The Anatomy of a Broken Heart //Completed//

11. Santana

I went back to class after I recovered from my temporary disembowelment. My throat burned and my face hurt from the bruise around my eye, but still, I went to class. Maria's warning hadn't been in vain. Principle Emmanuel pulled me out of third period Calculus to 'have a word.'

Sitting in his office, I could feel the disappointment in the atmosphere as he looked me up and down, his eyes lingering on my ripped tights. It wasn't a pervy linger, but more like those looks saved especially for accidents and car wrecks. That's what I was to these people: a complete wreck.

"Miss Valencia," he said, finally looking up. "I realize how difficult it must be to get your head out of your dope induced hallucinations, but I recommend you take a page out of your younger sister's very well organized book and try to make it to class more often."

I blanched, my jaw falling open. There wasn't anything more disturbing than an adult calling you out on your shit, but it was difficult not to laugh at this fifty year old sweater vest wearing geezer telling me to get my act together in the way he did. Still, I knew he was right. I wouldn't admit it though.

"Oh, you think this is funny? What if I told you that you're going to repeat the twelfth grade if you don't stop missing class? Is that funny?"

"Repeat? The year literally just started!"

He pulled out a fat green folder from beneath a white binder on top of his desk, obvious ammunition, and opened it, ruffling through the pages. "In the past three years, you have committed truancy over thirty seven times. The state demands that we take legal action against you and your father after a certain amount, but seeing as your situation is...difficult, I've sent a letter home."

"Yeah, we got it." Thirty seven didn't seem that many for three years of torture. Of course there were also the times I faked being sick and had my dad write me a note, and sneak off while he was at work to be with Jasper; and the times I was actually sick and went to the doctor, only to later go to Jasper's place.

"Good. Then you've been warned. If you have any more unexcused absences, we'll be forced to place you in our after school program. If you miss any of those days, we'll take you to court and flunk you. Got it?"

I stared at the reflection of the light on his perfectly bald head and the way it moved over the bumpy contours of his skull as he spoke. His graying mustache twitched back and forth. When I didn't answer, he sighed and told me to go back to class.

"Miss Valencia." I stopped at the door, my back to him. "This is for your own benefit, remember."

At least he didn't have anything to worry about anymore. The only reason I skipped was because of Jasper. If it wasn't for Maria, I'd probably have dropped out entirely already. On my way back to Calculus, I stopped by the vending machine to check the coin dispenser and found a quarter. I also found two juniors tongue deep in each other's faces and ducked behind the other side of the machine before they saw me.

"I gotta get to class," I heard the boy say.
"Okay, baby. I love you so much."

"No, I love you so much." More squelching noises and then, retreating footsteps. Ugh, gross. Don't worry kids, I thought bitterly. By the end of the year you'll forget you were even together. That's how these high school romances went. That's why I liked being with Jasper. It wasn't about the physical or about who loved each other the most, but rather the fact that we had found each other at all. We'd spend nights together, not touching, just being there, together in one same space and that would be enough.

He was a drug, and I'd overdosed. Now, I couldn't get him out of my system.

That's when I started to cry. I never cried. Not when mom left, not whengran died, not even when Jasper and I would fight. But today, in the spacebetween a vending machine and the wall, a quarter in my hand, I cried my eyesout. Mascara dripped into my eyes, stinging, but still I cried. It was as if someone had broken a dam and let the water flow out.

The bell rang and I jumped to my feet and almost ran to the restroom. Unfortunately, I bumped into something solid, as I was temporarily blinded, and almost dropped to the floor. "Are you okay?" I knew that voice. Through the black gunk in my eyes, I could see Ansel with a look of honest concern on his bruised face.

"Fine." My hand wiped at my eyes, but it only hurt my own bruise and I flinched. His eyes widened when I pulled my hand away and I knew I'd taken too much makeup off. The restroom was only three steps away, so I sidestepped Ansel and ran straight inside. In the mirror, my face looked like a drowned clown's. Carefully, I washed away all the makeup and reapplied it to hide the bruise that had turned purple and yellow as it began to fade. My head was pounding, so I searched in my bag for some Tylenol, but instead, I found a little plastic pouch full of bright white powder. I stared at it in my hand, contemplating whether or not to take it, just for today. Mr. Emmanuel had made me seem like an addict, but I only used when I was with Jasper. When dad got sick and mom left and I told Jasper about everything, he didn't say anything. He didn't offer any cheap words of pity. Instead, he took out a little pouch much like this one and rolled up a dollar bill and handed it to me. It was my first time and I was terrified. Afterwards though, I felt like I could conquer the world and whatever was back home, was so far away and tiny that it didn't matter at all.

Just as I was about to shake the powder out onto the counter, someone came walking into the restroom, her shoes clickety-clacking on the floor. I stuffed the little pouch into my pocket right as Ginger Spice waltz straight into a stall, not bothering to look my way. A vision of her and Caleb arguing outside of the gallery came back to me and I almost laughed. Here she was, strutting around while I could barely stand up straight with the weight of my fears. Jasper was the last good thing I had and he had taken everything away. Left me bereft and nothing would replace the feeling of being with him. I dipped into a stall and pulled out the little pouch from my pocket again, inhaling deeply as I remembered Jasper's last words to me and hearing them transform into something sweeter.