Dark (A Louis Tomlinson story.)

Chapter 54- Lost and Scared

Amanda's POV

I stared at Louis silently. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I should forgive him if or I should forget about him. Louis was staring back at me, biting his lower lip as his eyes were wide and slightly glossy as they were filled with tears he wouldn't let fall down. Just seeing him like this made me upset because somewhere inside of me I still cared a lot about him, I still loved him, I wanted him to be happy but the thought of what he did and the thought of what was happening to me seemed to blind me and not allow me to realize the things I still felt for him, the things I wanted for him, for us. I thought for a moment, before I leaned my head back against the wall staring up at the ceiling as I shut my eyes tightly, a single tear rolling down my cheek. Almost instantly Louis wiped away the tear with the pad of his thumb but I still didn't look at him. I could feel the frown tugging at my lips as they curved downwards. I kept my eyes shut tightly as I refused to let anymore tears fall down my cheeks, I didn't want to look weak, I wasn't weak, I was a strong girl who had no need to cry.

"Amanda." Louis said quietly, I almost couldn't hear him. I looked back down at him and he was still staring up at me.

"I'll think about it Louis, I'm not sure if I want you to be part of my life anymore. I'll let you know as soon as I know what I want to do." I said.

"That's all I can ask for." Louis said, a slight smile spread across his face but it almost instantly disappeared. "I love you." He whispered into the almost silent air.

I simply nodded, I wanted to say 'I love you too', you don't know how much I wanted to say those four words. I wanted to let those words flow out of my mouth like the lyrics that used to flow out of Louis' mouth as he sang to me when I was sad. It was like those words were people trapped in a burning house, but I didn't open the door, I didn't open my mouth, I kept them trapped, I let them burn until they meant nothing, until they were nothing. I wanted to say those four words but I didn't because I didn't know if they were true anymore.

I walked past him and I almost turned around to kiss him again because it might be the last time I felt his lips on mine. That kiss I didn't let happen might have been the last time I felt wanted, I felt needed. The last time I felt happy and the last time I held my world in my arms. I didn't kiss him though, I just exited the coffee shop without saying another word, what else was there to say?

I walked down the sidewalk with my head down, my focus on the sidewalk. By now it had stopped raining and it was snowing, the snow sticking to the clothes I wore. I hugged the jacket I wore closer to my body as a chill ran down my spine. I looked back up as I was about to walk into somebody. I mumbled a sorry as I walked around them and continued down the sidewalk. I pulled my hair in front of my shoulders so it cascaded down both sides of my head. I fixed the navy blue beanie that sat on top of my curls. As I was walking down the sidewalk the park entrance caught my eyes and I instantly crossed the street, entering the park. As I walked down the path through the snow I realized how empty the park was. Usually the park was full of people but today nobody was at the park which I thought was rather strange.

I walked to the first bench I saw so I could sit down. I wiped the snow off the seat with my hand before I sat down. I held my hands together, bringing them up to my lips before I blew on them to warm them up a bit. My mind started to wander off as I sat there alone in the middle of the park. I still had no clue how I was supposed to take care of a child. Harry and Niall could help but I didn't want to make them help me, it wasn't their child, they shouldn't have to take care of it. I didn't want to put it up for adoption, but I didn't want to get an abortion either so I figured I would keep the child which would be hard for me to do. I figured I should start trying to find a job so I can have at least a little bit of money saved up. Even if everything somehow turned out okay what was I supposed to do with Louis? I didn't want to forget about him but at the moment that seemed to me like the thing to do, the thing that was going to happen. I suddenly felt warm tears start rolling down my cheeks. I had cried too much today, I wanted to be happy at least once today. I stood up as I wiped the tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand. I began humming the beginning of My Favorite Things. My brother used to sing that song to me all the time when I was upset.

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens." I began as I walked down the path. My voice was a bit raspy from crying. "Brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things. Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels. Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles." I sang as I walked around a tree with my hand wrapped around it. "Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings, these are a few of my favorite things." I sang as I let go of the tree and looked up at the sky, letting the snow fall down on my face. "Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes. Silver white winters that melt into springs, these are a few of my favorite things." I spun around as I sang. "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad." My voice dropped slightly as I sang. "I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so ba-" I stopped singing when I suddenly burst into tears.

I collapsed to the ground in a heap as I covered my face with my hands, crying into my palms. My tears rolled down my freezing face, warming it for second until they became cold again. I tried to stop crying a few times but every time I tried to stop I would just end up crying harder. I was soon crying so hard I began gasping for air but I didn't care, I didn't care about anything anymore. I was confused, I was upset, I was lost, but I was mainly scared. I was still a kid, kids weren't supposed to make decisions like this. Kids were supposed to enjoy life, make mistakes that truly didn't do much, fall in love, they weren't supposed to have their life crumble to pieces right before them knowing they could do nothing to stop it, nothing to keep it from falling apart. I was forced to sit back and watch as my life caved in and there wasn't a single thing I could do about it, I just watched my life as it slowly got stomped into the ground and ruined.

I felt a hand pressed against my shoulder when a voice said, "shh, it's okay, don't cry."

I continued crying as the person knelt down beside me. They rubbed my shoulder trying to comfort me but it truly didn't stop my crying. I didn't know who it was that was next to me but it didn't matter to me, whoever it was just seemed like they were trying to get me to stop crying. They hummed quietly as they stopped rubbing my shoulder and began rubbing my back. I used my finger tips to wipe away the tears as I finally stopped crying. I sniffled a few times before I turned my head to see a man with hazel eyes looking down at me. As soon as he saw me look up at him he grinned at me exposing small dimples in his cheeks.

"Why were you crying?" He asked me as he helped me off the ground.

"Uhm, it's sort of a long story I don't really want to explain right now." I mumbled a reply.

"Oh, you must be wondering who I am, I should have introduced myself before, sorry. My name's Spencer, Spencer Price." He said holding out his hand for me to shake.

"I'm Amanda." I said quielty, taking his hand and shaking it slightly before I dropped my hand back to my side.

"You look really cold, let me take you home and you can warm up a bit. I know it sounds creepy, but I swear I'm not creepy." He said.

"I uh, uhm, no thank you." I said.

"Come on, my house is like two blocks over, you're going to freeze if you stay out here any longer." He said.

"I don't know you, I only know your name." I said, biting my lower lip lightly.

"I know, so come on and we can get to know each other a little better while you warm up." He mumbled.

"No thank you." I said becoming slightly nervous now. I took a few steps backwards and he just stepped closer to me.

"Come on, just let me bring you to my house so you can warm up." He said through clenched teeth as he grabbed my wrist tightly.

"Let go of me!" I yelled trying to pull my wrist away. He was too strong for me though and the park was empty.

I was starting to panic when a voice suddenly yelled from a few feet away, "get your fucking dirty hands off of her or I will smash your face in."

"I'd like to see you try." The man challenged.

"I will fucking kill you if you don't let go of her." Louis growled at the man.

The man just chuckled but as soon as he saw Louis roll up his sleeves revealing his muscles and he began walking towards us his eyes widened, he must have realized Louis was serious.

"Alright, alright, have your fucking girl friend back, I don't want her anyways." The man said pushing me towards Louis.

Louis grabbed me before I fell and he watched the man leave, glaring at him the whole time. As soon as the man was out of sight Louis looked down at me. He wrapped his arms around me in a hug and I hesitantly hugged him back, burying my face in his chest. He rubbed my back softly, tracing small circles into my lower back before he pulled away and looked back down at me.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you? Did he do anything to you? Did he-" Louis asked worriedly but I cut him off with a kiss.

Louis seemed to be shocked at first but he quickly melted into the kiss. He wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me close to him as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I'm fine." I said as soon as I pulled away. It was quiet for a moment before I finally said, "I love you too."

"What?" He asked confusedly.

"You told me you loved me earlier but I didn't say anything so I'm saying something now." I replied and he just smiled at me. It felt good to finally let those words out of my mouth.

"So, does that mean I can stay with you and we can raise this baby together?" He asked.

I nodded, "yeah, I guess it does."

Louis smiled at me, it was probably the biggest and happiest smile I have ever seen. "I'm going to be a father." He mumbled. His face suddenly lit up and he yelled happily, "I'm going to be a father!" He picked me up and spun me around, peppering my lips and my cheeks with kisses as I giggled. He finally set me down and smiled at me, "I am going to be a father." He sighed contently.


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Hey guys, in hope you like the chapter. I realize I said I wouldn't be updating for a few days but I wanted to update on Lou's birthday so I did. My fingers better but it still hurts so it wasn't too bad writing this chapter. I also wanted to write this chapter because so many of you were saying so many nice things on my authors note I didn't want to keep you guys waiting. I love you all and stay beautiful xx