Chasing Butterflies

Hungover

He sat stiffly on the bed, fists clenched. He heard the quiet click of the bathroom door shutting. It was immediately followed by muffled voices drifting through the crack beneath his bedroom door. Jimin couldn't decipher their exact words but he knew they were talking about him. Or it might have been about Izzy. Maybe even both.

Jimin released a frustrated sigh as his hands ripped up his hair at the roots. He hated this. The constant tension in the apartment was suffocating him. Their hushed conversations had him on edge. Her whispered apologies had him going mad. And he knew that if he looked into those rum-colored eyes of hers he'd give in. Izzy didn't know it but she had him in the palm of her hand, he was wrapped like string around her fingers. But as much as he wanted to just grab her and hold her close he couldn't give up like this. Jimin knew that this was the only way to make Izzy see the pain she was causing. It was something he admired about her; she never bothered to acknowledge her own pain but the second it was projected onto someone else she becomes aware. It killed him to stay away from her but it was the only way to make her see what she was doing. He had to do this for her.

His hands dragged heavily down his face and he slumped over, elbow on knees. The exhaustion of a sleepless night was catching up with him. When Izzy had told them that she was on morphine, that she had recklessly put her health and well being into jeopardy yet again he'd been furious. How could she do this again? And after she had made so much progress! He had to get out of that apartment, there was no way he could stay and watch her reddened eyes staring at him through the tears, it was too much. But as he walked the lamp-lit streets of Dongdae that night his anger began to fade, and nothing but a deep ache was left behind in his heart. His heart hurt at the thought of all the pain Izzy had been put through. His heart ached for her. After consuming a dangerous amount of cheap bourbon he'd finally made it back to the apartment. She was there, awake, and she whispered yet another apology to him. He'd wanted so badly to just forgive her in that moment, and it took all his strength to lay down in that bed and not even glance at her.

Between the physical annoyance of his hangover and the mental taxation of ignoring someone he cared for, Jimin was exhausted. With numb fingers he peeled aside the messy covers and clambered into bed. He dug his face into the brick-like pillow and took a deep breath. It smelled like Izzy. Everything within those sunny bedroom walls had begun to smell like her, especially after she'd taken the responsibility of doing their laundry. It could be very easily said that Jimin was indifferent to the little changes that she'd brought about. But saying that would be a lie. He loved the changes she'd brought about. From the floral scent drifting off his blankets to the happiness that had settled around their entire group since she'd arrived, he loved it all. And most of all he loved her.

Jimin's eyes slid shut just as a door clicked open some ways down the hall.

Izzy stepped out of the steamy bathroom, not really caring that water droplets from her hair we're seeping into her shirt—or rather Jimin's shirt, since she'd stolen it after she did a gigantic pile of his laundry. At the time it hadn't meant much, but now she clung to that shirt like a lifeline to her sanity. She desperately needed some piece of him to be with her, even if it was just a t-shirt. Hopefully he wouldn't miss it too much. At least not as much as she missed him.

She tiptoed down the hall, past the closed bedroom door, and into the living room where six of the boys were still gathered. They looked up at her with smiles when they noticed Izzy hovering awkwardly in the doorway.

"Come sit," Taehyung patted the empty in between him and Jungkook and Izzy gladly sunk down on the couch beside them. It was a relief to know that not everyone hated her right now.

Jin and Yoongi talked quietly in the kitchen, occasionally sparing glances at her, thinking that she couldn't tell they were talking about her. She didn't mind though, Izzy knew they were worried so she let them talk, not that she could stop them anyways. Hoseok sat in an armchair, completely immersed in some game on his phone. But he would glance up at Izzy every once in a while just to make sure she was still there and still doing alright. Namjoon sat on the floor by the couch, he was really the only one actually watching the news program currently on TV.

They stayed like that for a long while. Eventually the TV was switched to a less boring channel and someone would occasionally laugh at whatever was on the screen. After a couple of hours went by Jungkook's legs were splayed across Izzy's lap and Taehyung was playing with her now dry hair. He kept braiding the strands and messing up and re-braiding it, but Izzy didn't mind one bit. It was adorable how he would huff in frustration every time he messed up the plait and would then gently drag his fingers through her hair to undo his work. Besides, it was nice to just sit with them. Izzy hadn't spent much time with the boys lately; she'd been trying to hide her addiction and that meant she couldn't be around them as much. It was just another reason to add to the list of why she needed to beat this addiction; it was getting to be quite a long list.

Yoongi was on the phone ordering lunch and Taehyung was in the middle of a new plait when Jimin emerged from his room for the second time that day. He took a glance around the room and froze when he spotted Izzy. The angry twitch of his jaw made her heart hurt and so she ripped her eyes away from his. Jimin walked stiffly into the living room and plopped down on the floor beside Namjoon, in other words he sat as far away as he could from Izzy.

Her heart squeezed painfully. She hated this distance between them, absolutely hated it. She had to talk to him, at the very least she had to try. Just as her mouth was opening to call his name, Namjoon's phone rang loudly. Izzy's parted lips shut silently, any determination she had to speak with Jimin faded out like a dying ember.

"Hello?" Namjoon pulled the phone to his ear and listened intently to whoever was on the line.

"When is it?" All eyes were on him as they intently watched his one-sided conversation.

"The usual place?" A faint voice muttered something on the line. Izzy thought it sounded like a man.

"And what's the buy-in?" Izzy's eyebrows furrowed. Was he talking about another poker game?

"You're sure he won't be there?" He? Who was he?

"Alright. Thank you." Namjoon ended the call and set his phone down on the floor beside him, then turned to face the guys.

"We have another game to go to," he grinned at them. "Get your suits ready, boys."