Blue Armbands

My Hell That's Always There For Me

My psychosis is my living Hell

But it's my Hell that's always there for me

Of course it's bad and makes me sad

But it's something I can always see

It's something that brings me stability

Even when it strips that away

In every other aspect possible

"Consistent" is a better way to say

It's one of the most exhausting things

And terrifying to say the least

It's not that I would wish it back

That merciless persistent beast

But there's something about my psychosis

That I feel like is meant to be there

No matter the fear, the pain, the fatigue

No matter how much it's unfair

Having psychosis is being trapped

In a particular state of mind

That is almost completely impossible to break

Many will come to find

Doctors think that giving me pills

Will change the way I am

This medication just makes me foggy

Feeling like a piece of ham

Everything I already felt

Is still somewhere deep down

It's just that now I'm far too relaxed

And in my thoughts, I much less drown