Les Sacrifices auront leurs Conséquences

2. J'ai besoin de ton pardon

Forgiveness. It was a concept that they were all having to learn. From the very beginning, there was a need for it. From hurt feelings to physical wounds, they all had something to be sorry for and they all had something to forgive someone for.

Before Lophiiformes and the Dean were killed the first time, it was all small things that had to be forgiven. After however, things changed. Not only were feelings hurt, but trust was betrayed, beliefs were challenged, family was betrayed, friends were killed, and people were asked to change when it wasn't them who needed changing.

Everything and everyone was hurt in one way or another and it tore relationships to shreds, leaving some feeling abandoned just when things went from bad to awful.

Just when everyone had seemingly both repaired themselves and forgiven each other, the fallout came. It was almost like their very own Chernobyl had happened.

The explosion happened, spreading debris and sending everyone fleeing. Just when they thought they escaped and started rebuilding they realized that all along, the fallout was waiting just below the surface. As soon as they found shelter and a bit of peace, the anger, hurt, and disappointment rose up from the ground like lethal radiation, seeping into their skin. It was uncontrollable, messy, and destructive to every part of who they were and what they had.

Carmilla knew that she needed to forgive Laura. She knew she probably needed some forgiveness from Laura as well. Actually forgiving her or asking for it though? That was one thing she wasn't so sure she could do yet. She thought she had already forgiven her for what happened with Danny and Mattie, but she wasn't sure now. The self-sacrifice, the lying, and having to say goodbye to Ghost Mattie. It was too much. It made her feel like they hadn't made any progress at all. She thought that after over 300 years, she would've figured out how to deal with stuff like this.

After walking out on Laura the night before, Carmilla had decided that she needed to run. Feeling the cold air beat her lungs and her legs aching. Both, were somewhat new experiences, but they were also a good distraction, clearing her racing mind. What she didn't realize was that she had a limit now. Her semi-human body couldn't teleport on command, she couldn't run for hours on end without losing her breath, and she was more sensitive to the cold.

She found herself running out of energy and the ability to keep going after about 12 kilometers. Slowing down, she tried to steady her breath, feeling the cold begin to reach her bones and make her shiver.

She didn't feel like she could go back, not only was she getting really tired from all that had happened on top of the running, but she wasn't sure she could face anyone, let alone Laura.

When she looked up from her thoughts, she realized that she had run back to the campus and was near where their old dorms were. The building was in tatters now, mostly collapsed and partially sunken in the ground. It was oddly beautiful to her philosophy major mind. A building, seemingly like her, old and tattered. It was in a new phase, once tall and majestic, housing knowledge and beauty, it now only barely held itself above the ground, housing only destruction and harried wild life.

It wasn't much anymore, but she figured it would be a good place to hole up for the night if she could find even a partially intact room. The room she had shared with Laura, as well as most of the surrounding rooms were already gone, likely broken and scattered into the tunnels below.

She managed to crawl through a window just above the ground and slide into the room, landing up against what would have been a bed, but was now just tattered blankets and broken wood. She figured that it would have to do with how cold and tired she was, 'Stupid frail human body.'

Curling up into the corner as best she could, she covered herself with the remains of blankets and sheets, getting as comfortable and warm as possible in the ruins of the dormitory. Not long after she gave into exhaustion.

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"We need to do a sweep of the remaining campus structures Polizeirat, sir! There have to be more students on that campus that need our help." The commissioner looked sternly at Sherman Hollis, thinking for a moment about the situation. He was right, the likelihood of there being students in need of help was high, but the Bundespolizei was already spread so thin. Sherman had been pleading with him for an hour at least, trying to get him to understand that if this was where his children were attending he would do the same.

"Alright, fine. We do one sweep and then we are out of here in the morning, we need to get to helping in the cities and at the airport. When we leave tomorrow, I also expect you to take your daughter and her friends straight home and out of the way of the Bundespolizei." Sherman nodded curtly and rushed out the makeshift headquarters tent to start prepping for the search.

With so few standing structures left on campus, it didn't take long for the Bundespolizei to search. They were closing in on the western side by mid-afternoon, reaching the dormitory. There they dragged out only one student, the pale and shivering Carmilla.

It may have been the end of summer, but Germany was still frequently cold at night and with all the mystic events the campus weather was on the fritz leaving it freezing cold and very wet.

She was quickly wrapped in a reflective blanket and put in the back of a flatbed truck to be taken back with any others. Sherman quickly spotted her after finishing his final sweep on another building. Rushing over, worry grew in his features, his only thoughts being why she wasn't with Laura and if she was okay.

"Carmilla, sweetheart, what are you doing out here? Are you hurt? Did they get you enough heat packets to warm you?" He began to ramble, but she stopped him, interrupting, "Please, just stop. I'm fine." Her mussed hair covered most of her face but he could tell that she was drained and upset. "Carmilla, what happened? Why aren't you with my Laura?"

She shook her head and turned from him, "I left her." "What? Did you two fight? Did you just need a break? Cause I can understand that, my wife and I, before she passed, fought all the time an-" He wasn't understanding. "No. I. Left. Her. We're done. Finished. OVER." Sherman was stunned and backed away slightly. "Oh. Now surely you don't mean that. You two-... you two are perfect. I haven't seen anything like that since my wife and I got married." Carmillla picked up her head and glared at him with everything she had left, raising her voice, "No, you don't get it. We're done! I can't do it! I can't go back to her! I can't forgive her!"

He was silent for a moment, holding her gaze despite the looks they were getting from the few nearby Bundespolizei. "Come on." He told her. "What?" "Come on, get in." He motioned to the cab of the truck and climbed in the cab on the drivers side. Carmilla sat there for a moment, stunned. She thought he would back down and just leave her alone. Deciding she didn't have the energy to fight, she got down from the bed and climbed into the passenger side, holding the reflective blanket tight around her shoulders.

"Look, I don't know what happened and I'm sure that it must have been pretty big for you to leave her." She made a snide laughter noise and turned her head the window. Sherman sighed and looked at Carmilla softly. "Alright, let's try that again. I know, it's not easy to forgive. It's one of the hardest things for a person to do. But realize this, you've seen what it's like to be happy and in love. You know what it is to be free." Her shoulders slumped slightly and her face softened, though he couldn't see it. "The reality is that if you ever want that freedom, if you ever want things to be that good again you have to forgive. You can never be free if you are holding on to anger and blame that tightly, even if you do leave. I'm sure that somewhere in that 300-year-old wisdom of yours, you can find that I'm right. Have you ever been free when you've held on to something?" He left the question open, getting out of the truck to clear his leaving with the commissioner since they were so close to the end of the campus sweep.

Soon, he was back in the truck, starting it and heading back towards the small base they had constructed in front of the hotel.

A.N. - Polizeirat - equivalent to Major in the Army, I'm assuming this would be a good rank to be leading the rescue mission with the Bundespolizei being stretched so thin due to the 'plauges'