"Smile!" Kevin instructed, prompting me to throw my arms around him and flash the widest smile I could muster. He slid an arm around my waist, and beaming brightly, he pressed the button.
We were sat on my lawn, one cool evening, doing absolutely nothing. We both sat with our legs outstretched, our hands perched behind us. He was talking about his job, while I listened earnestly. When he had boasted about the number of saves he had made in the last game, I suggested we took a photo to celebrate the occasion.
Within a few seconds, the Polaroid was ejected from the camera. Kevin pulled it out, holding it gingerly as it dried. "I can keep it, right?" I said eagerly as he studied the picture, which was slowly starting to take shape.
He pouted in reply, adorably at that, "but I want to keep it." I laughed, giving him a light slap on his cheek, "oh please, you have hundreds of Polaroids of us, Kevin." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, knowing full well it was the truth.
Eventually he gave in, and for the longest time I stared eagerly at the photo. And unavoidably, I fell in love with it. "At least these memories won't change," I said, finally looking up into his eyes. He had been staring at the photo too, before meeting my eyes.
A small smile formed across his lips as he gazed at me. I smiled back, trying to contain the rush of butterflies in my stomach. "Kaylie, can I –," he hesitated for a second before continuing, "tell you something?"
I nodded slowly, not entirely sure what to expect. He opened his mouth, about to speak when his phone began ringing. He furrowed his eyebrows, fishing it out of his pocket. "It's my agent, I'll be right back," he gently squeezed my shoulder before pushing himself off the ground.
I watched as he took the call, his back facing me. Despite not being able to hear anything he was saying, I suddenly felt my gut drop, as if something unwanted was about to happen. Maybe it was just me, but I couldn't help the anxiousness that was growing inside of me.
When he finally turned to face me again, I prayed that he would announce something pleasant – something welcoming. But instead, his words were the exact opposite of that.
"Kaylie I'm – I'm going to Paris."
⦁⦁⦁
As he walked over, all I could manage was a small smile at him. "You know, it sucks how you can go home any time, but I have to wait until the season's over to go home," he quipped, earning a chuckle from me in return.
"It's just a week or two," I replied coolly, the smile still etched across my face. But the smile reflected nothing of how I was feeling. Frankly all I wanted was to pull him in for a hug; tell him how sorry I was for being such a coward.
I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how he meant the entire world to me. Leaving him behind would practically translate to letting go of the love of my life. But maybe, I had finally accepted that some things aren't meant to be.
As predicted, he saw right through my facade. "Kaylie, I know you. You're leaving because you don't want to face this," he said, holding his hands out in front of him. I sighed, using my silence as consensus.
"Can we at least talk about it first?"
Looking up at him, I was surprised I hadn't teared up by then. I exhaled slowly, searching for the right words amidst my jumbled thoughts. "Kevin, I – I'm sorry, okay? There are so many things I should have told you a long time ago."
As the words slipped from my mouth, I felt the inevitable rising of the lump in my throat. His eyes bore into mine, and my only response was the tears welling in my eyes. "Kaylie, it's not your fault that –" he began, only to be interrupted by me.
"It is my fault," I said, my voice barely above a whisper, "I ruined everything, Kevin. I'm sorry." I hastily turned on my heel, heading for the departure hall. But Kevin stopped me, gripping my shoulders and spinning me around.
"Kaylie, none of this is your doing," he breathed, looking me dead in the eye. "You don't understand –," I muttered, trying to break free. But his grasp on me was firm, and I eventually gave up.
Still, he released his grip on me, sighing. "Believe or not, I've grown to understand a lot of things." I stared at him, not quite comprehending what he was saying. After what felt like forever, he spoke again. "I lied, Kaylie."
He reached out to gently cup my face, "when I said I was happy, I lied. I wasn't happy. Because I didn't have you by my side."
"But I was always there for you," I croaked, searching his eyes desperately for clarification. Kevin shook his head. "Not like that," he whispered, inching closer to me, "but like this."
Before I could react, his lips came crashing into mine, as the tears finally released themselves. I couldn't move; a myriad of emotions engulfing my senses.
As his lips gently caressed mine, I felt my heart swell from joy. The tears wouldn't stop flowing as my arms found their way up to his back, holding onto him tightly.
And just like that I thought, maybe I didn't have to give him up after all.
—
do you hear me screaming
