(ON HOLD, READ BIO) I'll Be There For You.

8. Why would you do this? (Part 2)

Happy Holidays. ~Catherine

(EVELYN)

        My heart went from a flustered pounding to a complete stop. I grabbed the razor and slid it under me before Jayy turned his head towards me. I mustered up a half smile, which obviously didn't work. Jayy grimaced and pushed himself away from Haley, who was frozen in her spot. "Get that shit-eating grin off of your face and tell me what you're up to." I kept my mouth shut, not like I could open it if I wanted to. Haley didn't open her mouth either; She almost seemed more concerned about this than I did. Jayy squeezed himself past Haley through the door into the tiny bathroom, turning to face Haley. "What is it, drugs? Smoking, alcohol, what?" She gave me a quick glance, like I could give her a valuable excuse or a confirmation to rat me out. I looked down, not sure of what to do. He'd find out eventually; he had an uncanny knack for detecting liars. Might as well let it happen. Haley looked at Jayy, slowly shaker her head side to side.

        Jayy immediately turned around, facing my direction. The look in his eyes indicated that he was getting more aggravated by the second. He let out a deep breath, getting on his knees in front of me. He tried to keep his voice steady and calm, but you could almost feel the anger flood out of his gritted teeth as he spoke. "If you're trying to keep it a secret to protect your ass, you might as well stop." He sighed and used a hush tone. "The only thing that'll get you in trouble is if you lie to my face." He put a hand on my knee softly. I could feel the tension in his body, and looking up at his face, I could see everything. I could see the stress-induced bags under his eyes, the anger and fear and caring in his eyes. I started to cry a bit in realization. I caused this. I took his life away from him, turning him into this tired being. He has to take care of me, when he could be living an amazing life. I'm a fucking burden, I did this. The self loathing made me have the urge to use the razor again right then and there, but I doubt that could help this situation. Nothing I did ever helped. I didn't know how long I had been absorbed in my thoughts or crying, but I guess it wasn't too long. I took the razor out from under me, hesitating at first to move it into view. Jayy readjusted on his knees, putting a hand out for what I was hiding. Reluctantly, I set the now warm piece of metal into his hand, not looking up at his face. It got eerily quiet, nothing being said for a few seconds. 

        I shyly glanced up to see Jayy's eyes glued on the razor. Without looking away, Jayy hoarsely called over his shoulder, "Haley? Could you give us a moment?" She didn't move. Jayy stood up and turned to her, looking down at her from his towering stature. His voice was more forceful now. "Could you go, now?" Haley looked at me a last time before she turned and fled into the hallway. He used his free hand to close the door, slowly pushing it and leaning himself onto it with a thud synchronized with the latch. I still couldn't move. The weight of the situation hung in the air, did a pirouette or two. After a good minute of silence (Jayy with eyes closed, me picking at my skin after attempting to crack my knuckles that no longer had air pockets to pop), I guess the dancing reality came down and hit him. He kept his eyes closed as he asked, "How long?"

        I looked down, not daring to meet his gaze if he opened his eyes. "Only a few times..." I saw his shadow on the ground as he moved closer to me. "That's not the question." He drew out his repeated question. "How long?" I didn't want to talk about this right now. I rambled out an answer, "A few months, I guess. I don't know. Can we talk about this later? It really isn't a big deal-" He stopped my rant in its tracks by almost letting out in a chant "Don't." I looked up to find him kneeling down and looking straight at me. "Don't you dare tell me that you taking a cheap piece of metal from a dollar store shaving razor or pencil sharpener and digging it into your precious body doesn't matter. It matters a whole fucking lot, actually." I winced, his words hitting hard. I disappointed him yet again, great. Before I could get wrapped up in my thoughts again, I was wrapped up in his embrace. I broke down then and there, sobbing into his chest like the sick child I was. I heard the clunk of what I presumed to be the razor hit the floor of the tub and his now free hand stroked my hair. "I'm not mad or disappointed in you, you got that? I'm just worried because I care a whole fucking lot." I continued to let it out, not having any self control at this point. After a few minutes my sobs became silent, and Jayy spoke. "I have to stay tonight again, maybe Haley can stay, too. Do you want to come out with me to ask or would you rather get cleaned up first?" I let go of him, wiping some of my ratted bangs out of my eyes. "I'm a mess. I'll just need a few." He nodded and reached behind me to grab the razor, heading to the door. "Jayy?" He turned around, raising an eyebrow. I mouthed a silent "thank you," earning me a smirk as he left.

(JAYY)         

        I leaned on the wall outside the door for Eve. How didn't I ever notice? She came out after a few minutes, her hair in place and face less puffy. She stilled looked like shit, but like a pretty shit. "Ready to go, princess?" She rolled her eyes and walked down into the kitchen, me close behind. Haley was at the kitchen table, looking like she was about to fall asleep. How late was it? Couldn't be too late. Long day I guess. "You look like you're going to pass out." Haley groggily stood up, walking over and slinging an arm around Evelyn. "I was about to until you disturbed me. Did you tell her yet?" Eve looked at me, cocking her head to the side curiously. Shit, I forgot. "Tell me what?" I tried not to stutter, coming up with an excuse. "Uhh, don't worry about it. We'll talk about it in the morning." She let out a snort, "Tonight has been hell anyways. Might as well just tell me." She really didn't need this tonight. I looked at Haley, who I could tell didn't think she needed the news right now either. I used a last minute solution, blurting it out. "Surprise, we're going on vacation!"

        Eve looked up at Haley, who nodded with fake enthusiasm. Eve eyed me with a smirk, along with a surprised expression from Haley. "Really now?" I grinned, going along with my story. "Yep. Got a nice little beach house for a week, just the three of us." Her expression dropped a bit. "So mom's not going?" Haley chimed in, "Well honey, she needs some time alone. Wouldn't it be great to get out of town for awhile?" Eve let down her guard and smiled at both of us, unraveling herself from Haley. "I better get packing then. Goodnight guys." Haley and I patted her shoulder as she made a sleepy march into her room. "G'night, kiddo!" When her door shut, I could feel the hands pushing on my chest. "What a good story, Jayy. Now, what are you going to do when she's packed to go and we have no beach house to go to?" I shoved her off, not appreciating her harsh whispering and physical assault. "Don't worry, I know a guy! What was I supposed to do, tell her her mom wants nothing to do with her and watch her break down again? She doesn't need that right now." Haley put her hands on her temples. "I'll try to sort out my schedule then. Send me the details when you get them." She walked over and grabbed her jacket. "You're not staying the night then?" She grabbed the keys and headed out the door. "I'll bring your car back in the morning. Right now, I have sunscreen to pack."