The Anatomy of a Broken Heart //Completed//

77. Santana

"What's this I hear that you haven't been going to school?" Dad walked into my room without knocking, a rarity for his polite nature. He wore a stiff frown and the lines on his forehead deepened as he glared at me.

"Who told you that?"

"I just got off the phone with your principle Emmanuel." That sniveling son of a bitch,

"Why should I go back? I'm leaving in a week." I lay across my bed, staring at the book in my hands but not registering anything I read.

"Leaving?"

"Going southside remember? If you paid any attention once in a while..." I trailed off and set the book down.

Dad nodded. "Yes, I'm aware."

I rolled my eyes. It was involuntary. I knew I was being unfair as I did it, but I couldn't help being angry.

"I know about the move. I know more than you give me credit for," he said and his face softened as he smiled warmly.

I didn't return the smile. "Why didn't you do anything about it then? Why didn't you vote against it?" I asked and sat up on the bed. The book shut on the page I was reading so I pretended to look for it.

"Actually, I did. I even went to a couple of city council meetings. I had no idea it mattered to you so much." He frowned. "Is it because of Caleb?"

"What about Caleb?" I asked too quickly.

"Well, do you not want to move because you're afraid you won't see him anymore?"

"No. That's...that's over," I confessed.

"Oh, I'm sorry." 

"Why? No one died. Don't waste your pity on me."

"Pity? Pity is the last thing I could feel for you, my little fish." He walked into the room finally and came to sit on the bed next to me. I could see the effort it took him to walk and bend in even the simplest of movements and my stomach churned. "But that doesn't mean I can't mourn for what's been lost. I'm sorry you are unhappy," he paused, "about the move."

"It doesn't matter anyway. I don't care. It's just annoying that I have to change my routine for these people who don't want us near their precious babies."

"I'd imagine so. I'll tell you one thing, though. Even if you don't care." His eyebrows rose, getting lost in his thinning hair. "It's okay to be upset, to be angry, to cry."

I scoffed.

"It's how we know we care. When I was younger and I moved to this country, I left things behind that I would give it all to get back."
"Us too?" I asked, wondering if he'd answer honestly. Would he give us up to go back to a time when he hadn't been hurt the way Mom hurt him?

"Never you." His head shook back and forth, even, like a pendulum. "But I did leave people behind. People who would have changed the outcome of my life. The mistakes I've made have led me here, with you and Maria, and mistakes are often blessings. But I wonder if I'd never left, or if I'd gone back, what path would I be on right now? I will never regret you or your sister, but I do regret having left others behind in my haste to change my life. Don't forget to remember who you leave behind. I know the situation is different. Your exit is involuntary, and mine was a leap and a jump on the first train out of there, but the outcome is the same. Think about that, Santana."

I nodded and he kissed me on the forehead like he would when I was a little girl. It was a warm reminder of how dad had always been around when we needed him, even if we were too proud to ask for help.

Though I vowed I wouldn't go back, I went to school the next day. I needed to get my things.

The plan was to go after the day was through, but Maria needed the car, so I went with her instead. I would just hide out in the graveyard until she could take me back home during lunch.