Always and Forever - A Harry Potter Fanfiction

Chapter Nine

"Lily?" A knock on the door. I woke up with a start. I must have fallen asleep at some point but I didn't remember doing so...

"Mm?" Severus walked into the room. I sat up slowly. I was still fully dressed and had been lying on top of my duvet. The window outside showed little light and the clock on my bedside cabinet said it was seven in the morning.

Severus handed me a cup of tea. I took it with a word of thanks. He had a cup of coffee in his own hands. He sat on the end of the bed and stared into his cup.

"I think we need to talk." He murmured. I sipped my tea. It was quite hot so I blew on it.

"Sure what's up?" I asked.

"I... I know you still love James. I have a feeling that won't ever truly fade. But... I wanted you to know that I love you too. And I was always waiting for you." I didn't want to mention Moony so I left him out.

"James changed for me, Sev. You never did. You grew colder." Severus shook his head, his eyes pained.

"I... I didn't want you to fall in love with HIM. He was nothing! Just a really talented Quidditch player! And I was your best friend... And that's all I ever was going to be. I was jealous... I wanted to be yours... And I never would be." A blurry scene obscured my vision and tears spilled out of my eyes and down my face.

"I'm so sorry, Sev..." He shook his head.

"You can't help who you fall in love with. I realised that."

"You love me?" Severus placed his cup down on my cabinet and moved down the bed so he was sitting next to me. Gently, with his thumbs he brushed my tears away and held my face there between his hands.

"Always have, Lily. I always will."

"So then... Can I tell you the truth?" I placed my own cup beside his in order to free my hands so I could take both of his in both of mine.

"Of course."

"I love you. I love James but... I love you."

"Like a brother?"

"No... Not like a brother... Nor like a friend. I just... Love you. You make me whole again... And I haven't felt whole in a long time. But... I'm broken. My heart still craves for James... I sometimes still think about him, you know that. So why you would want me in this state..." Sev moved one of our entwined hands in order to gently pull my face upwards so he could look into my eyes.

"I love you in any state... Messed up, ill, happy, sad... Angry. I love you, Lily Evans. And I'm willing to wait. However long you need... I'll wait for you."

"I don't want to wait..." Waiting... Was there any point? We could be killed tomorrow.

"You don't want to wait?" Severus kept his hands in mine but pulled back slightly as if to look at me properly.

"No... If you want me and I want you... Can't we just do something about that? I mean... Do we have to wait?"

"No... We don't have to wait." Severus smiled, a smile that made my heart flutter, he hadn't smiled like that in a while. He kissed the backs of my hands. We then took our cups and went downstairs.

He made me toast and jam, a favourite of mine and we munched on it while listening to wizarding music stations. We talked about endless nonsense and we laughed more than we had in a long while, which was nice.

No news came by that day but Albus did send a letter of apology to myself and Severus for his behaviour. We disregarded it instantly, he needed no excuse to have a drink after what he had seen and heard. I visited Harry because I hadn't done so in a while. He was okay but looked a little thinner than when I had last visited. I couldn't be happy about this fact but he was happy and alive which was good enough for me.

Afterwards, I went shopping in the muggle shopping centre. It was only then that I noticed the date for the first time. December. The first of December was finally upon us.

********

Severus came with me on the fifteenth of December for a walk. I didn't like being inside all the time. I was under the Invisibility Cloak. Severus knew I had an Invisibility Cloak but didn't know much about it. We didn't talk about that. Instead we laughed, chatted and joked as we made a walk across a field.

"Reckon it will be okay if I take off the Invisibility for a moment?" I asked. I was quite hot under the Cloak. Severus scanned the field. I noticed how his hand went to his pocket where his wand was, ready at even the slightest hint of danger.

"Should be fine." I took off the Cloak and folded it over my arm, sighing in relief. I looked around as a cold breeze whipped around us, cooling me down. Severus and I were stood at a tree. A huge tree with its branches everywhere, no leaves in sight. The grass was yellow. To be more accurate, Sev and I had stopped on the top of a hill beside the tree. At the bottom of the hill was a pond and a child's playground.

"Oh!" I gasped.

"How could you not have recognised where we were?" Severus laughed.

"I wasn't really focused to be honest..."

"We used to spend every day of our childhood right here in this very spot."

"I know... I remember... You used to be here way before I was."

"Anything to see you." He whispered. He spun me around in a circle, dancing to a tune that no one else could hear.

"I never wanted to be anywhere else but here with you." I moved my hands around to link my fingers at the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me. Our lips touched. Severus' lips were soft, so soft. In the back of my mind, I noted that this must have been Severus' first kiss. He had not dated any other girls.

He was a natural though. His hands were at my waist, pulling me close against his own body. I felt fire racing through my veins, happiness at last. A happiness that I had been so certain, I would never feel again.

Our kiss lasted several minutes, deepened at one point when Sev's hands tightened gently on my waist, as if wanting me even closer. God, he couldn't hold me tight enough. Sev pulled away quite suddenly that it surprised me. What could possibly have stopped him kissing me when this had been what he had wanted since as long as we could remember? The answer to that was the fact that it was snowing. A flake had fallen through the bare branches and had landed on Sev's face. I stared around in wonder, still wrapped in Sev's arms as flakes continued to fall all around us. They landed on me, stayed in my hair. Sev moved his hand to brush one or two flakes away from my hair. His fingers wrapped themselves around one strand. It looked so weird to see his such pale fingers with a strand of my red hair. He moved his fingers away again, letting the strand fall back into place framing my face.

"You are so beautiful." He told me, stroking my face. He placed his hand back on my waist. He kissed my lips once more. He then spun me around again. We were dancing once more.

"We do this a lot you know." I pointed out. He smiled.

"You want to know why that is?" I couldn't help my own smile spreading across my face, his happiness was just infectious.

"I used to have this dream... I used to dream that we were right here... And a song plays in my head and I spin you around and we're dancing."

"It was your dream to dance with me?"

"It was my dream to have you in my arms." He squeezed me lightly as if to make his point. I rested my head against his shoulder as we slowed our dance to just a small swaying motion. I don't know how long we stayed like that but we stayed like that for a while until the snow started to fall heavier, the wind colder and we broke apart, holding hands and laughing as we almost fell down the hill in order to get home.