Kill Me/Kiss Me- An Alex Rider Fanfic

His Last Goodbye

~ Royal and General Bank, Conference Room B2, two years ago ~

"You always love being fucking right, you can't stand to be wrong!" Hera screamed from one side of the room, leaning over a long wooden table, panting with frustration at her partner. Alex appraised her from the other side of the table, the sight of London through the windows behind him, buzzing with life and winter sunshine made Hera even more livid as she wondered how the whole world was not burning in flames with her. Alex put his hands on the chair in front of him and controlled his voice as a whisper as best he could.

"You think that's what this is about?" He almost laughed in disbelief. "You think I am overlooking the fact that three other agents, our friends, died, because I don't want to be wrong?!" He shook his head at her, hands gripping the chair with such intense frustration that his knuckles turned white.

"Their deaths were necessary," Hera retaliated, raising her voice, "don't tell me how to do my job!" That last sentence drew Alex to such a level of frustration that he almost laughed over how insane this made him. He shook his head with a sick smile.

" Your job." He muttered under his breath before putting his face in his hands and reaching up to his hair to tug at it. With this, the fight in him went out; the realisation that she was not going to change made him weak with despair. "That's it." He said clearly, I'm done." Hera jerked in surprise.

"What do you mean?" She seemed completely baffled by his resignation.

"Blunt and Jones both know I only stuck with this bullshit because of you, because I wanted to protect you. Because, for some stupid fucking reason I let myself fall in love with you." He paused. "I'm done." Alex sighed before adding: "you don't need my help; you need a therapist" He began to walk around the table to exit through the door next to Hera.

"Alex-"

"Fuck off, Hera."

"I need you." With this, Alex turned to her, disgusted now that he even had to be in the same room as her.

"Yeah? Well I needed you. " He spat at her and walked to her, came close to her face so she could see the anger pent up inside him, "the old you. The one who gave a shit about other people-"

"Of course I give a shit!" Hera shouted desperately before putting her hands on his shoulder.

"Prove it. " He whispered to her but he could already see that they had both made up their minds.

"What?"

"Prove to me that you care about anyone other than yourself. "

"How am I suppose to do that?"

Alex grabbed her shoulders this time and looked deep into her beautiful eyes before pulling her in to kiss her. Hera seemed to melt into his arms, begging to be swept away by him, to make love to him finally after so many years of aching from need. But as soon as it started it stopped, Hera opened her eyes to see him, on the brink of agony. "Leave with me." He whispered, looking down at Hera as her eyes danced as though trying to search for the answer on his face. Her body went limp and numb as she resigned herself to the inevitable.

"I can't." She said in a deep, low voice, full of regret. " You know I can't." Hera looked to the floor, not wanting to know what was going to happen next. Alex let go of her lifeless body and walked past her.

"Then this is goodbye."

"Alex, please." Hera turned to him and he stopped, his hand on the doorknob, ready to walk out of her life. "I have a duty to my country-"

"Fuck your country, you have a duty to your friends."

"You think these people are our friends?!" Hera shouted, she had no idea now what she was even saying but she knew that as soon as this conversation ended that was it. He was leaving her. Alex simply stared a the cold, dead wood of the door in front of him.

"You are so far gone." he whispered, "you are beyond help. I have to leave, I can't take what this is doing to me." Alex fought back tears as his voice began to break, "seeing you become like this," he took a breath to compose himself as Hera began to shake her head, tears streaming down her face, " it has torn me to pieces. I was in love with you. I don't even know who the fuck you are anymore."

"Alex, no-" but he was already gone. Hera's knees hit the floor before she even knew she had fallen down, weakened by heart ache and abandonment. It was Smithers who found her, she looked tiny and forgotten, sat with her knees brought up to her chest, with no more tears to give, she let him take her home.

~ Present Day ~

Not a day went by when Hera did not think about that moment. The moment he left her. Only once before had she felt like that; empty and alone to the point of numbing despair. Once when she had been forced to kill her father. But now, she could swear that feeling was rising up inside of her again. As she sat at her dressing table, a girl in a dark red dress stared back at her in the mirror, eyes empty and dark.

"We best make a move," she heard Tom say as he came into the room," they're expecting us around now." Hera could not even force a smile, she nodded and pretended to be focusing on her earring so she did not have to be drawn into conversation. They had received an invitation to dinner that afternoon, Sabina called Tom's phone and gave the news. They were supposed to be celebrating .

As Hera stood from her dressing table, the world seemed to be especially quiet and running in slow motion, Tom moved around her like a ghost, unnoticed and unwelcome to her.

"I don't even know who the fuck you are anymore." The words played over and over in her mind as Tom handed her her coat. They made their way down the stairs of Hera's house, all the while Hera was talking to Tom but her mind was elsewhere, her thoughts were fixated on her last meeting with Daniel. Her mind filled with images of being re-united with her boss and suddenly Hera felt the life switch on inside of her. She remembered who she was, how strong, how skilled, how much better she was than anyone else and she knew exactly where she belonged. Right next to Daniel, at the front of his empire. With a small smile Hera knew exactly what she had to do.

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