after alice; book three {5sos}

ten

murderer.

i gasp for breath, my knuckles white against the tainted sheets. i spend a few moments regaining my breath, the whisper playing in the back of my mind as i focus on the mirror leant against the wallpaper.

i'm going entirely mad, i feel it.

my eyes flicker to penny who i haven't exchanged much of a conversation with however i feel relief to hear her soft breaths and the sheets perceptibly rising and falling. as soon as i turn over, i'm bolting out of bed and throwing up into the sink.

this isn't just a bug anymore.

penny doesn't wake up and all i can do is silently cry, wishing and aching for my life to be painlessly swallowed up. i'm aching for my final breath and a dizzy fall into oblivion.

the sun rises, my head achey from the snippets of sleep i managed to fall back into during the night. i skip breakfast, throw up once more, and then i leave. i wash my face and i leave, easily resisting a glance back at the youth hostel.

penny had left a few coins on her bedside table which i couldn't resist but secrectly pocket a few, just enough to get a few minutes of call time from a public phone box.

"detective louisa," i say urgently into the speaker. "i'm done," i tell her. "i've left. i'm ready already. i- i need..."

"slow down," i hear her say. "why have you left?"

"i've left and i need a doctor."

"a doctor?"

a doctor i have been granted. my face has heated up as i sit in the waiting area, the illness making home beneath my skin. what am i supposed to explain to the doctor? that i have had a troubled past few years, been kidnapped, witnessed murder, returned back home, been left in a youth hostel and now i'm throwing up.

i want my own place and a fresh start, that's all i want.

i realise as i'm sat in the waiting area that i need to move out of the country. i need to move somewhere where no body knows about my small town disaster, the girl with the rabbits, the dead mother and the dead boyfriend. i want to be known as sophia, the girl who enjoys writing and taking polaroids. yet i'm not that anymore; i'm this. i'm this sad girl with a decaying mind.

i sit alone in the room, detective louisa grabbing herself a coffee as i sit through my appointment. i didn't want her to be in here with me.

"have you been eating healthy?"

"i haven't really been eating," i admit. "i've been kidnapped. i- i was fed well but... i started throwing everything up a few days ago."

"at your checks when you returned did you fail to mention this?"

i feebly nod. "i did but," i pause. "i didn't think it was important."

"it's very important," she softly says. "i won't ask you anything else, but i will ask if i can take a sample of your urine, is that okay?"

"my... my urine?" i slowly say.

"i need to run some tests." the doctor says as she glances at her computer, seeming occupied.

"why? don't i just have a bug? can you assign me with some medication or-"

"how sexually active have you been?"