Flipped

Chapter 14- The Sound of Shattered Hearts

Art by: Rose Wyatt

Entitled: A Beautiful Death

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Heartbreak is the vague numbness of frozen rain beating down on the clouded window of a hospital room. Heartbreak is frigid air on blushing cheeks never meant to touch, unfeeling fingers never meant to be intertwined, and dry eyes casting forbidden looks....

Heartbreak is azure.

— Samuel A. Wyatt

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Sam

Speech class is fucking hell to sit through. Each minute ticks by with the speed and excitement of a sloth crossing the road, and my thoughts are consumed by four people simultaneously.

The first person on my mind is, of course, the one person who almost never leaves my mind: My sister Rose. (my sister, I remind the demon inside my head). 

Even on the second week of no communication between the two of us, I haven't sorted out whether or not I'm ready to forgive her. (Or even whether or not I deserve to be forgiven). Currently my feelings undulate on a spectrum made from memories of shit we've both said and done to each other. They range from sadness to apathy, from regret to anger, from guilt to fucking hatred....I just can't decide which is worse. I said some awful things to her, but did she have to start dating Cody just to fucking spite me? Then again, me continuing to flirt with him when I know he likes her isn't very decent of me either.

Even while these thoughts flood my mind in a waterfall of uncertainty, another person I can't quit thinking about is Cody himself. My heart flutters like a hummingbird's wings at thoughts of our scheduled "date" tomorrow. The hospital date. He's taking me to see his sister; he's trusting me in a way he has never trusted anyone before, not even Rose.

Rose....

The name brings to mind another person that shares it: the third person on my mind, and one I wished would be erased from my mind completely. Other Rose, whose last name escapes me (something generic.....Smith? Miller? Woods?) and the heavy confession bomb she dropped on me in the bathroom earlier today. God, how I wish I could go back to before I knew what she told me. Now, underneath all the other drama in my life, her secret bites and pokes at me like a relentless mosquito. So while I'm thinking of me and Cody and Cody and Rose, a nagging poke reminds me, Also, Other Rose likes Actual Rose, so yeah, that's a thing. And my head wants to explode.

But again, I'm not touching that one. Not for a million dollars, nope, not even a little. I will not tell a soul, I will not think about it, I will not get involved. 100% nope.

The fourth and final person who continues to occupy my thoughts, kind of separate from the hurricane of drama that is bringing me so much stress and sadness, is Dan. Funny how even though there was a time when I dreaded going to math because I knew he would be there, a time when he was nothing to me but a bully, just another rude annoyance in my life....now, he's the only person whom I can think about without feeling a tsunami of stress. Which is exactly why I can't wait to spend time with him today, and also why I feel so guilty for lying to Cody about why I'm spending time with him today.

I don't take a single note during all of speech. I just rest my head on my arms and let these thoughts wash through my mind over and over like a rushing whirlpool.

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Rose

I don't take a single note during all of speech. Then again, I hardly ever do. It wasn't a problem during the first month, because Sam would always give me his notes to copy off of later. Even though that doesn't happen anymore, I feel no strong urge to suddenly start paying attention in my least favorite class. So like always, I pull out my sketch book and continue working on my latest rose sketch.