I Am Schizophrenic

Chapter Thirteen (Eliza's POV)

Chapter Thirteen

                     ~Eliza~

“Thanks for the night, Ashton.” I thanked Ashton shyly. He actually took me for dinner at a decent restaurant in the downtown. It was so sweet of him, we talked while eating and he asked me to dance with him. It’s been a really long time since a guy treated me sweetly as he did. However, I felt so guilty for pretending to be someone else with him—I couldn’t tell him about the real me. The cutter, the bulimic—and the one who killed her own baby. But I acted cool, took advantage of every single cute moment with him. He was a gentleman with me, and I felt happy with him. Christina kept advising me to stop this—because we both know it would end with heartbreaks. I didn’t listen—I just followed my heart.

He looked into my eyes with a smile on his face and said “Don’t thank me.”

I smiled back.

“Have you called your parents lately? They must have been worried about you. And till now I don’t know why you left them with Christina and ran away.”

I froze for a second and said “It’s complicated.”

“But I have the right to know!”

“You know what, it’s complicated—even I’m a complicated person. You should stay away from me.” I told him in a broken voice then left quickly.

Christina was sleeping when I got back; I stayed on my bed in the dark staring at the wall with puzzled eyes. I was a liar and a pretender, I wished we could leave town to stay away from Ashton’s questioning. I was weak—I couldn’t start a new life, my past had to chase me every second in my present—and surely it would affect my future.

“You can’t tell anybody, Rina. You’re my sister and supposedly you should cover for me.” I begged Katrina while she was standing with crossed arms.

“Well, they should know about their daughter who’s a slut. And I see scars on your arms and legs—you’ve been cutting, right? A slut and a cutter—that’s too shameful for a respectful family like us.” She said coolly and provocatively.

“I’m not okay—everyday is a nightmare for me..” I said then I broke down crying.

“Elizabeth, it’s for your own good. They should know to help you. You haven’t been eating, cutting yourself—that’s horrible.”

I looked at her quietly, trying to be convinced by her words. But if my parents knew, they’d just hate me so much—same for Stefan. I was just a shame as she said—but I hoped that I’d change and forget this dreadful past.

“Rina, please don’t tell them—I will but I have to prepare myself.”

She nodded quietly and said “Deal.”

“I talked to Ashton, and he found us two jobs—thankfully, he told the people that we’re his relatives and they don’t need our IDs now.” Christina told me as I was licking the spoon which had Nutella on.

“What are the jobs?”

“A babysitter and a maid.” Chris said shamefully.

“Hmm. Better than nothing. Which one is suitable for you?” I asked her.

“The maid—I’m afraid that if I babysat any kid, I’d just harm them.”

“I like kids.” I said.

She silenced for a minute and said with a low voice “We’ll be away from each other.”

Her words scratched my heart when I remembered that yes, we would be away. From the beginning, Chris and I were together in everything—we escaped together, lived together and helped each other. Now it’s hard to let my best friend go. I tried to prevent the fall of my tears, so I kind of laughed it off and told her;

“But there are holidays, weekends and cell phones.”

She smiled cheerfully and said “Right!”

I left the Nutella jar, got up and hugged her tightly. I pulled out my pinky and said “Forever and always best friends?”

She smiled, pulled out her pink as well and touched mine and said “Forever and always.”

 “Stefan?” I called as I entered his room slowly, I didn’t know why he came back home early. I found him sitting on the floor with photos around him. He turned around, looked at me in puzzled eyes and said;

“Yes?”

“You didn’t come to me when you arrived.” I told him in a low and worried voice.

He looked at me with sharp eyes and blank gesture and said “I forgot.” Then he gave me his back.

I quickly sat next to him on the floor, trying to understand why he was acting this way. I was secretly frightened that Katrina told him about me. he was looking at an old photo of me with Rina, he looked so disappointed.

“What’s the matter?” I asked him tenderly.

“What? I’m just looking at my little sister’s photos; and remembering how innocent and naïve she was.”

I froze, without blinking I asked slowly “You mean me?”

“Well, Katrina didn’t sleep with someone, got pregnant and had an abortion. Right?”

Tears filled my eyes and I said “She told you?”

“No, Noah did.”

I was shocked at how my best friend betrayed me and told them about me. but after all, he was right. I sucked.

“I’m so sorry…” I said while crying in a broken voice.

“Enough. I’m leaving. And I heard about your scars and bulimia. You’re going to a mental hospital tomorrow, parents orders.” He told me and stood up leaving the room.

I didn’t react, I was very devastated to respond. They considered me ill now, I had no choice except to sit down and cry in silent. Sometimes, you can’t have any choice and surrendering to the circumstances is the only way out. Too bad this is my case.