and to leave me the hell alone. WE were the most uncommon pair and by the time six grade came we put our differences aside and have been friends ever since. ( Our frenemy story is one for another day.)

My other two best friends I've known for four years as of now and I couldn't see my life without them. Shit I don't know how I've survived without them in the past.

 Through years of loneliness, bulling, self harm, tears, and school transfers, do you want to know what I learned?  

Friendship in NOT determined by whose been with you the longest.It's about who came, and never left your side.