Flipped

Chapter 21- Unraveled

Sam

"You're....you're what?"

The venom in Dad's voice is far outweighed by his confusion, but still I flinch. I can feel the inner systems of my body-- nervous, circulatory, respiratory, all of them-- going completely and utterly haywire as the reality of what I've just done fully sets in. A significant part of me wishes that I could reach forward, grab those two words I just spat out and shove them back into my mouth, to be chewed up and swallowed before they can cause the irreversible damage I know they have already caused. That same part of me knows I should shut up now, before I make things worse.

But the other part of me-- the part that is still on a weird sort of autopilot mode-- wins again.

"Transgender," I repeat, in a confident voice that does not at all reflect the turmoil taking place inside of me. "You know, a boy born with the body of a girl. And if you guys can quit fighting for five seconds I can explain more of what that means--"

"Hold on," Mom cuts me off, shaking her head. "I don't understand. Are you saying that you want to be a boy?"

I sigh. "I'm saying that I am a boy, Mom. I always have been. And it's about time I told you."

"I...." Mom keeps shaking her head. She takes a step back from me, almost tripping over the broken shards of a plate that one of them threw when they were screaming at each other about god knows what this time. "I still don't understand."

"This is nonsense," Dad laughs all of a sudden. He doesn't seem to be taking this nearly as serious as Mom is. In fact, he looks at me like I just told him the best joke he has heard all year. "It's ridiculous. You're not a boy, Samantha. No matter how short you cut your hair. You're grounded for that, by the way."

I grit my teeth, wanting to yell at him, but my usually effortless, daring attitude is shaken by my sunken heart. I was all set for confusion, for outrage and denial. I was prepared to handle something more in line with Mom's current reaction, that stunned and unsure look. But to be simply laughed at? That's something that even all my years of lying awake at night and imagining this moment couldn't have prepared me for.

"Now why don't you run back upstairs and do your homework," Dad suggests, condescendingly. "Those grades aren't going to fix themselves. Let your mother and I get back to our conversation."

"What conversation?" I snap, my anger suddenly refueled by his mocking attitude. I flick my glare between my father and mother, who stare back at me with anger and fear respectively. "All you guys do anymore is scream at each other, you don't talk about anything! Why don't you shut up and listen to someone else for once?"

"Do not take that tone with me, young lady," Dad growls.

"I'm NOT a young lady! I'm a boy!" And just like that, I am screaming the words I have wanted to scream for years. I don't care if Rose hears. I don't care if the neighbors hear. I don't care if the entire city of Mountain Brook hears and comes at me with their pitchforks and torches. I am declaring my identity. "I. AM. A. BOY!!!"

"No you are not," Dad responds simply, laughing again. "You are a confused, fourteen-year-old girl. Jeez, I was getting ready for you to come out as lesbian one of these days, but this? This is too much...." Dad trails off with cruel, but seemingly forced laughter. "You need to get off of the internet, sweetie."

"Why aren't you listening to me?" I beg, feeling close to tears. "I just told you my biggest secret, and you're treating it like a joke!" Honestly, I would almost prefer it if he were screaming at this point. Anything but this heartless and embarrassing condescension.