My Chemical Romance.
That's the band that means everything to me.
I guess we should start from the beginning.
I first heard My Chemical Romance when I was about six or seven. My mom always loved them so their music was played all the time in the house. But when I was six or seven was when I had gotten into My Chemical Romance as a fan, not just someone who had heard a few of their songs and thought they were awesome.
Wait, we're missing something. Go back a few years.
Around the time I was born, my dad used to take money out of my piggy bank. He used that money to buy drugs. Or at least that's what I was told. So apparently, my mom had to eat ketchup and drink water in order to afford diapers for me. Something like that.
But, my mom did drugs as well. Back when she was in high-school, but still.
My parents used to fight all of the time. They still do now. Just not as much. But those times were traumatizing for me. And I have a little brother as well, so it wasn't as bad for him as he didn't know what was going on. I would always turn on My Chemical Romance and cry myself to sleep.
I only had two friends. Reese and BreAnn. But I barely got to see them, and nothing has changed.
So... I basically have no friends.
Back to the fighting. This lead my mom and dad to... a divorce. I was too young to understand what was happening but I didn't get to see my dad for about two years. He would send my brother and I letters and we would send him letters back. Then my mom explained what a divorce was to us. I cried a whole bunch. I put on My Chemical Romance and cried myself to sleep for a long time.
After those two years, my dad proved to my mom that he was clean, and he moved back in with us.
I also got bullied Kindergarten through 2nd grade. Cried myself to sleep to Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge all the time. I got called fat, so I starved myself and sometimes still do. I got called ugly and stupid, and that stung. Really badly. I was an A+ student so I was confused and hurt on how I was stupid. I was also debating on wether I was ugly or not, and that insult was used many times so I believed it. They called me mean, also. This girl, Rachel and her friend Karson were the ones doing it. My teacher had pulled me aside and said I needed to be nicer to Rachel because she would cry herself to sleep every night, it being all my fault. I had never done anything to Rachel, or Karson, and I knew at that point that she was trying to sabotage me. I had told my teacher that I had never done anything to her, and that was it. Karson quit bullying me and we were no longer enemies. Rachel, on the other hand, just got worse. She would start shoving me.
Then, we started homeschooling. I went to a different dance studio, and there was this girl named Graciela. She was so shitty to me. It had started halfway through the dance season. One day, I was proudly wearing a My Chemical Romance shirt. All of a sudden I feel this really hard smack against the back of my head. And I see in the mirror Graciela walking away with a smirk on her face. She called me fat and ugly too. And that hurt because I have social anxiety so it's really hard for me to make friends.
It hadn't stopped. So it started my 'crying myself to sleep to TCFSR' phase again. Then, that's started my starving. Yes, I starve myself.
It's stopped now that I've moved studios again. Well, the bullying has. Not the starving. I eat a little dinner so my family doesn't get suspicious.
But now you've read basically my past. My Chemical Romance has helped me in so many ways.
Then, about two weeks after my birthday, they... broke up. That tore me apart. That those four, used to be five, guys from New Jersey, who just wanted to save lives, had broken apart.
I was expecting a new album with Blonde Haired Gerard on it, not that announcement.
I have never cried so much in my life. Never. Every night I used to sing Helena or something and cross my fingers they would get back together.
They taught me not to care. To love myself. To just not give a shit.
And now I know things I didn't understand before.
Killjoys never die, they go to The Black Parade.
Never let them take the light behind your eyes.
Welcome to The Black Parade.
So long, and goodnight.
Rodger out, Revenge Runner. Keep running Killjoys!
