retrograde.

;prologue

chapter zero: is this starkness of the dawn?

2 0 1 4 ~ A F T E R

        The night was calm, and the air was silent to others not in my situation. I couldn't hear the sound of my heart hammering in my chest. I couldn't hear the sound of my throat straining, letting out loud, desperate cries for help, trying to get the attention of no one in particular. But I could hear the loud, echoing ringing in my ears. Restrained by the nylon belt that prevented me from hitting my head on the steering wheel, I was suspended upside down. The blood rushing to my head, as well as leaving from the side of it, and my nose. I didn't have the thought process at the moment to take off the seatbelt so I could try to escape from the wreckage.

I couldn't determine my surroundings, and there was no source of light anywhere. The last thing I remember was losing control of the vehicle and sliding off the asphalt road, flipping numerous times before smashing into a tree and stopping altogether. I turned my head to my right, hoping to see the passenger, but since it was so dark, I couldn't see a thing.

"Riding with seatbelts are for squares, Casper." The fatal words replayed in my mind like a song on repeat.

Everything happened so fast. Things were fine and then suddenly, in less than five minutes, my life was severely altered. And not in a good way.

The ringing in my ears drowned out everything; I couldn't hear at all. My throat strained more and more and more. And I could hear none of it. Crimson tears spilled from my nose and down onto my ivory shirt, staining it. More of it from a different wound slid down on the side of my face and into my eyes, clouding the vision that I couldn't see, most likely creating the art of red and salt that was assisted with the humid air around me, making it extremely hot and unbearable to endure.

My hands shook violently, almost so much that I couldn't move them. Carefully, ever so slowly, they reached down to the latch where the seatbelt met the hook. I pressed down on the red button, the nylon belt shooting up fast, freeing me from my trap. I fell down to the hood of the car, miraculously angling myself so that my shoulder took most of the fall. My screams were silenced for a moment as my body fought with itself to either render me unconscious or keep me awake from the impact. My head was woozy, and I didn't feel in control. My body felt like it was on autopilot. I then rolled onto my side, laying on the hood, pulling my legs into my chest. My lids began to get heavy, like the unconscious decision was winning this fight. And I didn't care. I didn't fight it.

I debated checking on the person next to me, but I had absolutely no strength in me to even move a muscle. I don't know if I'm dying or if I'm just going to faint. If I faint, good. If I die, fine by me. Just as long as I don't have to continue another second of this feeling. My heart ached, with each hard pound into my chest. Breathing was almost impossible, air quickly going in and out of my lungs before I could even register it.

This must be what dying feels like.

The night was calm, and the air was silent to others who were not in my situation. I couldn't hear the sound of my heart hammering in my chest. I couldn't hear the sound of my throat straining, letting out loud, desperate cries for help, trying to get the attention of no one in particular. The only thing that could be heard besides the ringing in my ears, were the sirens that were nearing.