In her Mind

Chapter 7

"Shut up. Don't talk to me till 8"
She checked the clock. 3:42.
"Fine. I won't text you at all"
"Good. 😜"
This has become normal for them. On and off fighting. He hurts her and she comes running back. Especially when he wanted to be a father to another girls child. She broke again. For the thousandth time. Her ankles are raw from scratching and her hips are full of cuts. She doesn't dare show him. He'll just get angry again. She can't help but cry. Kat screamed into her pillow. The third time this week. And it was only Tuesday. She loved him. She couldn't deny it. But does he love her? He says he does. And he acts like it. Sometimes.
The next day they were at school. Brendan acted like nothing had happened and Kat was scared of bringing it up. So she went along with it. She smiled and walked over to him. Brendan kisses her and she hugged him. Her smile was happy but her eyes showed how she truly felt. Maybe he just didn't notice. Or maybe he did and he just didn't care. Either way. She was hurt. She walked to her classes with him like normal. Smiling and kissing him before each class. Going through life how she did before she met him. Maybe she only deserved bits of happiness shattered by cruel reality. She went on Instagram. He followed almost everyone that has bullied her. Yes she hated it but he said he deleted the app and lost his password. She doesn't dare bring it up. She wants to believe him but after what happened with "her". She just couldn't. At the end of the day, she walked to her locker. He met her there. Kat smiled and got her stuff. They held hands as they walked down the hall. He was on his phone and wasn't paying a bit of attention to her. She kept her head down. Wanting to curl up. She just carried on. At the end of the hall they kissed. Then they walked out of school. Next to each other but he was on his phone. When she got home, she tried doing her homework. All she could think about was what was going on with him and that damn phone. After he cheated, he promised she could look through his phone whenever she wanted. But every time she tried he would always have an excuse. When they hung out. He would either be playing a game or be texting someone. Either way he'd tilt the screen away from her. She bit her lip till it bled. She slid all of her homework off her desk, hard. She stood up and hit the wall as hard as she could. She ran to her box. Pulled out the "pen". He's been stressed lately. At least that's what he says. She ran to the cabinet with the blade in had. He hasn't been text her but he looks at her story on snapchat. She couldn't take it. Her parents were with her sister at the hospital, again. The girl he cheated on her with started bullying her about a week ago. She said that she lied about her sister. As she lays there on a fucking hospital bed. She popped open the cap on some whiskey. She chugged half the bottle and started crying. She slid down the wall. "Hey." She texted him. He read it. Kat laughed and took another drink. She threw her phone and finished off the bottle. She stumbled to the bathroom laughing. He doesn't care. Red started spilling from her hips. She missed the relief. She had promised him not to hurt herself. But how could she not when he had hurt her more than she ever could. She felt dizzy. She reached up to the medicine cabinet. Opening it she fell. She tried standing up but couldn't. She passed out on the floor. When she awoke she was still a bit messed up. Kat groaned as she tried standing up. She got to the toilet and started puking. She looked at the floor. Fuck. She cleaned up the place. There was a pink stain on the floor that she couldn't get up. She gave up and went to the kitchen. She found her phone and saw 10 messages from Brendan. She chuckled and opened her phone. "Hey" "u there" "answer me" "I'm getting pissed" the rest were him going on about how this isn't fair to him. She rolled her eyes and answered. "Sorry baby. I fell asleep. " "it's okay. Don't do it again" she bit her cheek. She put on a jacket and walked outside. Putting in her earbuds she played some music. It calmed her for a bit. She remembered her best friend. Well. Used to be. She dated Brendan before Kat did. And now she only talks to him. She barley ever talks to Kat anymore but it's whatever. Right.? Maybe.? She walked across the street. Secretly hoping that a car would hit her. None did. So she walked into the gas station. She brought two bottles of aspirin and 6 monsters. She asked for a pack of matches too. When she got home she took the pack of cigarettes her mum was hiding. She lit one. Breaking yet another one of his rules. Even thought he does it at parties that he doesn't even bother inviting her to. She breathed in the sweet nicotine. She opened a monster and the first pill bottle. Over the corse of an hour she drank 4 monsters and took a full bottle of pills. She blared the music in her headphones and laid down. Feeling the pills starting to effect her. She didn't want to think about him. She didn't want to think at all. She wanted it all to stop. This was as close as she could get without killing herself. She closed her eyes and welcomed the delightful sleep.