If Only The Stars Aligned {Phan}

From Finner

"Why do you have glow in the dark stars on your ceiling?" Phil asked, pointing to the plastic shapes covering the ceiling of Dan's room.

Dan shrugged, closing the door behind himself as he walked into the room. "They're calming."

Phil sat on the end of Dan's bed, looking around at everything as if he'd never seen a bedroom before and had to remember the sight for all eternity. Dan sat down next to his mound of pillows and leaned back on them, silently observing Phil. Phil looked over at Dan and smiled, scooted over to sit next to him. He tucked his knees into his chest.

"You have a nice room." Phil said, smiling.

"Thanks." Dan said, smiling lightly.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong now?" Phil asked.

Dan sighed, sitting up straight. "I guess I should, huh? Alright well, just promise me you won't judge me."

"Hey, or course I won't judge you." Phil said, pulling his legs down in front of him and turning to face Dan.

Dan took a deep breath, hanging his head. "It's just that, I don't know. I feel useless. Like, I try to feel happy but I don't. I keep everyone in the dark, even Pj. I want to die most days, I always feel really anxious and I hate going places alone. I hold everyone around me back and I try to keep them out. Ignorance is your new best friend, you know?"

Phil stared at Dan, as if contemplating what to say. He wasn't expecting Dan to be that open with him. They hardly even knew each other after all. But still, it felt like they had known each other forever.

"It's all a game Phil." Dan said, looking up with tears running down his cheeks, breaking the older boys heart. "It's all just a game of duality."

Phil couldn't take it anymore. He pulled Dan forward, burying his face in the younger boys hair. Dan instinctively wrapped his arms around Phil's waist and pressed his face into his chest. Phil could feel the wretched breathing coming from Dan, only making him want to hold him tighter.

"Dan," Phil said, pulling away from the younger boy and looking down at him. "Dan, you're not aware of how wrong you are because you're not solid as a rock. You're like water which always finds a way to keep moving. You want to be on your own but your true friends are here to help you fight against those demons. Please, just let me help you."

"Phil." Dan sobbed, collapsing into Phil's arms, the older boy bringing him as close as he could manage. Dans body shook as he sobbed. Phil pulled him onto his lap, softly stroking his hair until he calmed down.

"Phil." Dan said quietly. Phil hummed in response as the younger looked up at him through glazed eyes. "Thank you." Dan whispered so quietly it was like he just mouthed the words.

"You're welcome." Phil said gently, kissing Dan on the forehead, causing him to giggle slightly.

The two sat in silence for a few minuets, Dan curled up on Phil's lap and Phil softly stroking his hair. Dan had started to hum a tune and Phil looked down at him, curious as to what he was humming.

"What song is that?" Phil questioned, causing Dan to look up at him.

"Oh, uh," Dan's cheeks turned slightly pink. "It's uh, called From Finner. It's a really good song. You should listen to it some time."

"Could you sing it for me?" Phil asked, still lightly stroking Dan's hair.

"Uh, sure, I uh, I guess." Dan stuttered. "Um uh, okay. Um."

"Whenever you feel most comfortable Dan." Phil smiled, lightly kissing the boys forehead.

Dan smiled and started to lightly hum before picking up the tune and singing the words lightly.

"We came here on his back and we caught your eye. The salty ocean wind made the seagulls cry. The rocking of his house had me holding on. But I knew that I was safe from there on out."

"That is a very beautiful song. You were right."

Dan smiled up at his friend before looking down at his lap and for the first time realizing where he was sitting. "Oh gosh I'm sorry Phil I must be hurting you!" Dan said, pushing himself off of Phil's lap.

"No, no you're okay. You're not actually that heavy." Phil said, lightly chuckling at Dan's expression.

"Dan!" Dan's little brother, Tyler, announced as he pushed open the door to Dan's room. "Don't kill me, but..."

"Tyler what did you do?" Dan asked forcefully.

"I kind of sort of broke your piano." Tyler said, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"Tyler you little shit!" Dan shouted, jumping up of his bed. "What the hell did you do?!"

"I don't know! It kind of just, stopped working!" Tyler said, holding his hands up in surrender.

Dan groaned loudly, shoving Tyler out of the way as he stormed out the door, Phil following close behind him.