Love Is Blind

Chapter One

I popped two Tylenol 3's inorder to stop my head from exploding. It was 8:25a. m and here I was standing over my 16 year old daughter's bed silently crying. Why was I crying? Because I wake up everyday trying to be this big strong black women even though my past is eating away at my soul. Just like my clients, I'm afraid to face my truth....scared to face the reality of my life. Scared to face my children, my family....just simply scared. And being a counselor just helped me with not feeling so alone. Just knowing that their are people who have went through the same bullshit in their life as me, and how its almost unbearable to wake up and live a normal life.

"Ring,ring, rrrringggg"
"Hello" I spoke into the phone whispering trying not to wake anyone.
"Miss Brown, this is Michelle. I wanted to call an apologize for calling you a bitch the other day"

"I accept your apology, you should try to count to 3 next time inorder to calm down, it'll help. Just remember I'm always on your side, I just have to abide by the contract due to me not being a doctor." I explained as I poured myself some fresh hot coffee.

"Well you already know I think our sessions are pointless but my P.o will arrest my ass if I don't complete it....and I'll be a fool to fuck up when I'm almost done"

"That's a girl" I smirked as I sat down at my dinner table and acknowledge the beautiful sunlight blooming through my kitchen windows.
"I'll tell you what Michelle, if you really want my help I'll help you. Once this contract that we already have is finished then I can do a promo contract that way our sessions won't be documented and sent on file for your P.o or the system to see."

"That sound coo, but how much will that run me, you know a bitch flat." Michelle laughed at her own humor.
" For starters young lady, were going to stop calling ourselves  bitches and secondly, I'm not charging you..  it's free. It's not everyday that I have a client call me a bitch then storm out my sessions, so I think you can use a little of my help....plus I like you." Michelle laughed with me as we thought about our encounter a few days before.
"OMG sorry again miss Brown, I can't help myself sometimes. Seems like I'm always searching for answers an no one has them, it gets frustrating.....but anyways, how many sessions do we have left before I can start the new contract? Michelle said changing the subject.
"We have one more session then I can successfully discharge you out the system and your P.o will receive the paperwork that following week."
"Ohhh good! I can't wait to be done with that bitch! She pisses me off everytime I go see her.she doesn't even try to understand me at all...I'm just another statistic to her....black poor broken women lost in the system."
Before I could interject her statement I felt a strong hand grab the phone an slam it on the receiver "who the fuck is that? At 8 in the fucking morning? I know you ain't dumb enough to fuck around but I see yo simple minded ass ain't smart enough to not wake a nigga up!" Devon did not wait on my reply, he back handed me so hard I flew out of my chair and hit my head on the wall. I Knew all too well what was about to happen next. I just layed there covered my mouth and face trying not to wake our children. If they happen to wake up, the beatings would never end and he would blaim it on me to our kids that it's my fault I made him beat me like the misbehaved mutt I was.

After Devon was satisfied with the outcome of him beating the hell out of me for nothing, he let me get up an clean the blood off. As I stared at my two black eyes I silently cried and asked God why did he give me this life? What did I do to deserve this life?
The bathroom door swung open. I jumped and flinched at the same time....sometimes Devon comes back for more depending on his mood. "Hurry up an clean that shit off of you! A nigga Horney and hungry now thanks to you waking me the fuck up! You got 5 minutes or I'll go fuck  her instead!" Devon slammed the door and that instantly gave me a migraine. Even though my jaw felt like it was about to fall off, I knew I had to keep him satisfied or else he would make me pay by going into our daughter's room.
"Get on your knees you dumb bitch and suck this big dick" Devon smirked at me as he grabbed a framed picture off the night stand. "You see this? I want you to look at this and remember that if you don't suck my dick right your daughter will have to step in for you. So suck daddy good." He grabbed my head an jammed his dick in my mouth, my jaw felt like it was broke but I sucked threw it inorder to keep my daughter safe from her own father. "Please babe, I'm sorry I woke you but a client really needed m...."  "Slap"  I didn't see what he did but the sting on my face let me know that he slapped me hard as fuck in my face. I felt dizzy.
"I don't give a fuck why you woke me up bitch! Just suck me and shut the fuck up you piece of shit. How the fuck you gone be counseling somebody when you yourself should have been swallowed instead of conceived. You can't help no one! Now suck me up till I come...then make me some breakfast.
I....Mrs Brown.....did what I was told and I did it like I loved it. Counseling 101 at its finest. Far from perfect but yet an still I seek to help others disregarding my own demons.....but it wont kill me right???