on ice we glide (yuri on ice fanfiction- self harm, yaoi)COMPLETED

3-scarred

Author chan here! lol. Anyways... Exams are coming up in three weeks. That seems like a long time but in reality is super short, I think I'm going to have to study. And that sucks, cause like most people, I am the barely passers. Well actually I'm doing pretty good considering I never study. Anyways... On with the story!!!!

Recap
The door is unlocked, so I quietly let ,myself In and admire the view from a hidden distance. He's pretty good, and if his warm up has such good skills, I can only imagine how he will skate if e is trained properly. I move closer, and I can clearly see him. He's not wearing the sweat suit now, having exchanged it for lighter clothes, That's when I see his body properly.

Victors point of view
His skin is so beautiful, and beautifully pale, with the slightest tan, and his cheeks are tinted red. But what covers his body, other than his clothes, are scars. I see them. Little, thin scars mixed with thicker, bigger ones, though the majority of them are the thinner type. My eyes widen with realization as it hits me. I did a course once for a lifesaving class back in high school about types of wounds. Most small, thin, straight scars are self inflicted. Yuuri cuts himself. Yuuri cuts himself. The pain on his face when I first saw him properly, the agony etched deep in his eyes, was depression. I see among the scars, still healing and fresh cuts. I have to stop him. I have to.

Yuuri's point of view
I'm panting, it's been almost an hour of continuous practice, so I stop to take a quick break. The rink is always so silent you could probably hear a pin drop. I relish the silence and serenity and then I hear IT, a loud sound amidst the silence of the rink- a gasp. I do a 360, trying to locate the location of who ever made the sound. I see them, standing near the entrance, partly hiding behind a wall. My eyes widen and my eyes travel to my arms, and I sigh. How will I pull this off? So I skate to the farthest end of the rink, and grab one of the jackets I keep in the building, since I used to be a regular five years ago and have returned to being a regular again. I put It on, hiding a wince when the fabric scrapes the fresher cuts, but I relish that pain. It will make me stronger, a better skater. Then I warily make my way off the ice, and stare at Victor expectantly. He seems to be speechless. Damn it, there's no doubt. He's seen my body. He wouldn't understand. People like him think that cutting is so horrible, but only people like me, the ones who are not destined to be first without trying understand how I feel. One might say that It is horrible and unhealthy to cut, but people like me know that it makes us stronger. I take my skates off and put them in my bag, to replace them with my shoes, and a heavy silence falls over the both of us.

"yuuri..." Victor starts, breaking the silence. "how could you? Why?" he asks, still reeling from shock. I snicker darkly, with a hint of sadness, and then my insides turn to ice. He famous and has a lot of influence on media, what if he tells? he could ruin-no, demolish, my whole skating career. So I look away, stressing over all the scenarios. This was stupid. I should have locked the door. I should have gone on a longer run. I should have left my sweat suit on. I should have worn the jacket. The ground suddenly seems very interesting.

"...Don't tell," I say, my voice trembling. I feel it happening again. My head feeling as if it being compressed, my body feeling too full of blood. I need to cut-fast, but I try to ignore it, and hold the sudden urge off.

" Yuuri, you need help," Victor tells me gently.

"NO!" I yell, then my hands fly to cover my mouth, and I talk again, a lot more quietly. "No... I don't," I say.

"You're obviously underweight, and when You took your skates off I could see blood seeping through them. That means you've been skating too much, and have had bad blisters and wound on your feet. AND YOU'VE BEEN CUTTING!"I He explodes, anger and worry shown plainly on his gorgeous face.

"What does not kill me makes me stronger," I state.

"Well, if you keep this up, you really will end up dead!" he snaps back, Then grabs me my the shoulders and shakes me. "Wake up! This is not going to make you a better person. You're destroying yourself. You think that no one's noticed that you don't eat?! That you train all day?! Do you have any fucking idea how worried your mother is?! WELL, DO YOU?!" he shouts, his silvery white hair flies around his face, which is usually a milky white but now reddened with anger. He tries to compose himself, and talks again, this time much more gently and quietly, almost whispering. "Don't do it, Yuuri, Don't." What he does next surprises me. He opens his arms and presses me in towards his body, and gives me a hug. "I'm your coach now, Yuuri, and also your friend. By hurting yourself, you're hurting me,"

The urge to cut vanishes, and is replaced with a warm, peaceful, feeling. I feel like Victor can make me a better skater, that I can trust him more than I trust myself. I whisper back to him. "Thanks," He smiles. "I don't know if I can stop," I admit.

"Trust me when I say this, Yuuri. I will stop you, no matter what it takes," he says, and I smile like I have not done in a long time.

Ugh. My life is a mess right now. I am going to start volunteering soon, too. But whatever, I'm volunteering at the pool, and like Yuuri has a passion for skating, I have one for swimming, and while I do say that I am pretty good, I am not Olympic style good. Anyways, leave a comment and I'll keep writing. So hopefully I can keep my promise and publish a new chapter later this week.

-author chan ❤