Humane Acceptance [book #2]

"You look so exhausted."

Narrator

"Why didn't you tell me what was going on?" Dario asked crossing his arms.

James coughed to receive attention, glaring at him.

"Sorry. Us. Why didn't you tell us what was going on Randy?"

"Um...I didn't wanna worry you."

"Isn't that the same excuse Quinton gave you?" Jeffery asked, making both boys look his way.

"Jeffery!"

"No you're right. I'm...sorry."

"Don't be man. We were just worried about you. I don't know what would happen if I'd lost my cuddle buddy." Dario smiled.

"And my best man." Jeffery added.

"And my therapist." James finished.

"Thanks guys." He smiled softly.

"Did...she ever show up?" Dario asked.

"Who?"

"You know...her."

Jeffery sighed.

"He means Annick."

"Oh. Yeah she's been. A lot."

"Does that bother you?"

"No." He answered without thinking.

"Randy..." Jeffery said.

"Hmm?"

"You look so exhausted."

"Oh...do I?"

Jeffery just nodded his head, giving him the most saddest look.

"What?"

"It's just not a pretty sight."

"What is?"

"Seeing you depressed."

"Depressed? I'm not..."

"Oh....you are."

"No."

"Randy you make it seem that there's no reason for you to be." James stated.

"Yeah I mean Quinton just..." Jeffery gave Dario a look to stop when he noticed Randy's face get paler once again.

He caught on fast.

What he'd realized in the last ten minutes; don't say Quinton's name.

"Randy...?"

He blinked, turning to James.

"Yes?"

He shook his head.

"I'll call Brazil. She's with Annick right now."

~

Annick walked in, looking like she knew exactly what she was doing.

But of course that was because she did.

She asked the boys to come back tomorrow.

She had taken him upstairs and laid with him.

It had been an hour and the two laid in complete silence.

"Randy..."

"Yeah?"

"Sleep."

"I can't. I've been trying."

She turned to him, gently stroking his soft brown hair.

"Have you ever been depressed?" He asked, randomly.

She lifted her head up and rested it on her palm that was supported by her elbow.

From the corner of his eye he saw her nod.

"How do you know if you're depressed?"

"I don't know. It kind of comes in one moment like a notifying phone call. Like...'hello we're calling to notify that your ability to feel anything ever will be shut off for the next five hundred years'."

"Do you remember exactly when you knew?"

She nodded again.

"We used to always have annual sleepovers at Miciah's house. When we did, we'd always eat pizza and watch the same sad excuse for a horror movie, Contracted. It was supposed to be scary but all we would do is laugh. No matter how I felt usually, it was the same stupid scenes that made me drop to the floor in laughter and tears along with the rest of them. But that day...that day I just sat at the couch. I didn't eat...or laugh...or talk. If I tried, I'd get sick. Literally sick. I remember hurling in my duffel bag just because I physically couldn't get up and run to a bathroom."

"Did you eventually get better?"

She laughed.

"Well of course."

"I mean-how long did it take?"

"It was the beginning of senior year when I decided."

"Decided?"

"Yes decided. It's probably the hardest thing to ever do. But have a decision to make every hour of every day. You have to choose to get out of bed. Choose to eat something. Choose to see your therapist. Choose to carry yourself around all day without going crazy."

"How hard is it?"

"The trick is not to procrastinate. The more you do, the harder it gets every day."

"When did you...know you were fully recovered.

Her face lit up.

"I smiled one day. I got a B+ on a test that I was sure I was gonna fail but I didn't. I looked up at my reflection in the window and...no, it wasn't a smile. It was a grin. My face was like a rainbow. That's when they called and they said 'hello we're calling to notify you that your power has been turned back on'."

"But I just...I don't understand what it feels like."

"I know that. No one does. Because you don't feel."

"But you-"

"All while you're feeling everything."

"What?"

"Depression is a book that's too long so you don't read it. You wanna know what happens next but you can't bring yourself to turn to chapter one hundred and one because other hundred wore you out and made you feel so much so you need to just stop everything you're doing, close the book and stop feeling."

"So you're saying that-"

"I'm saying that you need to sleep."

"Tell me."

"Right now you feel everything, Randy. You feel too much...so much...that nothing is gonna hit you like a truck and then..."

"Then...?"

"Then you're not gonna recognize yourself in the mirror."

When he looked at the ceiling, Annick took his hand.

"I am telling you...to prepare you for all the different things that you're going to drive yourself into doing. That during that period of time, sometimes you're gonna need to stop and try as hard as you can to recognize yourself before it's too late."

"And if I can't?"

"If you can't....then call me...and I'll do it for you."