In a moment I had torn myself off of Cor's lips and sat there staring at him. Cor licked his lips and smiled weakly. I backed off on the bed and downed the remaints of my drink to calm down a bit. I leaned my elbows onto my knees and ran my fingers through my head, feeling the numbing effects of the alcohol circling in my veins. Cor was silent behind me for a while.
"You already have someone."
It wasn't a question. However, I nodded, and heard him taking a shaky breath behind me.
"I'm sorry," I muttered and got up to pace to the door.
"You already have someone, yet still you wanted that as much as I did."
That wasn't a question either. I stopped in mid-step and turned to face Cor, who sat on the bed, hanging the drink in his fingers. His eyes gleamed dark blue in between his hair and he was biting the other lip ring, looking very lost and sad - and slightly hurt. I huffed in frustration and stroked my hair once more, near-violently. Cor got up from the bed and lowered the glass on top of the TV. He stepped one step closer, and in the tiny space it was enough for him to stand right in front of me.
I looked up carefully and encountered a pair of hurt eyes. A shiver ran through my body like a wave of nausea. Ryan, since when have you cared about other people's feelings? a small voice mocked in my mind. I stopped to think of it. Since I met Brendon...
Cor looked at me thoughtfully and leaned in to kiss me again, and this time it was rougher, more harsh, like he wanted to kiss my lips to pieces. For a moment I froze, but then I pulled back and looked at Cor seriously.
"I can't."
The words came out so heavy and toned that Cor didn't argue, but merely gave me a resigned nod.
"I have to go now," I stated before collecting my bag and my jacket and stepping to the door. Cor stood still on the spot, hanging his head low. I felt like screaming aloud. Why does this shit always happen to me?
I mumbled a quick 'bye' from the doorframe and then I rushed into the stairway and bounced down to street level as fast as I could. Outside I stopped to lean onto the wall and lit a cigarette with trembling hands. I just had to play with fire again, huh?
Brendon's accusing eyes didn't leave me alone, and I cursed silently the moment I had developed a conscience. Without it my life would've been so much easier.
I paced back to the bus stop, smoking my cigarette idly. All the alcohol seemed to have vanished from my system and the my vision was sharp and clear - and yet I nearly managed to stumble onto a protruding paving stone, cursing as I swayed off-balance. I got to the bus stop without harming myself, just to see the bus sliding past me. I cursed again and sat down onto the bench. Then my Sidekick went off, and I sighed. I pulled the device out of my pocket, and as expected, my home ID was flashing on the display. I hit silence with a sigh. I'd get a preach in any case as I'd get home, why double the sufferings and listen the same on the phone as well?
After what seemed like forever the next bus arrived, and in about half an hour I was finally home. I stepped inside quietly, just to encounter Mom who was sitting on the living room couch, staring at the front door pointedly.
"Hi, Mom," I said happily as if nothing had happened.
Mom didn't answer but merely pointed a finger at the clock on the wall - the time being something like quarter to midnight - and then the same finger pointed towards upstairs. I shrugged and marched up into my room, glad that I didn't stumble in the stairs. I strongly disagreed with Mom's thought of ten pm being a suitable time for curfew, but unfortunately her opinion kind of exceeded mine. I smoked a cig from the window before going to bed, preparing to annoy the living shit out of dear Mrs. Wilkis on the next day. I pushed both Brendon and Cor out of my mind for a while - I wasn't able to think about the consequences of my actions right now.
There was a stir on the school yard as I paced through the gates. I noticed several eyes turned to look at me, and some first year students, who hadn't seen me at school before looked confused and were looking at each other with questioning eyes. Spencer, who was walking beside me, looked probably more confident than he would've been without me. Calmly I paced towards the bench nearby the doors, just to see it vacated in mere seconds. I sat down with a yawn and Spencer dropped down next to me. I didn't want to start my first day back with detention, so I didn't pull my smokes out in the open as I saw Miss Jones standing nearby.
