retrograde.

;twenty one

twenty one: i don't wanna cool off, so let's cross the lines we lost, right now i wanna see it all.

trigger warning; sex scene (will mark w/ a '💟' where it starts and finishes) and mention of drugs

I hadn't realized how late it had gotten until me and Violet snuck through the back door of her house. The lights were out, which meant her parents were asleep. But also meant we had to pretend we had night vision if we didn't want to get caught by them.

However, she guided me swiftly and quietly to her bedroom without bumping into one piece of furniture. She locked the door behind us and turned her light on.

"I didn't see you much at the party, where were you?" She asked as she removed her jacket and tossed it somewhere off to the side.

I sat down on her bed, and ran my hands over my face. The xanax was mostly gone, but the coke was in full swing. "Went upstairs with Eli and took a xanax."

She walked over to me and stood between my legs, she then lifted my head up and kissed me softly. My hands settled on her hips, gripping the thin fabric of her skirt.

She moved her legs on either side of my own so that she is now straddling me. Her kiss moves from my lips to the side of my neck as she plays with the hem of my shirt. "I missed you." she whispered against my skin.

"I missed you more." I responded.

💟

My heart was pounding in my chest from both the drugs and the effect Violet had on me. She pulled away and removed her shirt, leaving me with a more than nice view of her bra. It was black lace and nearly sheer. I ran my fingers over the fabric, and attempt to count how many threads it took to make this goddamn thing. She didn't seem creeped out at what I'm doing, instead she just laughs at me and my weird actions.

"You sure?" She asked.

Even in my semi-impaired state, I knew this was what I wanted. "Absolutely."

She reconnected our lips, and I reached behind her back to unhook her bra. When it was undone, she shrugged it off and tosses it off the side.

I tried my best not to stare too hard, but I ultimately fail. "Holy shit - your nipples are pierced." I commented, which I immediately regretted because I probably sounded lame.

She jokingly frowned at me, and stood up to remove her skirt. "Yeah. They are."

Before I could make another stupid comment, she pulled my shirt over my head and threw it in the growing pile of clothes. I reach into the pocket of my jeans and pull out my wallet and retrieved the condom I stashed away.

"Do you even know how this works?" She teases.

"Yes." I stated quickly, fidgeting with the packet in my hand. "I still have the brochure my doctor gave to me at my last physical." I watched her as she continued to strip, the last article to go being her underwear. "I memorized the whole thing. Put in, take out, repeat if necessary."

She rolled her eyes, but smiled at my attempts at lighting the mood, though at this point it's probably just the drugs talking.

She straddled me again, but this time she pushed me down on the bed so that she was on top, or at least temporarily, because I flipped us over so the roles were reversed. Before she could protest, my lips found hers again. This continued until the only thing remaining was my boxers.

I pulled them down and kicked them somewhere off the bed, only moving away to put the condom on.

"I love you." She said while tore the packet open. It was a faint whisper, but I heard it as if she had screamed it at the top of her lungs. It's a confession of fear and uncertainty, like she was bracing herself for either bitter rejection or genuine return.