Chasing Butterflies

With Us

Izzy stared into Jimin's chocolate colored eyes, tears slowly dripping from her own. Her eyelids slid shut, eyebrows furrowed. It felt like an elephant was sitting on her chest. She just couldn't breathe under the weight of the secrets she's been hiding.

"Please don't think differently of me," she pleaded with the boys who watched her with sad eyes. "Please."

With awkward limbs, she slid off the couch and sat cross legged on the floor in front of Jimin. They all sunk to the wooden floors around her. Her hand reached into the front pocket of her jeans. Numb fingers wrapped around the plastic baggie and her breathing hitched. The rustle of plastic was the only sound in the room. No one breathed as Izzy pulled the baggie out of her pocket and dumped the contents onto the wooden floor of the boys' apartment.

Multicolored pills spilled out of the bag and rolled across the floor. One tiny white pill rolled in a slow circle, colliding with Yoongi's shoe and falling flat to the floor. His fingers reached out for the pill. Izzy's eyes saw it all in slow motion, her breathing all but stopped.

He held the tiny pill up to his face. That minuscule sphere of compressed white powder captured their complete attention.

"Izzy," Jin's voice cut through the silence. "What are these?" His own fingers scooped up a handful of colored pills.

Izzy's bottom lip quivered and she bit down on it, trying to hide the tears. "I don't know what most of them are, to be honest." She tasted blood on the tip of her tongue where she bit her lip too hard. "But they made me forget, so I stopped asking," she cast her eyes to the small pile on the floor.

"Where did you get these?" Hoseok's voice quivered. Izzy's face snapped up to look at him. She saw the tears in his eyes. "From Jae," she let out a pained whispered and grabbed Hoseok's hand, offering what little support she could. She hated that she was hurting them.

"Who the hell is Jae?" Jimin's normally soft voice was like shards of ice cutting through Izzy. "He- he's Cassie's boyfriend," she began. "I've been living with Cassie for a while now. Jae gives me the drugs." Saying it out loud made guilt course through her veins.

"Why are you living with this girl? And why is her boyfriend giving you DMT?" Namjoon asked. Izzy heard the concern in his voice.

She opened her mouth to answer but stopped short, glancing up at him curiously. "How did you know it was DMT?"

Namjoon's face darkened and the boys turned sad gazes to their friend. "We've all had our struggles Izzy. And I've been where you are," he gulped hard, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He didn't like talking about his past, none of the boys did. "So we can help you. But you have to tell us how this happened."

A wry smile found its way to Izzy's face. "How much time have you got?" She mumbled the words, sarcasm clear in her hoarse voice. But none of the boys found it funny. Their faces were serious. Izzy was one of them now and her wellbeing was not something they took lightly.

"As much time as you need, we'll be here for you." Izzy's gaze snapped up to Jungkook, tears dripping slowly from her eyes. "We're your friends Izzy, we're always gonna be here for you." Slowly, hesitantly, she nodded. Seven sets of eyes watched her with silent determination. Izzy knew she could trust them. But trust had never come easy for her.

"Well, I guess it was about a month ago," Izzy began. "My boyfriend dumped me. He kind of kicked me out," she chuckled a bit, clearing her throat in discomfort. "We had dated for two years. I gave up everything for him. And he cheated on me," Izzy sniffled, trying to keep the tears from falling.

Hoseok's warm hand tightened around hers, giving her fingers a comforting squeeze.

"And he kicked me out of the house. So I ended up at Cassie's place. She's a friend," Izzy hesitated, "I guess." She let out a heavy sigh. "When I got to her place her boyfriend was there, Jae. He took one look at me and said that I needed to forget whatever was happening at the time. So he gave me the pills. And he kept giving them to me. I still don't know what most of them were." Izzy paused, sucking in a deep breath. The boys were all silent, listening intently to her story.

"It's been like that for a while. I sit at Cassie's place. We drink. I swallow half the pile he dumps on the coffee table. And I black out," she paused. "It used to scare me. I would wake up and I didn't know where I was. But now I don't really mind." Izzy picked at her nails. "Because at least I forget for a little while."

The room was silent. No one said anything after Izzy finished speaking. They hardly even breathed.

"But Izzy," Jin began, "What happened today?" The tension in the room was so palpable you could cut it with a butter knife.

Izzy took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut. "Last night I took too much. And I know that I blacked out but I can't remember what happened," she sighed again, feeling the familiar weight on her chest. "When I woke up today Jae was acting weird. Weirder than usual. He stares at me a lot when Cassie's not looking. But today Cassie was in the shower and Jae kept calling me 'Sweet Cheeks'. He kept coming closer and closer. Jae said that we did something when Cassie was asleep," her voice broke.

Izzy's face buried in her hand, shoulders shaking with sobs. The boys didn't know what to do. They had never really been in the situation of having a crying girl on their hands. But despite their hesitance they scooted closer around her. Comforting hands rubbed across her back, arms wrapped around her shoulders, and warm bodies pressed closer to her.

"But I didn't do anything with him," Izzy sobbed brokenly into her hands. "I couldn't have. No matter how high I was, I would never do anything with Jae. He's low, vile, disgusting. I hate him."

"We believe you Izz," Jimin's hands squeezed hers. He wanted more than anything to believe that nothing happened with this Jae guy. But the truth was that Izzy didn't remember, so there was no certainty. And it killed Jimin not knowing.

"Well, I think that's enough heavy stuff for one day," Taehyung spoke up, breaking the tension.

"Tae's right," Jin agreed. "I'll go order some food," he pulled himself up off the floor and strolled to the kitchen, stopping to mess up Izzy's hair a bit, making her crack a tiny smile.

Taehyung pulled himself up onto the couch and Jungkook flopped down beside his feet. They both sighed deeply; Izzy's story had been a heavy load to hear. And they knew all too well how heavy a load something like that is to carry. The others still sat on the ground with Izzy, who kept fiddling anxiously with her fingers. Hoseok's gentle eyes stared at her hands then her face. Finally he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't stand watching this girl who is so fun and happy looking so woeful.

Hoseok's arms reached out and pulled Izzy into his chest, her head landing on his shoulder. They sat in silence again as he held her, offering what little comfort he could. He couldn't stand seeing her hurt, none of them could. Izzy sat in a peaceful silence, with Hoseok hugging her and Jimin rubbing tiny circles on her knee. Yoongi scraped up the pile of pills and walked out of the room. Izzy knew what he was doing when they heard the flush of a toilet.

After a minute of silence something sprung to Izzy's mind. "Um, how did you guys know where to find me? How did you know what was happening?" Her head lifted from Hoseok's shoulder, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Namjoon's face flushed pink as he scratched sheepishly at the back of his neck. "Well-uh last time you were here I sort of, might have, put my number in your phone while everyone was sleeping?" He phrased his sentence like a question, glancing up hesitantly at Izzy, waiting for the lash-out.

"Why?" The question came from Jimin's mouth, his head tipping to one side in curiosity.

"Uh yeah, why did you?" Izzy asked as well.

Namjoon looked up at them, clearing his throat in discomfort. "Well I just didn't want you to be completely alone if something ever happened," he gulped. "But I kind of screwed up," he chuckled a bit. "I didn't think to put your number in my phone, so we couldn't call you. And you kind of disappeared for two weeks and we had no way to find you and I'm kind of an idiot—" Namjoon rambled on at lightning speed until Izzy shoved her hand over his mouth.

"Thank you Joon." Izzy sent him a gentle smile, peeling her palm away from his mouth. He grinned back, relieved that she wasn't mad at him for sneaking around and messing with her phone.

"But maybe we should put all our numbers in your phone? And get yours so you can't run away from us again?" Jungkook suggested from the couch, holding up his phone.

It was Izzy's turn to laugh sheepishly. "Yeah, I'm sorry I ran away," her gaze fell to the floor. "I didn't want you guys to see where I lived. I don't exactly have the best house mates." They fell silent again at her words.

"Then move in with us."