Living a Lie {Anakin Skywalker x Reader}

4

I keep avoiding Anakin. Him thinking a kiss would change my perspective on love, a word not said easily, was so shallow. We are on the freighter, but I chose to separate myself from everyone. That is, until Padmé comes to me.

"Hello, (Y/N)," she smiled.

I smiled back, "hi."

"What's wrong?" She tilted her head, "why won't you come sit with me and Anakin."

You two can have each other. Another pretty couple in the Republic I thought. "I'm conflicted right now, that's all."

"I hope not with me. Or Anakin? I saw you storm out of your room last night," Padmé frowned.

Could I tell her what happened? "I -- I don't know if I should talk about it."

She nodded, "I completely understand, but if you are uncomfortable with him here you can leave, or I can even request him to leave."

I refused, "that won't be necessary. I'm not going to abandon my first mission in a long time because of this... Bantha brain."

Padmé snorted, "bantha brain?"

"I don't know," I rub the bridge of my nose.

"Well," Padmé started, "will you at least come sit with us?"

I shrugged and got up. She lead me to their table. I sat down next to Padmé, but across from Anakin. Great now I am forced to look at him.

"I'm glad you've come to join us, (Y/N)," Anakin offered a smile.

"Just splendid," I mumble as I take a bite into my lunch.

After 30 minutes of them two talking, Padmé gets up.

"I'll be back, I just need to go to the... bathroom," she smirks. I shoot her a look telling her not to leave. She does anyways.

"What's wrong," Anakin furrowed his brows.

I rolled my eyes, "for being 'the Chosen One' I'd think you'd be smart enough to know what's wrong."

"I was being honest last night, if that didn't convince you --"

I cut him off, "I don't need convincing Anakin. I know exactly what my feelings are for you, Anakin. It didn't help you to kiss me."

"You probably hate me now," he looks down at his plate.

He's so childish. "I don't hate you, Anakin. This is all so new to me. I don't know how to react."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was saying last night. You're right, we don't know what love is. And now, that kiss you should have never returned, is eating me away inside. The thought of living without you, kills me. I may not know what love is, but I know how I feel about you, (Y/N)," Anakin sat up from his chair and began to walk away.

I call for him, "Anakin, wait!"

He turns around, tears forming in his eyes.

"I have these feelings for you too, Anakin. It's just we -- we can't do this," suddenly I feel as if I'm going to cry. "I'm -- I'm sorry I need to go."

I rush to the cargo hold, and conceal myself in a corner. Tears wetted my face. As I wipe my tears away, I wonder why am I crying over him? Over the truth that we cannot love each other? This is all going too, too fast. I've barely known him for a day, and he tells me he loves me, then I cry over it. What is wrong with me?

******

I wake up in the same spot. This freighter is so slow, it's probably been only an hour or so. Wiping my face, I feel the tears that have stained my face. It's actually really quiet in here, other than the continuous hum of the engines. Then the door opens and light floods the once dark cargo hold.

"(Y/N)!" Padmé shouts out. Oh great, she found me.

She calls out again, "please, (Y/N)! I just want to talk to you!" I still don't answer her. But that doesn't stop her. Her footsteps echo as she searches for me. I can't move, or she'll find me immediately. I'll just have to wait here and hope she gives up before reaching me.

It's been about five minutes of her looking, and she is now only 10 feet away from me. Luckily, the corner I am is hid by a shadow of a crate. That doesn't do anything though, because she turns around and finds me.

"There you are!" She rushes towards me.

"What do you want?" My voice cracks.

Padmé kneels next to me, and wipes the dry tears off my face, "I want to help you, (Y/N). What's been going on?"

I shook my head, "I can't tell you. If anyone were to find out, I'd be banished from the Order."

"Have you," she gulped, "done something to them personally? Would Master Argus's leave have anything to do with it?"

"I didn't want Roland to leave. I loved him, Padmé. He was a father to me," I choke on the words, more tears rolling down my face.

Padmé places her hand on my shoulder, "then what is it?"

I don't know if I can tell her, so I don't answer.

"(Y/N), I want to help you. Please, tell me what is going on?" She begs.

I look at my trembling hands, "it's...Anakin."

She furrows her eyebrows, "what happened?"

I contemplate on whether I should tell her or not. "It's just... We got into an argument about my old Master. I don't really want to talk about the details," I lie.

"I'm... Sorry. I hope you two will make up soon," she says unconvinced. "Whatever went on, I'm sure he feels terrible. He's been laying in his bed the whole time, crying."

I sniffle. I'm glad he is feeling how I feel, but I also feel terrible how I've made him feel.

Padmé stands up, and extends a hand out to me, "Come on, it's getting late. You should get some rest. We have a big day tomorrow."

I wipe my face and take her hand and pull myself up. "Thanks," I whisper.

"Of course, (Y/N)," she smiles. We walk back to our quarters.

Anakin must hear us, because he says from his bed, back turned, "Padmé, I really don't want to talk right now." He chokes on his words a little.

"Well, we want to sleep," Padmé says.

"We?" He turns his body around and frowns at the sight of my tear battered face. "(Y/N)," he whispers.

"Goodnight, Anakin," I say emotionless. His face was also stained of tears.

Anakin turns back around, "goodnight."