retrograde.

;twenty three

chapter twenty three: i've got a lover,
a love like religion.

trigger warning; extensive talk of bullying, drug use, self-harm, and attempted suicide.
READ AT OWN RISK.

          On a random Saturday night, a week into my punishment, I texted Violet and told her that I was coming over. If I was quiet enough, I could slip out of my window without earning the attention of my family.

I locked my door, and played Pandora in the background to make it seem like I was home. When everything was settled, I opened the window next to my bed and climbed out. I grabbed one of the pipes, and carefully climbed down to the ground.

The walk from my house to Violet's was about a fifteen minute trip, which was the only downside when it came to our little rendezvouses.

She let me in through the back door, and she led me to her bedroom. When I enter, I saw that the light above her bed was off, and instead the lamp on her nightstand took its place, leaving the room with a dim setting, which is only improved with a song she was playing on her dock that I didn't recognize.

Violet stood on her tiptoes to kiss me. "Feels like I haven't seen you in forever. Are you that grounded?"

I rest my forehead against hers, taking in the moment. Now that I was basically a prisoner on Alcatraz, I wanted to take advantage of the time that I had away. As weird as it sounds, for once, I actually enjoy being at school. Not for the academics, but because I got to see my friends. I got to be around people. I got to actually feel like I'm not lonely, something I didn't feel when I was holed up in my room, snorting painkillers as a way to cope.

It was a complete three sixty compared to what I felt last year; when I felt like I was an outsider — like I didn't belong. And yeah, I had my friends, but at the end of the day, when your own worst enemy lives inside your head, there's not much you can do to erase those thoughts.

"You don't even know the half of it." I said softly.

Violet pushed me down on the bed, and straddled me. "I guess we should make up for lost times." She mused before pressing her lips to mine again.

Our lips moved against each other as my hands remained at her waist before they find themselves slipping underneath the fabric of her oversized shirt. I graze my hands gently over her skin as her hips rocked slowly against me before I quickly lost interest.

I pulled away, feeling completely confused at what had just happened. Violet noticed this and frowned. "You feeling okay?"

I bite down on my lower lip, my eyes trained on the words of her shirt. 'VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR', it said, donning a picture of a television with SMPTE color bars. "I guess I'm not in the mood. I don't know."

Violet moved off of me so that instead she was sitting next to me. "That's fine, we can just talk." She crawled up to the bed to the headboard, and I remove my shoes so I can settle at the foot of the bed.

I sniffled. "About what?"

She shrugged. "Tell me how your day went."

I snorted. "I've been away from civilization for so long that my brain is slowly morphing into a caveman's."

She laughed at my joke, but her expression turned serious soon after, and I prepare myself for whatever question she's going to throw my way. "Are you feeling okay from the other night, you know, with the... stuff."