Les Sacrifices auront leurs Conséquences

4. J'ai besoin de temps

After Laura had left Carmilla slumped back down onto the couch, her head in her hands. She felt betrayed yet again. She was tired of the stupid podcasts. At first, they were an actual threat to her livelihood. She didn't need the whole world knowing she was a vampire, whether they believed it or not. It would've made her life a whole lot harder and quite possibly could've put her in danger.

Now that she wasn't a vampire anymore... It wasn't necessarily as bad. Yes, there was the chance that some people would believe she was a vampire, but not believe she turned human and still think her a threat. However, that was far less likely than many other scenarios.

Really, she was just frustrated. Carmilla had always valued her privacy beyond anything else. It's what kept her safe. Keeping to herself was the only source of freedom she had with Maman guiding her life. She didn't want to be made anymore of spectacle than she already was.

However, she understood where Laura was coming from and that was more frustrating than anything else. Her 300-year-old wisdom and experience told her that Laura needed that outlet. After everything that happened, she probably even deserved it. The least Carmilla could do was give her that much, even if it was frustrating as all hell.

"God dammit!" She shook her head, reaching behind her to grab the pillow she had slept on and threw it at the wall violently. As it hit the floor, Carmilla realized that she had unintentionally grabbed Laura's yellow pillow last night. It seems old habits die hard. She grinned slightly at all the times Laura would get all prissy with her for stealing it.

In some sort of reverence, Carmilla went and picked it up, placing it back on the bed neatly. Realizing she was still uptight and needed to release the pent-up energy, she began to pick up the room, making the bed, folding and putting clothes back in backpacks, and rinsing out Laura's mug from the stale coffee.

It wasn't long before she was showered and ready to collapse for a few more hours, settling into the small couch again for the night.

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The next morning, Carmilla had been walking around the hotel in her usual brooding manner, finding things to eat and watching as the Bundespolizei pack up their things and watching Sherman Hollis try to help the remaining students get their things sorted and find ways home.

As she watched him she thought about his words to her the previous day. Every one hit home. He was right when he said that she was never free when she was holding on to something. Though she never knew how much it was actually hurting her until Laura showed up, she knew she never wanted to be that miserable again. She never wanted to feel pinned down like she had been all that time.

She was conflicted. Either road was going to be difficult. She had to choose forgiveness and ask for it too or she was stuck with a true lifetime of longing and emotional entrapment at the need to let things go. Could she really forgive Laura for letting Danny kill Mattie? Could she really forgive her for lying to her? Could she really forgive her for sacrificing herself? Could she really swallow her own pride and ask for forgiveness? Cause she knew that Laura wasn't going to be the first to say it. Laura was too damn stubborn for that, despite how much she knew she wanted to fix things.

Carmilla climbed down off the table she was sitting on in the café area and walked out to the rooms. She had to smirk slightly when she heard LaFontaine and Perry arguing over a mess LaF had made as she walked past their room. They may not have been talking much, but at least they were tolerating each other's presence a little bit.

As she approached Sherman's room, where she knew Laura would be hiding, she began to slow, unsure of what step to take. Standing outside the door, she stared at her hands, willing herself to put away the pride and just do it.