dyad | ᵇᵒᵒᵏ ᵒⁿᵉ

¹⁵ ⁻ ᵈᵉᶠᵉⁿˢᵉ.

                                        ¹⁵ ⁻ ᵈᵉᶠᵉⁿˢᵉ.

I stood up, coming over to Joshua. "Why are you fucking with him?" He growled, staring at me. "Because, he's my friend. You can't control who I hang out with," I told him. He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "So you're really going to do this? You're going to trust him, over me? I know everything about you, but you're going to push me aside for that nigga?" 

Joshua wasn't understanding. I was beginning to think that he was jealous of my new friendship with Josiah..maybe Joshua simply..doesn't want to let me go? He's told me that I'm his only friend..and I don't want to hurt him. I turned away from him, gathering my things off the counter. I slipped the paint covered smock over my head, leaving it on the counter. 

"Let's go..Joshua.." I sighed, leaving Josiah behind in the art room. I followed behind him, tucking my hands in my jacket pockets. At times..I hated how protective Joshua was of me. It was like he didn't want me to be around anyone, but him. When we first started high school, he was the same way. He beat off anyone who looked at me the wrong way, ever since I told him what had happened to me that summer. He treated me like I was a defenseless, poor child, but I was growing up, and he was going to have to back off at some time. But what was I saying? Maybe..maybe he had never been this close to anyone before? 

Joshua stopped, and took my hand. "Hey..you aren't mad at me or anything, right?" he asked, his eyes pleading with me. I couldn't be mad at him, and I wasn't. All he was trying to do was protect me for the worst, and I couldn't blame him for that. I just wish that he understood that everyone wasn't going to hurt me, and that Josiah was actually my friend. I looked down, and then back up into his hazel eyes. 

I shook my head, "No..no..can I just be alone for a while?" I dropped his hand, beginning to walk away from him. "Monroe, please don't do this.." he whimpered, his voice cracking. I stalled for a second, realizing that I had never heard him like that. I didn't want to leave him, but..I needed to clear my head.

I continued walking, going down the stairs. Walking into the girls restroom, I picked the stall on the far right, letting the toilet lid down and sitting on it. I sat in silence, sighing. 

Where did I screw up?

I was never like this. I was never a shy, wallflower, afraid to speak her mind. I used to be the social butterfly, the one everyone wanted to be friends with. I had hopes, and dreams. They were flushed down the drain along with my self esteem and confidence. I had lost everything..my friends, my parents..and I had no control over it. Was I wrong to tell them what happened to me? If I had kept it to myself, I would've stayed a Bloom, but I would've went insane from keeping it bottled up. 

It was a lose-lose situation for me. 

I hadn't realized that I was crying until I looked at my tear soaked sleeves. I was getting tired of crying..I felt weak, and stupid, and silly. I couldn't do anything else but..cry. I just wanted to give up. Erase myself out of life. At least I wouldn't feel the pain anymore. I practically had no friends, I looked a mess, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I felt like the loneliest person on Earth, and I was afraid that it just..that it just might be true. 

Calvin Jones had reduced me to nothing, and in a matter of minutes, managed to destroy my life. 

I don't think that I was ever going to be that social butterfly, ever again. It's like I was a broken record, just stuck on that one sound. That one..deafening, sound. 

The bell rang, breaking me out of my trance. I got off the toilet, gathering my things, and exited the stall. I came up to the sink, looking at myself in the huge mirror. I pushed my hair away from my face, a sad smile spreading across my face. I pitied myself. I was the sad, lonely girl. Just like Josiah, I had a mask. Behind all my smiles, and laughter, I had to face it..I was in pain. Deep pain. The door opened, and I shifted my vision to who had entered. 

Lily.

She looked at me, taking a compact mirror out of her purse, along with a makeup brush. I fluffed out my hair, occasionally looking at her. "You know..I can see why Josiah likes you so much." Her words took me by surprise, and she turned to me, closing her mirror and placing the contents back in her bag. She stepped closer to me, her pale blue eyes staring into mine. She bit her lip, and her gaze fell. "I can see him staring at you in class. I wish that it was me, but..he thinks you're the most gorgeous girl he's ever seen, and no matter what I try to do to get his attention, his attention is all on you." 

Josiah..he has a crush on me? But..I'm not..

"All I know is that..if you hurt him..I'll make your life a living hell." 

Lily gave me a smile, and walked out of the bathroom, the door closing behind her. For the rest of the day, I tried my best to distance myself from both Joshua and Josiah. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Josiah Black had a crush on me. Me, of all people. That takes me back to when we were working on the project, in his bedroom. I had asked him there was anyone else in the world that he loved more than himself. When he answered..he was referring to me. Thinking about it made my heart flutter, and his face popped into my head. I bit my lip, sighing softly to myself. 

Walking into lunch, my mind wandered onto Joshua. He looked torn up by the way I had left him today, and I honestly felt terrible about it. Now that I think about it, I haven't seen him in the hallway after the incident this morning. I hope that he wasn't somewhere hurting himself..it made me sick just thinking about it. Entering the cafeteria, I went to the vending machine, getting my usual. This time, two bags fell down into the bottom, and I reached to get them. "I guess today's my lucky day.." 

Leaving out, I walked down the courtyard, sitting under my tree.

"Uh..h-hey.."

Looking up, my eyes fell upon Josiah, who was standing there, shifting uncomfortably. "C-Can I sit here..? Since Joshua's not around?" He asked, his voice quivering. Maybe I hadn't noticed it before, but he seemed to stutter when he got around me. "Sure, sit.." He sat, giving me a smile. His smile was cute, and I began to feel butterflies in my stomach. "Joshua told me what happened," he said, looking down, "to you." My eyes widened, my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach. 

He wouldn't..

"He just told me that when you were younger..some boy hurt you, and that's why he's so protective of you. He just didn't want me to hurt you, like that boy did." 

I sighed, taking a deep breath. Josiah cocked his head to the side, frowning at me. We simply just stared at each other for a while, and I felt my cheeks grow hot. The butterflies returned, and I felt my temperature rise. I started to drift away from his gaze, but he slipped his fingers under my chin. He made me look at him, and he gave me a grin.

"There's no way you can hide the pain in your eyes, Monroe. I know what pain looks like..I face it in the mirror, everyday."

His words sent chills down my spine, and my heart raced. I suddenly felt cold, and he took my hand. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I didn't say anything to him, but I could see the pain in his eyes, as well. A soft smile spread across his face, and we kept our eyes locked. 

"You don't have to keep your guard up, around me, Monroe. I'm just going to break those walls."