Why? (Kylo Ren Fanfiction)

Chapter 2

"I feel that if I just talked to him once, I'd be able to through to him. Or, at least, just realize that the Ben I knew is gone." responded Leia, "I also thought Jane would be of help since..." Leia looked over at me, "you are his best friend. He loves you."

As Leia squeezed my hand, memories of Ben flooded my mind.

"Jane! Where are you?" yelled Ben

We've been playing hide and go seek for the past ten minutes, and he has yet to find me. I couldn't help but giggle at the thought of beating Ben at hide and go seek, let alone any game. He always wins. As soon as the laugh escaped my lips, I realized my mistake. The next second I was being tackled from behind.

"Ha! I found you!"

"Took you long enough!" I smiled at him

"Shut up. That was a really good hiding spot. But I'm pretty sure if my dad knew you were hiding underneath the Millennium Falcon, he'd kill us."

"That's why I hid there! I knew you wouldn't dare go near it."

He helped me up and we ran out from under the Falcon before Han found us.

"I don't know, Leia. What if he's changed? I use to know him very well, but I don't know if I do now."

Leia smiled at me as she said, "That's the whole point of this mission. Just to see if Ben still lies within Kylo Ren. I honestly and truly still believe that he is the same man that I know; that you know."

This thought caused me to smile. The thought of Ben being alive somewhere... made me realize I miss him. I need him back as much as Leia.

"I'm in," said Luke, "I feel that I owe this to you, Leia."

Leia's smile widened, and she turned to me. After a couple of seconds of thinking, I said, "I'm in."  

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After meeting with Luke and Leia, I immediately went back to my little apartment. The hope for Ben burned in my chest. I desperately wanted to complete and succeed in this secret mission assigned to Luke and I. I don't know how I have gone for so long without realizing how much I missed Ben. I probably just pushed him back in my mind, because of the pain.

When I first found out about what Ben did, I didn't sleep for weeks. My heart broke, and I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't admit it back then, but I can now say that I loved him. I don't know if I still love him in the same way, because everything he has done, but I can tell I still care.

I remember when he left to go train with Luke. It was then I was denying my feelings for him. Maybe if I did something, we wouldn't be in this situation. Han would still be here. Ben would still be here.

Ben and I were around 15, and were going for one of our weekly walks around the village when he stopped walking. I turned to look at him, confused. "Ben? You okay?"

"I'm leaving." he breathed out.

"What do you mean you are leaving?"

He looked down, and knowing him, he was holding back tears. I took a step closer to him and took his hand. I knew it comforted him. He looked up at me as I rubbed my thumb across his palm. He sighed and said, "My parents are sending me to go train and become a Jedi with my uncle."

His grip on my hand quickly grew tighter and harder, while his breathing increased. He turned and punched the nearest thing to him, which happened to be a stone pillar. I realized he was having one of his raging fits. He didn't have them very often. Only when he's really angry. I quickly stepped up to him and hugged his slim torso. As my head rested on his chest, I could feel his pulse racing. "Ben. Stop." 

He tried to get out of my grip, but eventually gave up. After a minute of awkwardly keeping his arms by his side, he wrapped one around my shoulders, and the other hand weaved through my hair. He laid his head on top of mine, and held me as close as I was holding him. "It's okay, Ben. I'm sure I'll be able to visit, and you'll get to come home to see your family and me, as well."

He scoffed as he pulled away enough to look into my face. "Well, yeah, Jane. But that isn't very often. I won't see you everyday. I don't want to leave you. I don't want to leave my life here. I don't want to go, but they're making me."

As the hug loosened, he leaned his forehead against mine. "I leave tomorrow."

I didn't know what to say, or to do. My brain was telling me that everything will be okay, but my heart said otherwise.