retrograde.

;twenty

twenty: widen your view and tune on into the frequency.

trigger warning; drug use

When I got home, I immediately went upstairs to my room and locked the door. I don't bother greeting my parents or Caden, even though they saw me come in. It was four in afternoon, and the party didn't start until eight; which meant I had four hours to figure out how I was going to leave the house without being seen.

"Cas?" I heard Caden's voice from the other side of the door.

I don't respond, instead, I rummage through my closet to find something to wear for the party.

"Cas, I know you're in there." He continued.

I grabbed a pair of ripped jeans, a white shirt, a red bandana, sneakers, and a flannel. As Caden persisted, I get changed into my outfit for the night. By the time I'm pulling my jeans on, Caden bangs on the door loudly.

"Yo, Cas!" He shouted. "Just open the door, I want to talk to you."

I debated on whether or not I wanted to talk to him, because it could go one of two ways — he'll yell at me for going to the party despite his wishes, or he'll be rational about it — which in all honesty, is a rarity, given his inability to control his temper.

"Funny," I responded sarcastically. "Because I don't want to talk to you."

He sighed from the other end, and tried the door knob once more. "Please, Casper. I just want to talk to you."

His desperation grows so annoying that I just open the door so he'd stop talking. He takes into account that I've changed clothes, and he pieces together that I'm going to be heading out soon. He pushed me to the side and welcomed himself into my room.

"Tell me you're not going to the party." He stated, as if any other answer would be unacceptable for him. "Tell me."

I bit down on my lower lip, avoiding having to answer the question. Caden sighed at this. He didn't have to say anything for me to know that he was beating himself up over this, you could just see it on his face. Caden's always prided himself on being able to conceal his emotions, and for the most part, he was right. But when it came down to me, he failed. Not even after the incident, and before too. Even as kids. When we were in school, he was so protective over me it was almost ridiculous. If I was ever the target of someone's disdain, Caden welcomed himself into the equation and made sure I came out unscathed; that I never had a problem out of that person again. I guess it was the older brother complex he had going on.

"If you're going, I'm telling mom and dad." He said.

I had frowned at him, completely upset that he was willing to go as far as to tell on me because I wanted to have fun for a little while. "You're being a giant dick right now, Cade. Like, completely."

He only glared at me. "I'm being a dick because I'm watching out for you?"

I gave him an incredulous look, which is then followed by a nod. He merely shook his head at me.

"I can't believe this." He said, mostly to himself. "I really can't."

"It's. Just. A. Party." I tell him through gritted teeth.

"And you're a xanax addict!" He shouts so loud, I have no doubt that our parents heard him.

I stay silent for what feels like forever, just staring at him, not sure of what to say. Usually he would backtrack so quickly that I wouldn't have time to process what he had said, but he doesn't this time. He just stared at me, letting his words settle. He said — he promised he wouldn't use what happened against me. Everyone did. But all because of some stupid pharming party, everything has just gone directly to hell.