Living Life

I tried

My hands are shaking to much to write and I can't promise I'll be alright. Instead I'll post this just in case.

I remember when you changed. I remember because my gut was telling me something was wrong. I remember because our conversations changed, you became cruel and cold. You started to ignore me instead of listen. You left me alone in the dark. I couldnt find my way out. I called for you and waited and waited for you, but you werent there. Then finally days later you came, when you wanted my attention,  wanted something from me, when it was ideal for you. You never told me why you left me in the dark. What I did to deserve it.....everytime I thought I could see a little hint of light, it vanished. I felt sick, my body was cold. I couldnt breathe. Then you came back...I was happy. I let you come back because I was in love, you were my everything. I tried and tried but it was never enough. You broke me, you took everything in me and ripped it out. You spit on my soul and my heart. I believed your bullshit, your half truths, your love. I deserved an angel, but I was dancing with the devil in a beautiful mask. I didnt care. I loved him, no I loved the mask. You fucking destroyed me...because you were selfish, you gave nothing but always wanted more more more. Whatevere you could take you did. And I let you because I loved you. Hoping one day you'd wake up and realize how much I did for you, for us. The efforts I made. The smile I forced my self the have every day. The tears I held back just to be okay. One day I laid there.....it was dark, my body shook....I lost my breath. I tried and tried to gasp for air, butI couldnt. I woke up. I had no more left in me. My eyes went dry. I missed you, I still miss you. But i dont want you. I cant be broken anymore...you took any chance of happiness I had. Because of you I wont ever open up to another person. I will never dance with the devil in a beautiful mask again.